By Cathy Eck
People often believe that they can’t get to win-win because they seem powerless in a situation. This is common for people who let go. Authority figures often have a smaller perspective than we do. It’s painful to live or work in their shadow.
Most humans believe that the goal of life and relationships is to prove that their perspective is right or good even when it’s harmful or limiting to others. While everyone wins with a win-win perspective, if we make win-win the right perspective, battles erupt. Usually the winner is the one with the most powerful role (the authority playing the masculine role) or the most battle toys.
The one in authority rarely gives up their competitive advantage. We all must learn how to get to win-win from the seemingly powerless feminine role. This is the true essence and biggest challenge of initiation. It creates invisible leaders who make everything right without guns, protests, or even charitable contributions.
Jane works as a server in an upscale restaurant known for fine customer service. Her boss is a real jerk, and no one would deny that. Jane is a top-notch employee. Her customers always ask for her. She receives excellent tips, and her reviews are stellar. Jane’s boss doesn’t value the customers or employees. He’s completely disorganized and unfair. Jane would quit, but she loves her job and her loyal customers.
Most people in Jane’s situation would feel like a victim. They would feel powerless to change the situation and probably spend a lot of time whining and complaining about their boss to friends and family. This is clearly the normal response, but it isn’t effective. This response doesn’t change anything. In fact, it makes it worse. Every time Jane complains about her boss, she’s giving him more power. She’s unconsciously admitting that his beliefs have power over her.
She could fight with him and try to prove him wrong. But again she’s giving his beliefs power. Since he’s the authority, he’s likely to win.
The truth is that anything that’s false has no power at all except that which we give it. If we truly see the other person’s beliefs as false, then why argue. They don’t have any power. We argue because we believe their perspective or position has power. If they agree with us, they believe they’ve lost even if the outcome is win-win; false selves hate to lose.
If Jane lets go of every belief that gives power to her boss’s perspective, she’ll gain all of her power back. If she truly reaches this place of clarity; she’ll connect to her boss’s True Self. They will reach a win-win settlement possibly without even speaking a word. Often the other person suddenly does things your way, and they are happy to do so; letting go bypasses their win-lose false self. Obviously wielding such power demands complete integrity.
Jane’s Possible Beliefs:
My boss is a jerk.
I’m powerless to change this situation.
This isn’t fair.
I do a good job but get no reward.
No one appreciates my hard work.
I should be treated better.
My boss doesn’t like me.
I don’t know what to do.
I can’t win no matter what I do.
Moving Out of Right and Wrong
When our mind is thinking this way, we’re powerless even if everyone agrees that we’re right. Being right has no more power than being wrong in the illusion. What has power in the illusion is the mask of authority. All of the above beliefs generate emotion, proving they’re just beliefs. None of them are true (even though they are the current reality). Our current reality is always generated by our past beliefs. To change reality, we need to let go of the causal beliefs even if we got them from the person we’re fighting.
Right and wrong live at the bottom of the triangle; win-win lives at the top — the realm of the True Self. Even if we are on the side of right, we lose in right and wrong because the bottom of the triangle is actually lose-lose. At its best, living from the false self is an upscale prison.
If Jane lets go of these beliefs and stands in the truth, knowing that she loves her job, always does her best, and is loved by her customers, she’ll be more powerful than her boss’s position or beliefs. He’ll have to move into win-win. If he can’t or won’t, he’ll leave the situation because he’ll be stuck with his own emotions. The discomfort will push him out of the situation naturally. Authority wins in the illusion because the authority’s facade of power gives them the right to project their emotions, which are caused by them holding false beliefs in their mind, on to those below them (in feminine roles). This makes them look more powerful and right than they are; feeling their emotions causes us to be unable to discriminate clearly.
The initiate understood that opponents exist to expose beliefs. If an authority can pull us into their web, they are exposing beliefs that we can let go. Since the initiate’s goal was a free mind with no beliefs, they welcomed opponents as tests that proved they were masters of letting go.
If we stand completely in our True Self, holding no anger, resentment, or beliefs about the other or ourselves, we’ll win and the other person(s) will win too. We’ll become invisible leaders and change the world. This process is completely harmless, totally organic, and absolutely fair.
We won’t change the world by changing the minds of the false leaders, protesting, raising money, or winning wars. We’ll change the world by letting go of the beliefs the leaders and authorities use to control us. Truth, fairness, and love will ultimately win.