How Roles Can Screw Us Up, and How to Escape Them

Think Different

By Cathy Eck


Roles 101

I really enjoyed my ex-husband’s father.  When everyone went off to church on Saturday night or Sunday morning, we would turn off the television, drink an icy cold Iron City, and laugh at our stupid stories.  He was alive, smart, and so much fun.  He was healthy and vibrant.  But the minute the door opened and the family returned, he was an actor who had been signaled to get his ass on stage.  He became a sick, old man who never amounted to anything.  His shoulders dropped.  His back hurt.  His smile turned into a frown, and he would quickly turn on the television.  He had a long-standing role in that family; there was nothing I could do to stop him from playing it or to convince my husband that I knew a different man than he did.

After enough time, I too would fall into a similar dreadful role that I couldn’t escape.  But I was like Andy in “The Shawshank Redemption.”  I was willing to chip away a little each day until I found my way back to freedom.  I learned about roles, and how deadly they can be, from observing my husband’s family.  I’d guess that the leading cause of death is giving up because you can’t escape an unwanted role.

We might have a good white-sheep role like the cute one, funny one, or smart one.  Or we could be a black sheep role like the sick one, negative one, or loser.  Roles are constructed with labels; once people associate us with a particular label, they’re often very slow to let that label go.  They don’t notice when we change; and we often feel like we’re stuck in Shawshank prison with little hope for parole.



Here’s where things get dicey.  People assign roles when they project the unwanted half of their beliefs out through their physical eyes (the bad side of the bottom of the triangle).  We can’t see them do this so we get tricked.  In the illusion, people (in masculine roles) see their own reflection without knowing it.  The masculine projects; the feminine reflects.

They call you the perky one because that’s how they see you, not how you really are.  Suddenly, you’re more perky in their presence; you might like that they bring out that quality in you.  But if they call you lazy or rude because you don’t talk around them (since they bore the living shit out of you),  you’ll find yourself unable to be perky even if you normally are.  Even worse, with a “bad” label, they’ll try to fix you, cementing the label more deeply.

In my experience, the best escape route is to let go from the feminine role until we get into the masculine role.  What we do next is critical.  Most screw up right here.  Once in the masculine role, we must let go of anything we see outside of us that generates emotion until the whole world appears free.  We can’t get free while holding people hostage in roles with our beliefs.

Getting rid of the need for approval is key to getting free of labels.  We must stop measuring our success based upon what others think of us and start measuring our success by the purity of our OWN mind.   Likewise, we stop measuring other people by what they say or do and start measuring them by the quality of their thinking.

For example, we say that people who inspire and motivate others are good people.  But why are they inspiring and motivating?  They see an uninspired and unmotivated world.  They’re fixing their own projection.  When we move into the masculine role, we see our beliefs about others, people, animals, plants, and the world.   It is our job to let go of what we see until we see free choice, true versus false, and a divine sort of justice.  Most people fix their projections and call it a career.


No Roles

The mental perspective is the cure for everything wrong in the world.  From a physically-oriented perspective, medical doctors are helpful; mentally oriented, they’re cursing patients with labels called diagnoses. They focus on sickness, not health.  In a physical orientation, veterans are heroes; mentally oriented, they’re blindly obedient killers.  Physically oriented, caretakers are servants to the needy; mentally oriented, they’re enablers or prison guards.  If we cling to a physically-oriented role, we can’t get free.  It’s impossible!

If you feel like you don’t fit into the world, you probably are more comfortable with the mental perspective.  You might feel judgment from others because people with physically oriented perspectives fit in; they think they’re good and right.  They have a free pass to be completely irresponsible with their mind.  You may have tried to avoid the physically-oriented world, but that isn’t necessary.  I assure you that the illusion won’t affect you once you let go of your beliefs and let your free mind lead your physical body and experience.

Roles disappear once we adopt the mental perspective.  Those who were perceived as good become false; and those who were labeled bad or wrong are revealed to be reflections of false good roles.  It becomes clear that the normal view of life is illusory; whatever was wrong in the illusion will be false in the free world.

When this mental shift happens, shit no longer happens.  A different world is revealed; it was hidden below our beliefs all along.  Roles, authority, and the illusion lose their false power.  We have nothing to fear anymore.  It was all just the boogie man under the bed; he wasn’t real.  The illusion takes over our imagination so we lose our creativity; when we let go of the illusion, our creativity returns.

Fortunately, we don’t have to wait for others to live from this perspective.  It’s there when we let go of our OWN physically-oriented perspective.  It’s there when we live entirely from the mental, True Self, perspective — the world of mental cause producing physical effect.

2 thoughts on “How Roles Can Screw Us Up, and How to Escape Them

  1. Julie says:

    Hey Cathy, You just answered in this post something that happened to me on Thursday. Because of my “connections,” I was taken to meet a woman Minister who needs a building for a church. She caters to the homeless, ex-cons, mentally unstable, addicts — the disenfranchised. This minister had no “affect.” Which was kind of creepy. (Of course we had to pray together. Yuk.) And there was this, I felt, judgment of me. Not sure of what. But also an expectation that since this Minister was doing so much “good,” people ought to just hand her a “free” church building. I chaffed at this. Yet the thought, “But she is helping the forgotten with no way to help themselves. So I ought to use my connections. She is like Jesus, ministering to society’s undesirables.” Now I realize she was projecting her beliefs in “helplessness” and “bottom of the barrel” — and also judging me because my life seemed so full. Literally keeping these ex-cons in prison. Still…why is there still some part of me that wants to help her get that church building? Because I still have a belief in “helplessness” and helping those who get a raw deal? Do-gooders in this society are revered. Because they seem “selfless.”

    • Cathy says:

      Hi Julie,
      That is such a great example. This is a huge thought form. Yes we are taught that these people are selfless. This thought form is reinforced in society all the time. We feel emotion or tears of joy when we hear the stories not realizing that the emotion is pointing us to let go because the helpful person is seeing a flawed world. I used to get so repulsed by Mother Theresa. I could feel how she projected her issue onto the lepers in everything she said and did. But I didn’t dare say it because people thought I was insane. Why can’t I see her goodness I wondered? I couldn’t see her goodness because I couldn’t see the leper’s deficiency. I knew they could heal. I knew they had perfection inside of them. I knew they didn’t do anything wrong nor did they deserve this.

      When we move into the mental frame of mind, and are watching our thoughts, we just become aware of how creation happens. We know that one could not have such a focus on one giant problem if they didn’t have a giant belief in it. If you hold a giant belief in a disease or a problem, you aren’t helpful regardless of what you do. You are cleaning up your own mess. And you should be cleaning it up in your own yard, not in another person’s yard. I find that sort of service belief is huge in religion and I’d guess that you picked it up early on from the Catholic church. While you let go of the ceremony and rules of the church, this is a remnant that you can now let go.

      You know I think what helped me to see this best of all was having health issues myself, especially around weight. I realized that when people looked at me as flawed, they made it so much harder to escape. I didn’t want their stupid sympathy. I could feel that they looked at me as if they were suddenly superior to my situation. Or they made it more real. I often realized that if they just went away, I could fix it myself. Fortunately, I wasn’t as far in the hole as these ex-cons, mentally unstable, or Mother Theresa’s lepers. I think when you get pushed too far down, you give in and take the sympathy. But I realized that what I wanted the person to do was to let go of their projection on me and to remember me whole and perfect. Then I knew I could do it myself. I wanted someone to remind me that I was healthy, beautiful and free. That’s all. Then they could go do their own thing. I also decided that when I got back into the masculine role, I’d give that gift to others. I would not fix them in order to look good myself. I’d help them remember they are perfect and free. These do gooders just never learned the true message of life because they are so physically focused. They don’t see what their mind is doing. I’m very sure that was the meaning of Jesus near final words. “They don’t know what they do!” He had a mental perspective, but those who put him on the cross were just like this woman–thought everyone needed to be in church.

      So I say that because the way to let go of this is to step into the shoes of the people they are helping and realize that you are now seeing these people through her false eyes. She sees herself as helpful and them as helpless. They are a perfect pair at the bottom of the triangle. See if that works. Love, cAthy

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