The Host Parasite Relationship

Host Parasite relationship

By Cathy Eck

 

The Host

I never thought much about the notion of hosting until visiting Ecuador for a few months. I considered the woman who owned the home I stayed in to be my host.  Ironically, I started having problems with my internet provider during that time; of course, they were my “hosting” company.  The odd thing was that my hosting company was perfect until I went to Ecuador.  Clearly an old belief was coming up for releasing.

I decided to review my memories around hosting in general.  Many memories surfaced, and all were the same situation with different people.   I’d meet someone in my home or a neutral place, and we’d get along great.  Then they’d invite me to their home where they were the host.  Now I couldn’t stand them.  I felt as if they gave me food and wine in exchange for the whining that I would endure until I could politely escape their house of horrors.  One of these people even said to me, “Now you’re on my turf.”

The host role is a masculine role.  The true masculine host gives unconditionally.  The false masculine host looks like it gives when it actually takes like a parasite; it gives conditionally.

 

Host and Parasite

The word host has an opposite or a complement, depending on how you look at it — parasite.  Wikipedia says, “The host and parasite exert reciprocal selective pressures on each other, which may lead to rapid reciprocal adaptation.”

Humans shouldn’t be adapting to each other’s false selves.  Sadly, most relationships have a fragile quality to them.  Everyone behaves like tightrope walkers focused on holding the delicate balance.  People adapt to the most fragile ones; and everyone is secretly miserable.

A whining host behaves like a parasite, sucking the life out of its guests.  As a false masculine, they establishes the tone of the experience for everyone.  The false masculine commands the power and control of the masculine role while also receiving the benefits that belong to the feminine role.  Consequently, people seek the spotlight in the home or the stage.  They get the power, and they get the attention and/or money too.  They often label that win-win.  Those of us in the feminine role label it lose-lose.  We have no power; and we receive things we don’t want.

My internet hosting company pretended to serve me.  But they sent me crap that shut down my computer and websites.  I felt that I had to protect myself from my own host.  Ah, I was now seeing the pattern.  I felt the same way when visiting these hosts — like I needed to protect myself.  Since I’m not a fan of wrapping myself in white light, I wanted to find out how I ended up in this situation over and over.

Power in the illusion requires getting others to submit to or follow the leader’s beliefs so they can get what they want.  If you look at royalty, they give nothing; they have all the power, and boy do they receive.

Both of my hosts wanted me to listen to their self-inflicted problems and feel sorry for them.  I was supposed to marinate in their crap and not hold them responsible.  I had to pretend the cause of their problem was a mystery.  I had to pretend that they were a victim.  As a good guest, I was supposed to follow this social norm.  It was time to let that go.  I’d had enough.

 

The Escape

We generally feel powerless in the feminine role.  We’ve been trained that we can’t or shouldn’t get the masculine host to change.  But I’ve discovered that when I completely let go of my feminine role in any drama (including my emotions), the scene does change.  When I let go of my feminine role in my relationship with the host, I moved beyond roles (or into a True Masculine place from their point of view).  Now I only had to make sure that I didn’t judge or label them.  I had to make sure that I was speaking truthfully, not grabbing the stage.  Frequently, the host would relax; and our conversation became light, creative, and fun.  They became a proper host.

If they just wanted power and control over me (or still thought they did), they’d try to see me as the problem — a parasite.  They wanted their beliefs or drama validated.  They were now feeling the emotions that they were previously projecting out by whining.  The angst was where it belonged, with the whiner (parasite pretending to be a gracious host).

I’d often get trapped at this point because they thought that I was causing their emotions.  If I didn’t say anything, they’d often say, “Are you doing something to me?”  Often I’d doubt myself.  Was I the cause?  We live in a strange world where we believe we can say horrible things without paying a price.  And when held accountable, people blame the listener or questioner for the emotion they feel.

When I encounter new belief patterns, I go back into my memory and replay old situations with my new understanding.  I see the memory as it was; but this time, I also let go.  I don’t take in what the other people said; I see their beliefs as just beliefs — powerless, untrue, and certainly not who they are.  I watch as the situation changes in my mind.  It has to.  Of  course, it’s perfect in my mental workshop; but my repaired memories become my new history.  This sets the tone for my future real life exchanges.  Yes, we can change the past.

Eventually, in my mental workshop, I saw that the human opposite of host wasn’t parasite; it was guest.  The host now unconditionally gave; and I, the guest, joyously received.  Ironically, once I did this inner work, my Ecuadorian host fixed up my room.  She started to give to me in many ways.  And my internet hosting company took responsibility and fixed their problem.

Have You Transformed or Conformed? That is the question!

It's never too late

By Cathy Eck

 

Transformed

Creating a memorable story requires a transformed protagonist.  What does it mean to be transformed?  According to most people, to be transformed is really to have finally conformed.

Larry is a problem.  He can’t sit still in school.  He doesn’t do his homework.  His grades are appalling.  Larry daydreams all day long.  He plays alone on the playground; he’s been labeled antisocial.  “What are we going to do with Larry?”

At home, Larry’s addicted to his LEGO blocks; he builds things for hours each day.  To everyone around him, Larry looks lazy.  They believe that he will never function in the real world; he hates hard work.  When he’s allowed to watch television, Larry watches sci-fi movies.  No one notices that Larry is building a new kind of spaceship in his mind.  He dreams of going to far off places.  Larry’s constantly trying to understand rockets and what materials will endure the type of voyage he imagines in his mind.  Unbeknownst to anyone else, Larry’s doing equations in his play that make his homework look infantile.  On the internet, Larry’s studying metals. Larry watches science fiction shows to get ideas to enhance his dream.

Larry can’t stand his parents and teachers; they don’t get him.  They see a lazy, unfocused, and socially-deficient failure.  They never invest the time to watch or listen to Larry.

Eventually, they threaten him.  Larry must improve his grades or the LEGO blocks go.  He must study three hours each night under his parents’ supervision.  Larry gave in; he had no choice.  The next reporting period, Larry got straight A’s.  My God, everyone is so happy.  “Larry has transformed,” they say.  Oh no, they’re so wrong.  Larry hasn’t transformed; Larry has conformed.

Now that his mind is filled with facts, Larry becomes social.  Kids like him; he helps them with their homework.  Larry fits in.  Larry is voted class President and most likely to succeed.  He dates the cutest girl in class.  Larry decides that his dream was unrealistic.  Who really needs a rocket scientist anyway?

 

Larry Grows Up

Larry gets his Ph.D.; he graduates Summa Cum Laude in mathematics.  He’s a great professor.  He marries and has a son.  Larry is happy.  Occasionally he remembers the joy he felt with his LEGO blocks; he wonders if he’ll ever feel that again.  Larry buys his son some LEGO blocks.  As soon as the child can pick up a block, he’s showing him how to build rockets.  Larry reads him space and flying books each night.  He lives vicariously through his son.

But Larry’s son, Harry, loves to draw.  Larry tries to bridge the gap; maybe they can draw rockets.  But Harry wants to draw animals.  Larry’s dream dies another death.

As Larry gets older, he gets cranky.  His nice social facade cracks.  He complains and gets sick all the time.  His wife wonders what’s happened.  He watches the sci-fi channel all day long.  No one understands Larry now because no one ever understood Larry.  Is it too late for Larry to have a Hollywood-quality transformation?

 

Transformed

No, it’s never too late.  Letting go allows us to get back on our own unique and perfect path.  And every inch of that path is perfect. It doesn’t matter where we get back on.  It just matters that we get back on.  We start enjoying life from that moment forward.  To do that, we must let the past go.

Larry is still listening to society; they do think it’s too late for him.  Does it feel good that Larry couldn’t still design a rocket?  Hell no!  Does Larry still have a mind?  If Larry had already designed a rocket, what would be different about his life today, nothing other than he’d have a different memory of the past.  The past is over anyway.

Larry and his wife watch their grandson each day.  The grandson found Larry’s old LEGO blocks.  But Larry can’t stand the sight of them anymore.  They remind him of childhood and the failed attempt to build rockets with Harry.

Larry’s mind is pushing him to the illusion’s exit point, but Larry doesn’t know how to go within.  If Larry would witness his emotions instead of spewing them all over his wife and grandson, he could exit the illusion.  If he witnessed his emotions (not wallowed in them) his old beliefs would rise to the surface, and he could let those old beliefs go.  He’d see that he was right as a child, but he was surrounded by people who hated their own True Selves.  It’s sad, but it’s reality for most people.  How could they support Larry in his dream when they had long ago tossed away their own dreams?

Let’s imagine that Larry does witness and feel his emotions.  He realizes that he conformed; he discriminates and lets go.  Eventually, Larry feels true compassion for himself and the people around him who conformed.  They’re all dead now; in truth, they never lived because they never transformed.

Larry realizes that he’s been angry at Harry because Harry didn’t conform.  He travels the world photographing and painting animals.  Larry witnesses that anger now, and it disappears.  Larry realizes that he gave his son what he wanted most…the opportunity to be himself.  He was a good dad.

Several sci-fi movies have begun and finished as Larry traveled the inner voyage of his life.  Then his grandson taps him on the knee.  “Grandpa, you okay?  Wanna play with me?  I’m trying to build a rocket, but I don’t know how?  Will you help?”

Larry smiles.  “Yep I sure will.  We’ll build the best rocket you could ever imagine!”  Years later, Larry’s grandson graduates with honors in engineering; he and grandpa design a new prototype rocket.  The university where Larry taught funded the project; and today it lifts off as thousands of Larry’s past students cheer on the professor they loved.  Larry’s found his joy again.  He’s transformed.  That’s a wrap.

 

PS:  This is dedicated to my ex-father-in-law who never lived because he never transformed, but he has a grandson named after him who never conformed.  His name is not Larry, and I don’t know if he liked rockets!

 

 

 

Roles: Internal and External

Roles in our mind

By Cathy Eck

 

False Self

Our mind works like a movie projector to create our view of the world.  We experience what we’re projecting with our body.  If we only had a True Self, we’d live in the Garden of Eden.  But watching fruit grow on trees is boring.  So we create stories.

Reality equals the True Self plus our Beliefs (false self)

A good metaphor for the false self (as designed) is temporary storage.  The True Self is permanent storage.  One person creates a story within their mind.  This person splits up their mind into multiple characters that interact, but all the characters exist within the story writer’s mind, forming an illusory creative whole.  The storyteller brings that inner creation into the outer world via “The Word.”  At this point, the story writer is done.  Now humans co-create to perform the story, and they’re thrilled to do that because it’s fun, and it’s just a role.  They get to walk in someone else’s shoes for a short time.  Each actor is a valuable part of the whole.  If a few actors don’t show up, the story would dissolve.

Hollywood does this perfectly; it’s a haven for creativity.  Business people also create visions then bring others in to play roles within the vision.  No one is chained to these visions for life.  When they finish their role, they delete the story.  Their minds are virgin again.

Religion is different.  Someone creates  a story, and they make it true.  They cast people into roles that never end.  It’s like the “Hotel California.”  “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.”  Why?  You forgot that you could let go of the role.

We love story.  We don’t care how wild and crazy the story is.  Actors play horrible roles, but they don’t become the characters permanently.  When the role is done, they drop it because they view it as a temporary role — it’s not who they are.

Roles aren’t the problem.  The problem is the belief that we are our roles or that we can’t let them go.  Roles come with beliefs so they cause us to retain beliefs that we don’t need or want.

 

The Illusion

In the illusion, the lead masculine role casts the story and then convinces others that they must play the roles they’re cast in for life.  No wonder we want to die.  They give us the shit roles while they get the A-list parts.  Most people are playing roles in a story that they didn’t create and don’t really like — no great actor would do that.

We came here to create stories and play roles — for sure.  But we don’t have the right to make lifetime roles — that is why the Lifetime channel makes crappy movies.

 

Getting Free of Roles

To get free, we must identify who’s playing the masculine role of the screenplay we’re cast in.  What do they want from us?  What do they define as good or right?  What beliefs have we accepted because of that role?  As we let go of the beliefs around the role, we gradually step back until one day we can see the big picture from the director’s chair.  We see that our role is just a role.  It isn’t our destiny, purpose, or karma.  We don’t have to play it anymore.

Then we’ll see that everyone in the illusory play was an actor, even our worst enemy.  We’ll applaud them, not hate them.  They probably didn’t choose their role either.  Most people today are playing roles cast by their ancestors in a story that was written thousands of years ago.  We’re afraid to quit our roles because we think God gave them to us.  The story writers said their stories were cast by God so we’d accept a role that sucked.  Can you see how fucking stupid that is?

The illusion feels like hell believes everyone identifies with their role.  The think they are a Jew, Christian, or Lightworker.  But they aren’t.  It’s a role.

We don’t let go because we become vested in the story.  Let’s look at the story of Armageddon.  Those who believe that the story was created by God won’t let it go.  They want the story to play out to the end, and they believe that they’ll be the victors in a win-lose drama of epic quality.  They’ve become so absorbed and proud of their role that they don’t feel their own misery.  They have no compassion for those who will lose.

They’ve lost access to their True Self and can’t see beyond the set.  Some people escape but find another role without first becoming free of the old one.  “I’ll take this role where I get to ascend to the stars.  Or I’ll join this religion where I get to live as a monk and not work in a job I hate everyday.”  They’re making a lateral move within the illusion.  They aren’t getting free.  This creates conflicting roles in their mind.

 

Hollywood

The answer is in Hollywood.  We’re all actors.  We take a part in a marriage, culture, religion, business, or political group; and when we’ve had enough, we should simply let go and drop the role without guilt, shame, or fear of judgment.  We’d return to home base — our True Self.

If we want a different role, we first clear out the old role.  We can’t play Forest Gump if we’re still playing Idi Amin.  Once we’ve broken free of old roles, we’re back to zero again.  We’ll choose new roles and only play characters in stories that we love.  We’ll make sure we trust our director.  Or we’ll write our own story.

But what about those collective dramas that have unhappy endings like Monsanto, Armageddon, or businesses that harm the earth.  This answer is on Broadway.  How many actors does a play have to lose before the show can’t go on?  We’re those actors; we can drop our roles and eventually bring down the production.

Letting Go and Children

Masculine and feminine roles

By Cathy Eck

 

Masculine Role Teachers

Once we understand the illusion’s roles, letting go becomes easier.  New Age teachers, clergy, gurus, and pop psychologists are well meaning, but they don’t understand roles.  All the techniques taught in expensive workshops and self-help books came from people who managed to somehow get themselves into the masculine role.  The masculine role is funny.  You feel enlightened because suddenly the emotion leaves your body; it gets projected on your shadow — your students, employees, children, or followers.

The masculine role was designed so that the power was in the role.  That way, one could be a wimpy, little man and rule the world (think Wizard of Oz).  The masculine role is blind; they believe the shadow they see is real.  It isn’t.

Now you’ve entered a new chapter of life or you wouldn’t be reading this.  You’re letting go so you can remember your pure thinking.  If you turn your thinking into a system after you remember it, I’ll kick your ass.  I’m joking!  The True Self has no beliefs to impose on others, and they know everyone has the truth inside them.

 

Why?

Why did you look to those false teachers?  You were trained to do so as children.  You were raised by people who thought you’d be perfect if you thought like them.  That’s the blindness of the masculine role.   We learn it; then we do it to others who are feminine to us.

Today’s parents try to self-help their children.  They’re fixing their own projection.  Kids write to me and beg me to write to their parents.  But that’s not my job.  They must learn to let go from the feminine role.

 

Feminine Role Escape

The last thing to give someone in the feminine role is a masculine technique — like affirmations.  It won’t work for them.  They don’t believe they can change their mind because they’re stuck in a masculine shadow.  If they manage to drag that masculine ass to a self-help workshop, the masculine role will question their sanity.  The masculine mind views itself as positive and shiny already.  They already know this stuff.

The person in the feminine role will emotionally back up like a sewer because they’ll think they must be the problem; they don’t know what they’re doing wrong.  Their mind will run in circles.  They’ll take responsibility for what’s being projected on them, which gets them nowhere.

 

Religious Parents

Religious parents are masters of the false masculine.  The good parent (masculine role) projects their anger on the bad child (feminine role).  The kid goes to school and bullies (projects).  He gets a taste of the masculine role and does to others what was done to him.

The parents says, “I didn’t cause that.”  Yes, they did!

They caused it because they didn’t realize that their child was their shadow reflection.  As soon as the child can work his way into the masculine role, he becomes the good masculine and projects until he finds a mate — someone who can play his powerless feminine.  Roles aren’t true; but they get passed down from generation to generation as if they’re true.  To play the role of our parents feels satisfying because from the child’s point of view, we’ve made it into the role of authority.

Many children psychologically reverse their minds to be good (people pleasers).  They learn to do the opposite of what the parents and teachers are projecting.  They obey the words, and ignore the projection.  They take the parent’s control dramas and turn them into love.  They take punishment and turn it into discipline.  They often say things like “My parents did the best that they could.”  These people will unconsciously repeat the same drama with their children because they’ve relabeled it as good or right.  Once psychologically reversed, the illusory world doesn’t look up-side down anymore.  

There’s a huge price to pay for psychologically reversing our minds.  We can’t experience unconditional love.  I was married to a people pleaser.  When I finally could unconditionally love him and give him total freedom, he thought I hated him.  He was looking for the emotional connection he felt with his family of origin and the earlier version of me, and it wasn’t there anymore.  Emotions only exist in false-love connections.

 

The Exit Ramp

In the exit stage, we redefine roles.  We must become a strong and firm masculine leader to those in the illusion (often our parents).  We must support truth and expose falsehood.  This takes courage.

One Easter, we went to visit my in-laws.  One of my children was excited about the candy that was coming since my mother-in-law had been talking it up.  Suddenly I heard my mother-in-law reprimanding my child for jumping around.  She said, “I’m going to tell the Easter Bunny you’re bad — you don’t deserve candy.”  He looked at her so strange.  He didn’t believe in the Easter Bunny since I told my kids the truth — that it was a story.  But she spoke her words with such conviction that, for a moment, he questioned his truth.

I ran interference for him.  I explained to my mother-in-law that she held the Easter Bunny in mind as a lie — a means of control, not a cute story.  My son gave her a chance to correct her thinking, and she damn well better take it.  I wasn’t mean, but I was firm.  I explained to her that kids jump.  He wasn’t doing anything wrong; he was reflecting the contrived excitement that she projected on him.  She didn’t understand; and I didn’t care.  My child felt protected.

People raised in religion are taught that suffering or sacrifice is the way to God.  They often got punished as children for doing things that kids do.  As parents, they do what was done to them.  That’s sad, but it’s still wrong.  The best advice I can give any parent is before you discipline your children, take the mote your parent’s gave you out of your own eye.

 

 

 

Who Is Hurting Whom? A Relationship Trap

Relationship problems

By Cathy Eck

 

Relationship Difficulties

The illusion is always backwards from the truth.  Once we’re lost in it, we can’t see the truth.  We’re filled with emotions; and we just want someone, anyone, to fix them.

Most arguments happen because one person or group wants others to eliminate their emotions or fulfill their false needs and wants.  However, if we meet another’s need or want, they aren’t likely to fix the cause.  They’ll just expected us to fulfill it again and again.  Inspirational speakers and clergy, advertising, drug companies, and traditional medicine and therapy all prey upon this aspect of the illusion.  We will come back again and again for a fix, and they will gladly continue to bill us.

Initiation saved me from this trap.  From the initiate’s perspective, relationship exposes the places that our false self still holds beliefs.  If someone can upset us, or we fear them, our false self is afraid of losing power to them.  They’re playing a masculine role in an illusion where we’re feminine.  If we feel we must control or fix others, we’re playing the masculine role.  In the illusion, of course, the masculine role appears to have all the power.

As we travel the path of initiation, we find it increasingly difficult to meet another’s false needs or wants.  We want authentic relationships.  Even money isn’t enough incentive to play a permanent false role in another’s life.  We want others to join us in freedom.  And often, we’ll try to convince them to let go.

We can look rude or uncaring when we suggest letting go or won’t do what they believe they want or need.  But once we see the world’s suffering as an illusion created by FALSE beliefs, we can’t pretend it’s true anymore.  We can’t feel good about fixing effects.   This is one of those awkward stages.  We find it hard to sympathize with their false problems.  We can’t condone their disempowering labels.  We often feel bad about this because we do care.

They think their beliefs, needs, and wants are real and won’t go away.  They believe what their mind tells them; they refuse to let go.  Usually, we can see that their problems have a payoff; they manipulate others to fill their deeper false need or want, such as loneliness, insecurity, or lack of love.  They create a false connection to others, which appears to sooth their separation from their own True Self.

 

A Simple Example

Your partner asks you to spend time with them.  You say, “No, I want to be alone tonight.”  So partner says, “So I’m not important.  You’re so hurtful.  You don’t care about me.”  Those are three imaginary false self statements.  Your partner is giving you reasons for why you said “No.”  But none of them are true; you know that.  Your partner, however, has deep loneliness at the core of their false self.   They don’t want to feel that loneliness and let it go; they want you to take it away.

Often our social brainwashing kicks in.  We fix their need; and we feel obligated to fix it.  Then we’ll get entangled in their illusive reality.  In time, we’ll resent them.

 

Who’s Hurting Whom?

Nothing has caused me more confusion and pain in my life than this confusing issue.  I can see the beliefs that keep others stuck, and I simply refuse to condone them.  But I’ve often been seen as rude and uncaring for exposing others’  beliefs.  Their false self would think I was trying to hurt them.

I lived in a world of people who were addicted to the illusion and wished me to grant them a moment of comfort rather than a life of freedom.  I simply didn’t belong.  My gift for freeing people was a curse in their illusion.  Beliefs are sacred in the illusion.  One who tries to change or eliminate them is evil.

I know I’m not alone.  Many people now see that freedom is the most loving thing we can give another.  And they, too, often feel like strangers in a strange world.

From the perspective of initiation, the general rule to see who hurt whom is to look at who’s generating emotions.  But people with giant false selves have become masters of the illusion.  They can often say something like our partner above without displaying any emotion.  That’s because they truly believe they’re entitled to our attention.  Their loneliness feels real, even infinite.  They have pride or rightness about their beliefs.  If we don’t see what they’re doing, we’ll drown with them.

If our partner was paying attention to their own emotions, they’d notice that none of their statements felt good.  They aren’t the truth.  They’re meaningless mind recordings from their past.  They’d let them go.  We wouldn’t have to fill their false need; they’d now understand us.  They wouldn’t attach false meaning to our words.  They’d thank us for helping them get closer to their True Self.

Our social customs are confusing because they focus on physical actions and not mental clearing.  Being there for another doesn’t mean listening to them dump baggage on us, soothing their emotions, or filling their false needs.  Our normal social customs create codependence, possession, and bondage; they don’t support truly loving relationship.  Gone too far, they can even lead to physical, emotional, and mental abuse.  Besides, our social customs are really expensive.

The ancient teachers taught that our false self wasn’t meant to be connected to others.  It was devised as an individual container so that we could create individually.  When someone says they need us, they’re trying to link false minds.  They want us to fix the effect of their beliefs.  They’re actually hurting us while saying we’re hurting them.  They want us to be half of an illusory whole.

Initiation is about undoing all of our false self connections and finding our true wholeness.  When we’re no longer linked to others via beliefs, needs, and wants, we’re free, and they’re free too.

 

The Path of Initiation: Thinking or Doing?

nitiation is a path of least action

By Cathy Eck

 

Initiation is a Mental Path

Initiation is a thinking (mental) path, not a doing path.  This can be confusing at first.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mean that you won’t ever do anything again once you choose to move in the direction of initiation.  Initiation isn’t a path of contemplation or avoidance of activity.  The initiate simply gets his or her thinking correct before taking action.  If it appears that a decision needs to be made, they know they aren’t ready to take action.  The perfect path is always clear and obvious.

On the other hand, the illusion emphasizes doing.  We’re good if we work hard.  We’re good if we do nice things.  Religious people copy what Jesus did, without regard for how he thought.  They don’t notice that Jesus never took action without getting his thinking straight because he followed the path of initiate.

 

Doing

Let’s assume that we’re having a problem with another person.  The doing path will cause us to think that we need to say something to them.  We might think that we need to change our behavior or ask them to change theirs in order to fix the problem.  Worst case, we might manipulate or trick them into being or acting different.  We might use reverse psychology or behavior modification on them.  Any of these options amount to nothing more than fixing the effect.

Our society confuses doing with love.  People often write to me and say that their spouse doesn’t give them attention or their boss doesn’t appreciate them.  What we do is always an extension of what we’re thinking or what we believe.  If another person’s doing is an issue for us, then we must get to the cause of our discomfort (which is always in our minds).  We have to eliminate the thinking that’s causing the need or want that we believe the other should fill for us.  We want or need people to behave in a certain way when we have an emotional or spiritual void (always caused by beliefs).  We can let go of the causal belief and eliminate the void.

In masculine roles, we get angry when people reflect our unwanted or negative beliefs; we expect the people in our life to behave better than our own beliefs about them.  In initiation, we don’t break our mirrors.

 

Thinking

In initiation, we put right and truthful thinking first.  First of all, we need to know what we’re thinking about any situation.  Any thoughts that produce emotion are false even if they match our current reality.  Regardless of whether the thought that feels bad is about us, the other, or the relationship, we let it go.  The goal is to get our mind back to the truth.  This is much easier to say than to do.  Our minds are highly stuck on observing reality; we’re sure that whatever we observed or experienced was true.

For most of us, reality is simply an illusion produced by our beliefs.  We can only get to the truth, which is always positive, win-win, and good, by letting go of the unreal.  Eventually, our mind becomes peaceful and clear.  If at that point, we’re inspired to take action, it will be the right action for everyone concerned because it will come from a truthful and free mind.

Too often, we jump into action because we want things to be complete or resolved.  We just make matters worse.

 

Getting What You Need

Let’s look at another example.  We need to make some quick money.  We’re frantic that we’ll run out before money comes in.  Our knee-jerk reaction is to get a job, any job.  We take action after action only to get more and more confused and desperate.

Granted it isn’t easy to let go when we’re filled with fear, but it’s the most important time to do so.  In a situation like this, I give myself an entire day, and allow my thoughts to arise.  With each thought, I decide if that thought feels good or doesn’t feel good.  If it doesn’t feel good (has an emotional component), then I let it go.  Then I let the next thought arise.

If we can’t feel any emotions, we can create a quick mental image of a perfect work situation.  Then witness our thoughts.  If a thought arises that moves toward that vision, we keep it.  If a thought comes up that moves away from that vision, we let it go.  Remember, letting go just requires recognition that the thought is false.  Usually false thoughts feel bad unless we’ve trained ourselves to suppress our emotions.

If we do this process for an entire day, something will change.  we’ll have a much freer mind, more options, and our actions will pay greater dividends.  But it’s a rare person who can do this for more than a few minutes.  Most people will be surfing the internet or whining to their friends before long.  Others will wallow in their emotions and feel sorry for themselves.  These so-called normal activities all strengthen our problems.

 

Initiation and Payoffs

For initiation to work, we must eliminate all payoffs.  If we’re out of work, perhaps we don’t really want a job.  If we’re sick, we might be getting attention for it.  If we’re having relationship problems, we might feel superior to others when we play the martyr role.  Hidden payoffs can really get in the way of change.  We often won’t see what we need to let go until we release all the hidden payoffs.

Finally, we must be honest and ruthless with ourselves.  Avoid guilt, shame, or blame.  We don’t have to share what we let go, don’t have to make amends, and don’t even have to explain ourselves.  When we let go, the world changes.  Things take care of themselves because we’re no longer feeding the illusion.  Eventually, by letting go, all things can be made right again without anyone else doing a thing.

 

 

The Most Powerful Weapon: Guns or Unconditional Love

LGBT Congratulations

By Cathy Eck

 

Guns or Unconditional Love

We live in a crazy time where people who say they love Jesus shout words of hatred to those who are different.  Many of them pack a lot of heat.  It’s hard to know how to handle these types of incongruent people.

The false God of the Old Testament plays loudly in the religious zealot’s mind.  They don’t realize that they’re caught in a bait-and-switch program. They consciously honor Jesus while unconsciously projecting the rules of their false, punishing God on to anyone they feel fits their description of evil.  They don’t seem to notice that Jesus didn’t obey or honor the punishing God, and he didn’t think much of organized religion.

These Christians aren’t Christ-like.  They aren’t “Loving their enemies,” nor are they remembering that Jesus said that what kills us is what comes out of our mouth, not what goes in.  I’m not religious, but I do take the words of Jesus seriously because he speaks the words of initiation.

Fundamentalists might have numbers in their favor, but they have no real power.  We just have to know what to do when we’re in a tough situation with anyone who has a rigid, one-track mind.  Beliefs only have power over us if we believe them; but often, our automatic training causes us to believe people even when what they say feels terrible.  If we can let the belief that is laced with emotion go, we move back into power.

 

The Masculine Side

Let’s examine a conversation between a straight fundamentalist man projecting his beliefs on a gay man.  The fundamentalist says,  “If you keep up your behavior, you’ll go to hell.  The Bible says so.”  We know he’s speaking from beliefs because the words are emotionally charged and not win-win.  They fail both tests of truth.

Forget the words for a moment, and just focus on the emotion.   The speaker does feel the emotion (even if he doesn’t show it), but he believes the emotion is saying he’s right (psychological reversal).  He thinks the gay man is causing his emotion when his own poison words are causing his emotion.  Eventually that emotion will push him to think another thought to elevate his position because he has no concept of letting go.  He’ll think something like, “I’m doing this to help him so he doesn’t go to hell.”   He feels calmer since he now believes that he’s being helpful or kind to the gay man.  But his new statement is still not true — it doesn’t pass the win-win test.

Masculine-oriented minds are pretty accomplished at falsely elevating their position with thought.  They believe that if we’d think like them, everything would be perfect.

 

The Feminine Side

Let’s assume that our gay friend doesn’t consciously have the typical religious good-and-evil world view.  But subconsciously he does, or he wouldn’t have encountered this zealot.  He now has three choices:

In the first choice, he doesn’t discriminate.  He believes what the fundamentalist says because he shares the belief that what feels bad is true.  If our mind has this belief, we’ll be triggered to accept beliefs that are laced with emotion.  That belief shuts off our natural discrimination.  He’ll most likely try to defend himself, but he won’t win because now he’s on the same false playing field as the fundamentalist.  He’s stuck.

In the second choice, he’s a bit wiser.  This time he hears the fundamentalist’s words but realizes that what he just heard isn’t the truth. He recognizes his inner emotional signal to let go.  He doesn’t take on the fundamentalist’s projection or even try to fight him, he just realizes that the fundamentalist is stuck in false thinking.  He’s won the battle, but he hasn’t yet won the war because he remembers the event and the horrible feeling of being judged.  It worries that it could happen again.

He has a third choice if he discovers the power of unconditional love or true forgiving.  True forgiving means to go back to your state of mind before the first giving (the negative incident).  The fundamentalist’s giving was the statement that the gay man was wrong and was going to hell.  To forgive, he must ask himself why he would encounter such a man and get this unwanted gift.  He’s looking for the cause inside of his OWN mind.  Most likely, he believed that if it happened to others, it can happen to him.   Perhaps he also had some religious beliefs of his own that he needs to clean out.  He could have quite a complex of beliefs in his mind that attracted the hater.  If he let’s go of ALL causal beliefs, his power will return.  It’s no longer possible for the fundamentalist to project his beliefs on him.  When authorities can no longer project their evil on others, they’ll all wake up very quickly.

 

Winning With Unconditional Love

The LGBT battle for equality affects us all — it symbolizes the return of the powerful feminine.  The feminine aspect of man and woman became powerless when the patriarchal God was elevated and the Goddess disappeared.  This has caused us all to feel powerless when we are in a feminine role.

A few years ago, I was researching ancient Polynesian stories for a presentation.  I found one story that I really loved.  The story said that humans have long struggled with the problem that the masculine mind gets too power hungry, too righteous, and too war oriented.  At crucial times, large numbers of courageous souls volunteer to come to the planet with feminine minds in male bodies to return peace to earth.  They called them fairies because they thought they were magic.  Their strong feminine mind balances the overly masculine mind of the straight men in power.  Consequently, the birth of gay children was celebrated because they knew that fighting was about to end.  I’m willing to believe that story — it feels really good.

Projection, Responsibility, Abuse and Letting Go

Responsibility

By Cathy Eck

Sad Stories

The most common emails that I receive are sad stories.  Someone with lots of beliefs and issues, emotionally, psychically, or physically abused the person who wrote to me.  The writer feels stuck because the abuser won’t take responsibility for their actions.  They won’t apologize.  Maybe they won’t even admit that they did anything wrong.  Consequently, the writer can’t seem to leave the pain of the abuse behind.  Often they’re stuck because they’re focusing on the physical event itself instead of the beliefs in their mind before and after the event.

Freedom begins with taking responsibility for everything in OUR mind.  If we accept that we put beliefs in (even if tricked to do so), then we can take those beliefs out.

 

Abusers are usually fragile personalities that are quick to anger and slow to forgive.  Abusers are filled with beliefs.  Emotions arise within them (because of whatever they’re thinking), but they don’t recognize the connection between their thoughts and their emotions.  They’re sure the cause is outside of them.  If you happen to be nearby when they feel emotions, you’re the cause.

Prior to any abuse, abusers always say or imply something that causes their potential victim to lose power.  The abuser claims the masculine role.  If the potential victim believes the abuser, they fall out of their safe True Self into a feminine role within the abuser’s dangerous illusion.

For example:  “Put your hands up or I’ll shoot” is a statement that says, “I’m in charge here, and you’re feminine to me.  You must do whatever I say.”  Since most people are trained to drop into the feminine role on command, the abuser usually succeeds.

The abuser fails when the potential victim doesn’t drop into the feminine.  If the potential victim stays in their True Self, they’re inspired to speak the right words or take the right action to end the abuse.

I recently saw a robbery on television.  A robber walked up to a cashier with a gun and gave a command.  The cashier replied,  “I’ll give you what you want, but you must step over here.”  The cashier didn’t believe the robber’s command; he retained his power and remained calm.  Then the cashier threw a cup of spices in the robber’s eyes.  No one was harmed, and the robber left.  In the interview, the cashier said he was inspired to speak and act — that’s his True Self in control.

For thousands of years, humans have gotten stuck when cast in feminine roles.  Thus, people battle for masculine power.  However, true power comes from our True Self.  Here’s the key to staying in power:

Emotions are always a reaction to our OWN beliefs.  Other people’s emotions are their reaction to their OWN beliefs (not what we did or said).  

 

The robber was emotional.  The cashier recognized that the robber’s emotion-wrapped words weren’t true.  He stayed in his True Self where no one can rob or harm him.

 

The Powerless Feminine Side

We don’t come into the world armed with a rulebook of beliefs because beliefs are false — unreal.  We come in as True Selves.  But, we inevitably trigger the beliefs of authority figures early in life because we don’t know their rules or beliefs.  They punish, shame, or guilt us; or worst of all, they blame us for their emotions.

We accept that blame because they’re our authority figures; we’re supposed to respect and trust them.  We’re now living in their illusion where their beliefs and rules have power.

 

They Won’t Let Go

Many people spend their lives fixing their parent’s illusion.  That won’t lead to freedom.  Other people think they have to wait patiently until their abusers let go, apologize, or die; but that rarely happens.

Look again at our robbery example.  The cashier didn’t wait for the robber to change his mind.  He didn’t try to transform or psychoanalyze the robber.  The cashier simply took responsibility, didn’t accept the command (beliefs) of the robber, and never became feminine to the robber.  He stayed in his True Self, where he remained powerful and safe.

 

Practically Speaking

You go home to your parents for a visit, and your father says, “I don’t want you to move to LA.  I’ll worry.”   What he’s really saying is that you need to do whatever keeps me from feeling emotions.  You recognize that in order for that to happen, you’d have to move into a eight-by-ten cement room with no door.  You want to move to LA, but you don’t want your dad to worry.

At this point, most of us start trying to convince dad that we’ll be safe, and no matter what we say, he doesn’t hear us.  Or we get stern and take over the masculine role and say, “Sorry, I’m grown up now.  I’ll do what I want,”  which causes a power struggle.

What we don’t do is let go first.  Dad’s statement doesn’t feel good.  Therefore it isn’t the truth.  Now he may be a first-class master worrier in the illusion you share with him.  But his True Self doesn’t worry.  So if you let go, you’re not in his illusion anymore.  The conversation must shift.

If inspired, you offer a response after letting go that causes him to join you.  If not, you wait until he says something else.  “Your mother will cry if you aren’t around.”   He’s had some training in the black arts of guilt.  But you notice what he said doesn’t feel good.  You don’t believe it.  You stay in your True Self.  If you stay clear, something will shift in the conversation.  More important, you’ll remain free.

Power games occur only because we allow ourselves to be pulled into another person’s illusion.  Once we’re in it, it looks real.  We can’t be happy in another person’s illusion, and we can’t change their illusion.  But we don’t have to.  We just have to let it go; and return to our perfect life.

 

 

Understanding Embarrassment, Shame, and Humiliation

Gorilla embarrassment smile

By Cathy Eck 

 

Embarrassment, Shame, and Humiliation 

Embarrassment, shame, and humiliation are the three evil cousins of letting go.  They appear, as we let go, in a very strange and confusing way.  Embarrassment, shame, or humiliation often arise after we’ve let go of lots of related beliefs or a complex belief system.  It feels like we’re embarrassed for being gullible or passing the beliefs we accepted on to others.  But that doesn’t make sense.  What we’re actually feeling is the memorized resistance from the person who imposed the beliefs on us.

When you let go of any belief, you also let go of your projection on anyone that you imposed it upon.  It’s the best gift that you can give to another — more freedom and more love.  No one gets harmed when you stop judging or limiting them.  So you wouldn’t feel embarrassment, shame, or humiliation because you let go.

 

Battling for Freedom

Embarrassment, humiliation, and shame are imposed upon us to get us to accept false beliefs and ignore our own True Self.  As we let go of another person’s beliefs in our mind, the memory of their authority within us starts unloading reasons to retain the beliefs.  We feel the same emotions that we felt when we first accepted their beliefs.  Sometimes it seems that the beliefs are arising in their mind, and they’re reinforcing them just as they’ve done in the past, bouncing the beliefs back in our direction.  In truth, the entire memory is within our mind, but it rarely feels that way.

I once played the feminine role to someone who saw his false beliefs as absolutely true, good, and right.  He was very nice, but most of it was a show.  He was very obedient to the illusion and status quo.  In short, he was a normal false self.

When I didn’t follow one of his rules, which was pretty much everyday, the rule arose in his conscious mind; and he felt emotion.  But he was psychologically reversed.  He didn’t see his rules as false.  Instead, he took the emotion that he felt as a sign that he was right, and I was wrong.  This might be normal thinking; but it isn’t natural and true thinking.  It’s the way of the false self.

He would then rise above his own false belief (and his related emotion) by reminding himself that he was good, and I was bad.  In other words, he moved to the good side of the bottom of the triangle.  Then he blamed me for his emotions to cement his false rightness — tossing me to the bad side of the bottom of the triangle.

I felt emotion as I received his false words.  I believed him only because I felt helpless to change his mind.  I felt stuck in his world.  I could have turned the embarrassment, shame, and humiliation back on him; but I didn’t want to.  He wasn’t bad or evil for having beliefs; he didn’t deserve punishment.  I had to find another way out of his illusory world of beliefs.

 

Psychological Reversal

Psychological reversal (believing false instead of truth) goes back to ancient leaders who trained our ancestors to believe that thoughts or beliefs that generate emotion are true.  That way they could lie to us.  Once learned, people passed the same perspective down to their children.  Leaders haven’t changed much.  Most are still psychologically reversed.  This is the cause of all problems, suffering, and disease.

If you’re stuck in a situation like I was, you know that convincing the person in authority (the masculine role) to change their mind is nearly impossible.  Usually they have lots of pride in their beliefs (another false state of mind).

In an ideal situation, the leader would let go of their beliefs when they saw emotions arise in those who believed them.  But most authority figures find it easier to keep convincing their believers to keep their belief than to let the belief go in their own mind and face their own masculine false god.

 

The Way Out

Eventually, I discovered that emotions tell us what is false within our own mind.  They guide us to the truth when we allow them to show us what to let go.

I’d let the rules/beliefs (and related emotions) go in my mind, and then they’d boomerang back with a memory that would cause me to doubt myself.  I’d see the lie within the memory, and I’d let go again and again.  I had to let go of each memory that came back until nothing remained.  You see, the person who wanted my obedience lived within my mind as a false voice of authority (masculine role) even though he was no longer in my life.  I had to clear out his voice by eliminating all the reasons (most of which involved shame, humiliation, and embarrassment) for believing him.

Each time I let go, it felt like I was battling my infector’s energy — the emotional current was very strong.  I had to witness the emotion, knowing it was false, until it dissipated.  I did this until I let go of enough reasons and memories that it all looked stupid.  Eventually, I was a fish that could no longer be hooked.

To get free, I had to stop looking at his rules through his false lens of good-evil, right-wrong.  I had stay in the natural perspective of true-false.  I assessed the truth of everything that he said based on whether it was win-win and lacked emotion.  If it wasn’t true, I let it go.  The embarrassment, shame, and humiliation disappeared once I realized that his beliefs (and rules) were all false.

As I did this, I grew in power.  I set myself free without any further need for battle.  I slowly became the one with all the power.  I didn’t become right and him wrong, I simply became True and free.

 

How to Get to Win-Win When You Feel Powerless

right and wrong

We can fight forever over who is right and who is wrong; but it’s moving to win-win that ends the battle.

By Cathy Eck

 

Feeling Powerless

People often believe that they can’t get to win-win because they seem powerless in a situation.  This is common for people who let go.  Authority figures often have a smaller perspective than we do.  It’s painful to live or work in their shadow.

Most humans believe that the goal of life and relationships is to prove that their perspective is right or good even when it’s harmful or limiting to others.  While everyone wins with a win-win perspective, if we make win-win the right perspective, battles erupt.  Usually the winner is the one with the most powerful role (the authority playing the masculine role) or the most battle toys.

The one in authority rarely gives up their competitive advantage.  We all must learn how to get to win-win from the seemingly powerless feminine role. This is the true essence and biggest challenge of initiation.  It creates invisible leaders who make everything right without guns, protests, or even charitable contributions.

 

An Example

Jane works as a server in an upscale restaurant known for fine customer service.  Her boss is a real jerk, and no one would deny that.  Jane is a top-notch employee.  Her customers always ask for her.  She receives excellent tips, and her reviews are stellar.  Jane’s boss doesn’t value the customers or employees.  He’s completely disorganized and unfair.  Jane would quit, but she loves her job and her loyal customers.

Most people in Jane’s situation would feel like a victim.  They would feel powerless to change the situation and probably spend a lot of time whining and complaining about their boss to friends and family. This is clearly the normal response, but it isn’t effective.  This response doesn’t change anything.  In fact, it makes it worse.  Every time Jane complains about her boss, she’s giving him more power.  She’s unconsciously admitting that his beliefs have power over her.

She could fight with him and try to prove him wrong.  But again she’s giving his beliefs power.  Since he’s the authority, he’s likely to win.

The truth is that anything that’s false has no power at all except that which we give it.  If we truly see the other person’s beliefs as false, then why argue.  They don’t have any power.  We argue because we believe their perspective or position has power.  If they agree with us, they believe they’ve lost even if the outcome is win-win; false selves hate to lose.

If Jane lets go of every belief that gives power to her boss’s perspective, she’ll gain all of her power back.  If she truly reaches this place of clarity; she’ll connect to her boss’s True Self.  They will reach a win-win settlement possibly without even speaking a word.  Often the other person suddenly does things your way, and they are happy to do so; letting go bypasses their win-lose false self.  Obviously wielding such power demands complete integrity.

 

Jane’s Possible Beliefs:

My boss is a jerk.

I’m powerless to change this situation.

This isn’t fair.

I do a good job but get no reward.

No one appreciates my hard work.

I should be treated better.

My boss doesn’t like me.

I don’t know what to do.

I can’t win no matter what I do.

 

Moving Out of Right and Wrong

When our mind is thinking this way, we’re powerless even if everyone agrees that we’re right.  Being right has no more power than being wrong in the illusion.  What has power in the illusion is the mask of authority.  All of the above beliefs generate emotion, proving they’re just beliefs.  None of them are true (even though they are the current reality).  Our current reality is always generated by our past beliefs.  To change reality, we need to let go of the causal beliefs even if we got them from the person we’re fighting.

Right and wrong live at the bottom of the triangle; win-win lives at the top  — the realm of the True Self.  Even if we are on the side of right, we lose in right and wrong because the bottom of the triangle is actually lose-lose.  At its best, living from the false self is an upscale prison.

If Jane lets go of these beliefs and stands in the truth, knowing that she loves her job, always does her best, and is loved by her customers, she’ll be more powerful than her boss’s position or beliefs.  He’ll have to move into win-win.  If he can’t or won’t, he’ll leave the situation because he’ll be stuck with his own emotions.  The discomfort will push him out of the situation naturally.  Authority wins in the illusion because the authority’s facade of power gives them the right to project their emotions, which are caused by them holding false beliefs in their mind, on to those below them (in feminine roles).  This makes them look more powerful and right than they are; feeling their emotions causes us to be unable to discriminate clearly.

The initiate understood that opponents exist to expose beliefs.  If an authority can pull us into their web, they are exposing beliefs that we can let go.  Since the initiate’s goal was a free mind with no beliefs, they welcomed opponents as tests that proved they were masters of letting go.

 

In Summary:  

If we stand completely in our True Self, holding no anger, resentment, or beliefs about the other or ourselves, we’ll win and the other person(s) will win too.  We’ll become invisible leaders and change the world.   This process is completely harmless, totally organic, and absolutely fair.

We won’t change the world by changing the minds of the false leaders, protesting, raising money, or winning wars.  We’ll change the world by letting go of the beliefs the leaders and authorities use to control us.  Truth, fairness, and love will ultimately win.

 

 

The Awkward Phase On the Path To Freedom

Awkward Phase

 By Cathy Eck

 

Awkward Phase

When I was little, I’d often find myself caught in some stupid habit or pattern of thought.  My mother would say, “Ah, don’t worry about it.  It’s just an awkward phase.”  What might have become an obstruction to my freedom, like OCD or a serious addiction, left about as easily as it came.

Those are great words to remember on the quest for freedom because it often seems like one big awkward phase.  The reason for this is that when you start to choose freedom (the True Self), the remnants of your false self show up so that you can let them go.  But often they look very real, important, and true.  Usually they involve others.  Let’s look at some areas where awkwardness shows up on freedom road.

 

Traditions

Let’s pretend that your family had a tradition of Uncle Joe dressing up like Santa and bringing gifts to the children every year.  Now you’re an adult; you’ve not believed in Santa for a long time.  All the kids are gone, but Uncle Joe still dresses up.  It no longer makes sense. It’s awkward.

But even worse, now that you’ve decided to live from your True Self, you find that you can’t lie anymore.  Lying obstructs our freedom; it feels bad — yes, even so-called white lies.  Uncle Joe isn’t Santa.  The tradition that once looked fun now looks abominable.

In time, every tradition looks wrong from the eyes of the True Self.  Traditions are just beliefs on a schedule.  Traditions serve the false self.

So you’re in a quandary.  You don’t want to ruin what others think is fun; but to pretend Uncle Joe is Santa, you have to honor beliefs that now look ridiculous.  Awkward!

 

Love, Heroes, and Care Takers

People who live with both feet planted in the illusion love heroes and often shine way too brightly in a crisis.  For twelve years, I lived in a rural Virginia town and never saw an auto accident; my friend saw them all the time.  She loved getting in there to help.  I started to wonder if she was helping or causing the accidents.

Love is defined in the illusion as rescuing people from their problems, honoring that they’re victims with no responsibility, and care taking or serving without whining.  Now do a 180 and head for freedom, and you realize that all suffering is the product of the beliefs we’ve borrowed.  You can’t bear to watch someone suffer, victimhood looks like a jail cell, and you abhor problems.  But what do you do with the problem lovers and victims in your life?  Awkward!

Then there is the flip side where you mess up and create some crap in your life.  You know you’re responsible, and you just want time alone to work it out and clear your mind.  But friends and family all want to help you.  They start to feel sorry for you, and you want to kill them.  Very awkward!

 

Intentions

The illusion is all about what you do and what is right and wrong according to the illusory rulebook you’ve chosen to follow.  Now you board the freedom train, and you recognize that intention is what really matters.  Your friend is whining about her bad child for the tenth time this week.  But you can see the truth.  Her story is contributing to her child’s behavior.  Social conventions say a friend is a good listener.  But you want your friend to have a great relationship with her child so you suggest that she drop her story.  Your friend gets very mad and says you’re rude.

Now who is really the rude one?  Is it more rude to bombard your friends with all your problems and victim stories; or is it more rude to say, “I think  you’d be better off if you dropped that story?”  Awkward!

Then there is the flip side where your friends are all talking about American heroes, war, their beloved political party, and pride in America.  They’re funneling tons of fuel into the illusion, and you say nothing.  They call you unpatriotic and say you don’t care about your country.  But you understand that they’re contributing to more war and problems for the country.  You don’t want to contribute to that.  So you look bad again.  Awkward!

 

Emotions

You work very hard on your mind and more and more you realize that if you are thinking something that generates emotion, it isn’t true.  So when your family or friends piss you off, you go to work on yourself.  They start to think they’re perfect.  They never cause a problem anymore.

But then you do something that causes them emotion, and they blame it on you.  They still think that others cause their emotions, and they have no intention of letting what they see in you go.   Even worse, most of the time you didn’t do what they thought you did.  They just caught a glimpse of their own reflection.  Now just try to explain that you didn’t do what they’re sure you did.  Super awkward!

 

The Cause

None of these situations are fun.  In fact, they often make you feel like moving to a remote deserted island.  You feel like the world is just too crazy to live in.

What causes these awkward moments is that in the illusion, we’re trained to see though the eyes of other people or other beings like the old-man-in-the-sky God.  When we move toward freedom, we start to see the world through clear eyes.  However, we still remember how others saw us before.  We’re meeting the past moments that caused us to adopt someone else’s rulebook and abandon our True Self.  Old fear arises that we’ll be judged, humiliated, or punished.  But that can’t happen if we just remember to let go.

What looks like an awkward moment really is one more opportunity to gain freedom.  As long as we remember to let go, it really is just a phase.

 

 

 

Help, I’m Stuck in Someone Else’s Illusion

Stuck in someone's illusion

By Cathy Eck

 

Ties that Bind

For the last two decades, I’ve been connecting the dots that link our stories, beliefs, minds, and physical experiences.  Prior to my research, I felt this link intuitively but couldn’t explain myself.  People thought I was an idiot because I wouldn’t believe their illusion was true.

I looked bad to others because I went against the grain of society.  But, I wasn’t a bad person.  I know that many readers of this blog feel the same way.  Fitting in isn’t an option; we just can’t make our minds small enough to fit into the tiny box that most people call normal life.  But often we unknowingly allow their limited perspective into our minds, and we feel like an alien that must join them or rebel.

Initiation, fortunately, isn’t about joining or rebelling.  It’s about letting go.

I’ve gotten emails from people from less civilized countries asking if I could remove a curse or get them out of someone’s mind.  It seems more obvious to those we call uncivilized that humans get stuck in the minds of others and can’t get out.  Clairvoyants describe this as cording.  They’ll say that they see an etheric cord between a person and their mother or witch doctor.

 

Roles

In other articles, I’ve discussed the masculine and the feminine roles within the illusion.  A witch doctor or a mother plays a masculine role because they have authority.  Feminine roles, like child or patient, have no authority within the illusion.  We all start out as children playing a feminine role.  If the person in the feminine role has a more expansive perspective than the person in authority (masculine role), they feel stuck in someone else’s small illusory view of the world.  Most find it easier to obey the authority than to fight them.  They accept the illusion as the truth and make the best of it.  Fortunately, not everyone is so submissive or life on this planet would be unbearable.

The world we see is a projection of our minds — our beliefs.  I know it doesn’t look that way.  But when you let go of beliefs and see the changes in your world, it becomes obvious.

If we’re submissive to another person’s authority, then we see their projection.  Powerful leaders figured this out eons ago; this is how one person can control the masses.  They get the masses to believe their beliefs.  And it seems people are willing to believe just about any ridiculous belief system.  This is especially true if the people believe the worst lie of all: that something that feels bad can be true.  If people are emotionally reversed to believe lies that clearly feel horrible, they will serve the masters for thousands of years without the authority even lifting a pinky finger.  Sound familiar?

People who belong to religions, see their religious leader’s projections.  As citizens, we see the projections of our political leaders; we even fight their wars.  If we’ve turned our mind over to educators, we see the world they teach us to see.  We also see the projections of the leader of our family, who sees their leader’s projections.  This is how we get stuck in someone else’s illusion.  It’s complex mental web of beliefs.

 

Removing the Cord

It seems impossible to escape because we didn’t create the illusion that imprisons us; it exists in the mind of our authority figures.  But I’m going to share with you the biggest secret of all.

To escape another’s illusion, you must recognize that every slave shares common beliefs with their master.  Every victim shares common beliefs with their abuser.  An authority can’t put you into their illusion without first selling you their beliefs, often with fear and force.

Since we borrowed the beliefs, we can let them go.  But we have to face the fear that caused us to accept the belief.  Once we know how to let beliefs go, our freedom is assured.  We can break open our prison door and take back all our power.

 

Two Sides of Beliefs

All beliefs are dual and have a good and evil side.  The two sides of the belief are like two sides of a coin.  You can get rid of the coin, but you can’t get rid of one side of it.  People try to be good which only makes evil stronger.  Religion lied — its totally designed to keep us stuck within the illusion by telling us to chase good.  It has no exit ramp.  Religious and spiritual people say that the more you move to the light the bigger the evil that chases you.  That’s how it looks in the illusion.  Increase good and you automatically increase your enemy in equal measure.

We’re back to our old standby, the triangle process.  To move up to the top of the triangle, we must get rid of both sides of the bottom of the triangle — not just the bad side.

So while many new agers tell you to take out your magical scissors and cut your magical cord and burn it in your magical fire, that is complete bullshit.  To fix any problem, we must find and correct the cause.  Regardless of how it looks, the cause is always in our own mind.

If we let go of the beliefs that we share with the person in authority, we slowly set ourselves free.  We can’t exist in their illusion if we don’t share their beliefs.  It just isn’t possible.

We’re often afraid to let go of our good because we fear we’ll be bad.  But the opposite of light and good is actually false.  If our goodness and light is true and real, we can’t let it go.  If our goodness and light is false, we’re better off without it.  The only way to end evil is to get rid of its twin — good.  When you get rid of the false good and the fluorescent light, you end up with the truth.  You are free.

The Four Levels of Relationships

relationships

By Cathy Eck

 

Level Confusion in Relationships

In many of my posts, I talk about the nemesis of initiation — level confusion.  Relationships are highly complicated by level confusion.  We view dysfunctional  relationships as normal or even good.  Unconditionally loving relationships are considered fantasy story material or boring.

The pyramid above is physically oriented.  Relationships at the bottom are much more noticeable because they create strong emotions and dangerous physical effects.  The top of the pyramid is barely visible because our bodies and minds are calm and the effects produced are pure, harmless, and lacking in drama.

 

Level 1:  Unconditionally Loving Relationships

This is where we begin our journey on earth — the True Self.  We love everyone; differences are celebrated and complementary.  No one harms another.  People are creative, joyous, and free.  Spirit, mind, and body are congruent.  This level is the goal of initiation — death of the false self; rebirth of the True Self.

When we look at the world through this spiritual or divine orientation, we focus on our own thinking and our own creating.  Our minds hold only true, undivided thoughts.  This level is perfect, but it would become boring if it was the only way we lived.  So we created level two.

 

Level 2:  Mental Relationships

In mental relationships, we create beliefs.  If we use our mind as designed, beliefs are personal or shared for purposeful co-creation.  When our creation is complete or the desired result is obtained, the beliefs were meant to be dropped.  We return to level one until we wish to create again.  This is called first-cause creation.  If we stay in first-cause creation, we remain a mental virgin — our mind is a pure, creative womb.  Our creations are win-win for everyone.  Life is joyous and free; we don’t experience problems.

However, if we create or borrow beliefs that separate us from others such as pretty versus ugly, rich versus poor, or Republican versus Democrat, we move into second-cause creation.  Second-cause beliefs contain an element of judgment, dividing us from the whole.  They’re always accompanied by emotion, which is the signal that what we’re thinking isn’t true and isn’t in our best interest.  When people learn to ignore their emotional signals, they hold on to beliefs as if they’re true.  They become half instead of whole.  They look to emotional relationships for completion, falling even further from their True Self.

 

Level 3:  Emotional Relationships

Most emotional relationships are labeled chemistry or romance.  But they also occur between people who are like-minded in beliefs (especially religious or political).  Beliefs cause us to feel alone and separate; emotional relationships seem to fix that separation.

Emotional relationships are usually held together by seemingly positive emotions such as romance, hope, excitement, and pride.  These are the most damaging emotions.  They pull us right into the illusion and hold us there.

All emotions are signals from our True Self that we’re creating with second-cause beliefs.  It’s as if we’re now running on limited battery power instead of unlimited electric current.  Consequently, emotional relationships last only because the fear of leaving outweighs the emotional pain of staying.  Death provides a welcome ending when our battery power runs out.

In emotional relationships, we feel connected when we’re with the one or ones who complete us.  Outsiders threaten our fragile beliefs and seeming connection.  Group power is false power that pretends to be real power.

Letting go of emotional relationships requires finding the causal belief that got us into the relationships.  We must move up to level two, find the second-cause belief, and let it go.  People often fear losing codependent emotional relationships and miss the opportunity to become whole or to experience higher level relationships.

Emotional relationships feel powerful because emotions create drama and the ups and downs of excitement.  Over time, emotions create disease and problems, which often unite us in yet another dysfunctional way.  Sadly, our creative power is diminished at this level.  Life eventually pulls us down into opposition.

 

Level 4:  Opposition in Relationships

The bottom level of the relationship pyramid is opposition.  It’s the foundation of the physical illusion.  People, who live completely within their false self, view this level as the truth.  Religion invented this world of opposites spiced with judgment — I’m good; you’re evil.  Business and gaming entered the picture — I win; you lose.  Moral and social behavior was defined — I’m right; you’re wrong.  Politics got involved — I dominate; you submit.

This level is the domain of fundamentalist religions and political division resulting in war, poverty, disease, and suffering of all types.  The only way to stay alive at this level is to create second-cause beliefs that place us above others, such as being part of a chosen group.  That takes a lot of effort to sustain because others will work hard to knock us off of our fragile pedestal.

Seeing level four as true is what causes people to have an apocalyptic view of life.  They see themselves as good; those who try to knock them off their pedestal of false superiority are labeled the enemy or evil.  Many try to resolve oppositional problems by looking for someone (like a savior) or something (bigger bomb) that neutralizes all their causal beliefs.

 

The Solution

True safety and real relationship comes from dropping all second-cause beliefs.  We must move out of our false selves and allow our True Selves to lead.

We must follow our emotions to unveil our second-cause beliefs.  We take responsibility for our beliefs, let them go, and ignore the creations and beliefs of others who are lost.  This is how we regain our creative power.

If we organized the above pyramid based on creative power instead of physical power, the levels would be reversed.  Unconditional love has the most creative power.  Opposition has almost none; it’s only about survival.

Unconditional love is pure creative energy.  When the initiate reached that level, they were said to create as Gods.  Earth became their heaven.

Masculine and Feminine Roles In Service (Caregiving and Caretaking)

Love comes from within.

By Cathy Eck 

 

Caregiving and Caretaking

Did you ever notice that we use these two words interchangeably?   It doesn’t make sense because giving and taking are opposites.  So let’s take a deeper look into the original design of the role of care or service.

In the illusion, we focus attention on doing.  People rarely examine their reason, intention, or thinking behind doing — it’s usually to look good or get something in return.  Initiates focused exclusively on thinking.  In the true world, the reason is key; what we do is simply the effect of that reason (or belief).

Our inner emotional system was originally designed to feel peaceful and calm when we followed our True Self; but we were trained to mistake real calmness for the lack of fear that is achieved when we please our false Gods (authorities).

 

A little history (his story) of Give and Take

The sun was the ancient metaphor for God.  The sun gives light and warmth unconditionally.  Thus giving became associated with the sun.

The sun became associated with the masculine or assertive role in humanity (women play masculine roles too).  There were two widely-used metaphors for the feminine — the earth and moon.  The earth represented the feminine quality of absorbing the sun’s rays to creates new life (like human mating).

However, humans weren’t perfect like the sun; so the person playing the feminine role needed the ability to reflect masculine false love, beliefs, or thinking errors.  You don’t want to be absorbing false thoughts.  The moon was associated with emotions because when masculine thinking was wrongful, the feminine expressed or reflected emotions so the masculine could see his or her error and correct their mind.  This was co-creation at its best in that it created a perfect feedback loop.

In the beginning, none of this was about outer relationships.  Everyone has a masculine and feminine aspect to their own mind; life was about managing our inner relationship.  In that way, outer relationships worked also.

Later, the focus moved to outer relationships, and we lost the rulebook for our minds.  In relationship, one person or group plays the masculine role and the other plays the feminine based on who’s giving or asserting and who’s receiving (absorbing) or reflecting.

We play the masculine role when we sell something and the feminine role when we receive payment.  We play the masculine role when we buy something followed by the feminine role when receiving our goods.  We play the masculine role when we talk, the feminine role when we listen.  Roles change all the time.  Some roles are more permanent.  A rider is masculine to their feminine horse.  A guru is masculine to their feminine disciples.

 

It Gets All Screwed Up

When the masculine role is giving from pure intention with no beliefs (like the sun), then the feminine is peaceful, calm, and wise.  Like a wife/mother, the feminine has the innate creativity and wisdom to absorb the sperm and grow a baby.

Being born helpless and feminine causes distortion within our minds.  As children we always play the feminine role.  As adults, we must learn to step into giving, masculine roles.  Some adults don’t transition very well.  They give what they received, which is great if they were loved; but usually they give the same beliefs and suffering they received.  Adults often demand, manipulate, or play victim to get the love and attention they think they need or are entitled to.  Few people have a pure masculine mind that matches the unconditional sun.

 

Undoing the Confusion

We’ve forgotten the original design of masculine and feminine roles, and replaced it with a warped notion of service based on fixing effects.  We focus our attention on doing, and ignore our believing and thinking.  Someone is sick; so we give them medicine, cut out their organs, and hold their hand.  In the initiate’s world this was stupidity.  In the modern illusion, the one giving the service is now a caretaker labeled caregiver.  Doctors mostly function as caretakers that perpetuate disease for financial reward because they only fix effects.  When you give someone beliefs or support their beliefs, you take their power.  Caregiving means letting go of the belief in disease and freeing the person — not good for business.

The ancient people spoke of cursing.  To cure someone, the shaman found the source of the belief that caused the illness — this was always an angry, jealous, or  vengeful authority (words we also use for the false God).  The shaman would threaten the authority until they let go of their illness-causing curse (belief).  With the belief gone, the person healed.

Power struggles erupt between people when they hold beliefs about each other.  In a true relationship, both people focus on letting go of their beliefs.  Caregiving is about letting go and doing only what is inspired; caretaking means holding on to a belief, then doing something that appears to fix that belief for a benefit.  Caretaking steals power from others while appearing to serve them.

 

True Self Perspective

Like everything else in the illusion, the mess didn’t start out that way.  The True Self,  as the perfect masculine (true leader), was the giver of care (pure thought directed outward); the feminine receiver of care became the care receiver or caretaker.  Both roles were crucial for co-creation.  The caretaker absorbed the caregiving like the earth if it was pure.  They didn’t take the care if it was impure; they reflected it back to the caregiver who corrected their erroneous thinking.

When masculine and feminine roles were understood and applied, you never blamed the person playing the feminine role.  Punishing the feminine was breaking your own mirror, which was why it deserved seven years of bad luck.  Superstitions are just more level confusion.

True service is never about doing; it’s about giving pure thought.  When our thinking is pure, our caregiving is pure.  The caregiver and caretaker become one being — the perfect union where two become one.

Handling Passive-Aggressive Behavior and Control Dramas

Photo credit:   www.passiveaggressivenotes.com

Photo credit: www.passiveaggressivenotes.com

By Cathy Eck

This post is related to anearlier post on intimidation and interrogation.

Ashamed of our False Self

People might not admit it, but they’re ashamed of their false self.  Now think about that.  If you’re ashamed of something then you think that it’s YOU.  If you think you are your false self, you try to cover it up with something acceptable and nice.  But it’s still there.  Covering up our false self makes it hard to see and much harder to let go.  So as much as we don’t like that evil little monster inside of us, we must see it to let it go.

One of the keys to letting go of the false self is to realize that your false self isn’t you — not even a little bit.  Your false self is a bunch of beliefs.  You weren’t born with any of them.  The false self was created by authority figures in your life.

This recognition supports you in three ways:

First, you recognize that you aren’t letting go of anything important.  You won’t be needing that manure in the future.

Second, you realize that all the horrible stuff you thought you did was done by your false self (which isn’t YOU).  When you no longer fear being bad, you can’t be anything but good.  Now I realize that statement will hurt church donations, but that’s their problem.

Third, you realize that your True Self, which is good, positive, and loving is the real YOU.  It isn’t gone, it’s buried in false self manure.  Letting go is your giant shovel.

 

The “False” True Self

I know that looks like a typo, but it’s not.  When people are ashamed of their seemingly uncontrollable false self, and they don’t know how to let it go, they create a fake True Self to cover it up (which is more false self).  They sound nice and kind, and often have many profound sayings stored in memory.  But their words of wisdom are not original, and they’re usually passive-aggressive.  Their little aggressive duck legs are paddling hard under the surface, but we only see them passively gliding on the water.

Their goal is to gain power in every relationship.  They want power because they aren’t living from their True Self.  The True Self is never looking for power from others; it has unlimited power.

 

Passive-Aggressive Intimidation

I once had a passive-aggressive intimidator in my life.  He didn’t slam me with criticism; he elevated others above me.  Let’s say I was perfecting my lasagna recipe.  He’d say, “Oh this is good.”  (pause)  “My mother makes the best lasagna I ever ate.”  The pretense was that the comments weren’t connected; but they were.  The goal was to get me to feel insecure so he’d retain the power in our relationship.  I rarely responded to his comments because what can you say?  Any response just increased the manure pile.  The pattern worked for him, and so he repeated it frequently; over time, my self esteem eroded.  I developed the belief that no matter how hard I worked at something, others were always going to be better than me.  

I went searching for an answer.  One day I realized that my ability to be great at anything ended after I met him.  Quite frankly, he was just doing to me what had been done to him to erode his self esteem.  People treat others the way they were treated.  Forget the Golden Rule; no one applies it in the illusion.

I realized that his comments weren’t even true; they were an intentional power play.  So I let my belief go.  I was now standing in my True Self.  The game never worked again.

Passive-aggressive personas trick us because we can’t see the aggressive duck feet.  Often you can feel it; or like me, you notice that your self-esteem is fading.  It helps to go back to another time or place outside of the passive-aggressive relationship.  In my case, I went back to a time before our relationship.  That gave me a touchstone to support letting go of my beliefs.

Intimidators are often passive-aggressive.  We don’t catch the aggressive intimidation part, because it’s passively masked by their expertise or authority.  Telling people that they’re sinners and hell bound is first-rate intimidation. Telling someone they’re incurable because you don’t have a cure is worse than intimidation.

My son is a server; yesterday he waited on two priests.  One commented that the menu changed — some items were gone.  My son told him that if he wanted something from the old menu, he would have it special made.  The priest said, “Change is good, my son.”  My son bit his tongue; he wanted to say, “If change is so damn good then why didn’t you change out of your priest robe before coming to a burger joint.”  The priest demonstrated the latest form of subtle passion-aggression. One appears to be offering advice, but the advice isn’t requested or needed.  In fact, it isn’t even relevant.

My son demonstrated the key to freeing yourself from passive-aggressive relationships.  He knew the priest was talking to himself, because he knows that he loves change.  Knowing ourself is the best defense against passive-aggressive behavior.  The priest was the one desperate for change — dah!  The priest couldn’t know my son because his own false veil was covering his eyes.

No one needs to learn the truth; everyone has it inside already.  We only need to see through the illusion and let the false stuff go; then everyone can live from the truth all the time.  I can’t wait for that day.

Because my son could see through the priest’s passive-aggressive mask, he didn’t believe him.  He just got the joke and had a good laugh.

 

Many people get caught in victimhood because of passive-aggresive behavior and turn it into an advantage to stay sane.  But that keeps them stuck.