By Cathy Eck

Fighting Versus Win-Win

In the path of initiation, our mind unravels in three levels of reality.  The first level disappears when our personal reality shifts, and we are left with an understanding of who we are and where we fit in the world.  The second level involves our relationship to others, and the third involves our relationship to the world.  This second-level event in my life didn’t make any sense when it happened in the early 90’s, and it was profoundly embarrassing.  Now I look back and just smile.

Until 1997, I owned a technology business.  My company was hired by a nonprofit organization, run by several retired generals, to design and implement a new membership and accounting system.   I partnered with another company owned by my friend Barry, who happened to be Middle Eastern.  Barry and I completed many projects together; this would be easy for us.

Within a few weeks of implementation, Barry and I noticed some things that the generals didn’t consider.  We saw opportunities to improve their system by upgrading things and shifting the paper flow.  So we went to meet with the generals.  Barry explained the situation, but clearly their bias toward his nationality and accent started to kick in.  They got very angry with him.

The Feminine Speaks

I had no idea what came over me, but I started to cry.  This was not what a professional did.  I tried to mask the tears by pretending to rub my eyes, only causing mascara to smear on my face and make things worse.  One general looked at me and said, “Something wrong?” in a general-like voice.

I cut loose.  “We came here to tell you how we could make your system better.  We are offering to do more work for the same money, giving you more than you asked for.  All you can hear is that we want an extra week to do it.  You act like you’re fighting a war when we’re on the same fucking team.  I just don’t know if I can work with assholes like you.  Life works better when you don’t perceive everyone as the enemy to be defeated.  But how would you know that?”  I fully expected that they would fire me and ask for their deposit to be returned.  But I didn’t care.  Barry was my friend and partner; and I had his back.

The head general looked at the others and said, “She’s right.  We do approach everything in this stupid organization like we’re at war.  Quite frankly, I’m sick of it too.  We can’t even recognize when someone is doing us a favor.”  He looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry; take as long as you need.”  We proceeded with the job and everything was perfect after that.

The next week, the general took me to lunch.  He said that he didn’t know how to thank me.  I had broken his military mindset; he felt human again.  He winked and said his wife adored the new man he’d become.  We remained friends until I moved away.  He sent me tons of business and became one of my biggest supporters.

The Power of Win-Win

What happened that day looked like pure magic.  But it’s boilerplate for how our emotions are designed to work.  When the generals started behaving from win-lose, I showed emotion.  They played the fallen masculine, and I played the feminine reflection.  When the general got the message and moved to win-win, the emotions stopped; and we easily came to a perfect resolution.

I didn’t consciously know what I was doing at the time; but some part of me did.  It is the template for the perfect male-female win-win relationship in the outer world and the perfect male-female mind relationship in the inner world (the alchemical marriage).

Emotions Lead to The Causal Belief

Once I accepted win-win as my new way of living, I discovered the power of emotions and how they could lead us to our beliefs.  I eventually learned how to let go of our beliefs and remain in win-win.

Not everyone was like my general friend.  Most people wanted to hold on to the fight and continue to go for the win.  But as I cleared more and more of my own win-lose mindset, they’d usually go fight with someone else.

After that day, giving in to win-lose interactions felt horrible.  The other person wanted win-win too, but they didn’t know it.  So even when they won our win-lose conflict, they fought more.  Win-lose is the root of all addictions and problems.  The more you chip away at the pile of bullshit that forms it, the less you want to play the games.

Tragedies are Caused by Win-Lose

People create tragedies just to experience win-win. The initiated said that we lose our power over nature and she screams when we forgot that we were born to cooperate.  As above, so below means that the world works the same way the mind works.  Win-win minds will one day manifest a win-win world.

Terrorism, shootings, bombings are all caused by win-lose belief systems perpetuated by religion and politics.  When something horrible happens, people stop competing and cooperate for the greater good.  But then life goes back to normal and they bring out the gloves.  The cycle perpetuates because the cause (the win-lose mindset) is never fixed.

I’m no longer interested in honoring those who ban together in a tragedy or fight well in a war.  They aren’t heroes; they are looking for relief from their suffering.

I’m interested in the man or woman who chooses win-win to avoid the tragedy, before they have something to gain, just like my general friend.  His medal of honor in Vietnam was worthless in his daily life.  He became a true hero when he quit fighting wars and found the magic of win-win.  He got the highest reward in life; he found his True Self.

Is end of war possible?  I think so.