The Host Parasite Relationship

Host Parasite relationship

By Cathy Eck

 

The Host

I never thought much about the notion of hosting until visiting Ecuador for a few months. I considered the woman who owned the home I stayed in to be my host.  Ironically, I started having problems with my internet provider during that time; of course, they were my “hosting” company.  The odd thing was that my hosting company was perfect until I went to Ecuador.  Clearly an old belief was coming up for releasing.

I decided to review my memories around hosting in general.  Many memories surfaced, and all were the same situation with different people.   I’d meet someone in my home or a neutral place, and we’d get along great.  Then they’d invite me to their home where they were the host.  Now I couldn’t stand them.  I felt as if they gave me food and wine in exchange for the whining that I would endure until I could politely escape their house of horrors.  One of these people even said to me, “Now you’re on my turf.”

The host role is a masculine role.  The true masculine host gives unconditionally.  The false masculine host looks like it gives when it actually takes like a parasite; it gives conditionally.

 

Host and Parasite

The word host has an opposite or a complement, depending on how you look at it — parasite.  Wikipedia says, “The host and parasite exert reciprocal selective pressures on each other, which may lead to rapid reciprocal adaptation.”

Humans shouldn’t be adapting to each other’s false selves.  Sadly, most relationships have a fragile quality to them.  Everyone behaves like tightrope walkers focused on holding the delicate balance.  People adapt to the most fragile ones; and everyone is secretly miserable.

A whining host behaves like a parasite, sucking the life out of its guests.  As a false masculine, they establishes the tone of the experience for everyone.  The false masculine commands the power and control of the masculine role while also receiving the benefits that belong to the feminine role.  Consequently, people seek the spotlight in the home or the stage.  They get the power, and they get the attention and/or money too.  They often label that win-win.  Those of us in the feminine role label it lose-lose.  We have no power; and we receive things we don’t want.

My internet hosting company pretended to serve me.  But they sent me crap that shut down my computer and websites.  I felt that I had to protect myself from my own host.  Ah, I was now seeing the pattern.  I felt the same way when visiting these hosts — like I needed to protect myself.  Since I’m not a fan of wrapping myself in white light, I wanted to find out how I ended up in this situation over and over.

Power in the illusion requires getting others to submit to or follow the leader’s beliefs so they can get what they want.  If you look at royalty, they give nothing; they have all the power, and boy do they receive.

Both of my hosts wanted me to listen to their self-inflicted problems and feel sorry for them.  I was supposed to marinate in their crap and not hold them responsible.  I had to pretend the cause of their problem was a mystery.  I had to pretend that they were a victim.  As a good guest, I was supposed to follow this social norm.  It was time to let that go.  I’d had enough.

 

The Escape

We generally feel powerless in the feminine role.  We’ve been trained that we can’t or shouldn’t get the masculine host to change.  But I’ve discovered that when I completely let go of my feminine role in any drama (including my emotions), the scene does change.  When I let go of my feminine role in my relationship with the host, I moved beyond roles (or into a True Masculine place from their point of view).  Now I only had to make sure that I didn’t judge or label them.  I had to make sure that I was speaking truthfully, not grabbing the stage.  Frequently, the host would relax; and our conversation became light, creative, and fun.  They became a proper host.

If they just wanted power and control over me (or still thought they did), they’d try to see me as the problem — a parasite.  They wanted their beliefs or drama validated.  They were now feeling the emotions that they were previously projecting out by whining.  The angst was where it belonged, with the whiner (parasite pretending to be a gracious host).

I’d often get trapped at this point because they thought that I was causing their emotions.  If I didn’t say anything, they’d often say, “Are you doing something to me?”  Often I’d doubt myself.  Was I the cause?  We live in a strange world where we believe we can say horrible things without paying a price.  And when held accountable, people blame the listener or questioner for the emotion they feel.

When I encounter new belief patterns, I go back into my memory and replay old situations with my new understanding.  I see the memory as it was; but this time, I also let go.  I don’t take in what the other people said; I see their beliefs as just beliefs — powerless, untrue, and certainly not who they are.  I watch as the situation changes in my mind.  It has to.  Of  course, it’s perfect in my mental workshop; but my repaired memories become my new history.  This sets the tone for my future real life exchanges.  Yes, we can change the past.

Eventually, in my mental workshop, I saw that the human opposite of host wasn’t parasite; it was guest.  The host now unconditionally gave; and I, the guest, joyously received.  Ironically, once I did this inner work, my Ecuadorian host fixed up my room.  She started to give to me in many ways.  And my internet hosting company took responsibility and fixed their problem.

Have You Transformed or Conformed? That is the question!

It's never too late

By Cathy Eck

 

Transformed

Creating a memorable story requires a transformed protagonist.  What does it mean to be transformed?  According to most people, to be transformed is really to have finally conformed.

Larry is a problem.  He can’t sit still in school.  He doesn’t do his homework.  His grades are appalling.  Larry daydreams all day long.  He plays alone on the playground; he’s been labeled antisocial.  “What are we going to do with Larry?”

At home, Larry’s addicted to his LEGO blocks; he builds things for hours each day.  To everyone around him, Larry looks lazy.  They believe that he will never function in the real world; he hates hard work.  When he’s allowed to watch television, Larry watches sci-fi movies.  No one notices that Larry is building a new kind of spaceship in his mind.  He dreams of going to far off places.  Larry’s constantly trying to understand rockets and what materials will endure the type of voyage he imagines in his mind.  Unbeknownst to anyone else, Larry’s doing equations in his play that make his homework look infantile.  On the internet, Larry’s studying metals. Larry watches science fiction shows to get ideas to enhance his dream.

Larry can’t stand his parents and teachers; they don’t get him.  They see a lazy, unfocused, and socially-deficient failure.  They never invest the time to watch or listen to Larry.

Eventually, they threaten him.  Larry must improve his grades or the LEGO blocks go.  He must study three hours each night under his parents’ supervision.  Larry gave in; he had no choice.  The next reporting period, Larry got straight A’s.  My God, everyone is so happy.  “Larry has transformed,” they say.  Oh no, they’re so wrong.  Larry hasn’t transformed; Larry has conformed.

Now that his mind is filled with facts, Larry becomes social.  Kids like him; he helps them with their homework.  Larry fits in.  Larry is voted class President and most likely to succeed.  He dates the cutest girl in class.  Larry decides that his dream was unrealistic.  Who really needs a rocket scientist anyway?

 

Larry Grows Up

Larry gets his Ph.D.; he graduates Summa Cum Laude in mathematics.  He’s a great professor.  He marries and has a son.  Larry is happy.  Occasionally he remembers the joy he felt with his LEGO blocks; he wonders if he’ll ever feel that again.  Larry buys his son some LEGO blocks.  As soon as the child can pick up a block, he’s showing him how to build rockets.  Larry reads him space and flying books each night.  He lives vicariously through his son.

But Larry’s son, Harry, loves to draw.  Larry tries to bridge the gap; maybe they can draw rockets.  But Harry wants to draw animals.  Larry’s dream dies another death.

As Larry gets older, he gets cranky.  His nice social facade cracks.  He complains and gets sick all the time.  His wife wonders what’s happened.  He watches the sci-fi channel all day long.  No one understands Larry now because no one ever understood Larry.  Is it too late for Larry to have a Hollywood-quality transformation?

 

Transformed

No, it’s never too late.  Letting go allows us to get back on our own unique and perfect path.  And every inch of that path is perfect. It doesn’t matter where we get back on.  It just matters that we get back on.  We start enjoying life from that moment forward.  To do that, we must let the past go.

Larry is still listening to society; they do think it’s too late for him.  Does it feel good that Larry couldn’t still design a rocket?  Hell no!  Does Larry still have a mind?  If Larry had already designed a rocket, what would be different about his life today, nothing other than he’d have a different memory of the past.  The past is over anyway.

Larry and his wife watch their grandson each day.  The grandson found Larry’s old LEGO blocks.  But Larry can’t stand the sight of them anymore.  They remind him of childhood and the failed attempt to build rockets with Harry.

Larry’s mind is pushing him to the illusion’s exit point, but Larry doesn’t know how to go within.  If Larry would witness his emotions instead of spewing them all over his wife and grandson, he could exit the illusion.  If he witnessed his emotions (not wallowed in them) his old beliefs would rise to the surface, and he could let those old beliefs go.  He’d see that he was right as a child, but he was surrounded by people who hated their own True Selves.  It’s sad, but it’s reality for most people.  How could they support Larry in his dream when they had long ago tossed away their own dreams?

Let’s imagine that Larry does witness and feel his emotions.  He realizes that he conformed; he discriminates and lets go.  Eventually, Larry feels true compassion for himself and the people around him who conformed.  They’re all dead now; in truth, they never lived because they never transformed.

Larry realizes that he’s been angry at Harry because Harry didn’t conform.  He travels the world photographing and painting animals.  Larry witnesses that anger now, and it disappears.  Larry realizes that he gave his son what he wanted most…the opportunity to be himself.  He was a good dad.

Several sci-fi movies have begun and finished as Larry traveled the inner voyage of his life.  Then his grandson taps him on the knee.  “Grandpa, you okay?  Wanna play with me?  I’m trying to build a rocket, but I don’t know how?  Will you help?”

Larry smiles.  “Yep I sure will.  We’ll build the best rocket you could ever imagine!”  Years later, Larry’s grandson graduates with honors in engineering; he and grandpa design a new prototype rocket.  The university where Larry taught funded the project; and today it lifts off as thousands of Larry’s past students cheer on the professor they loved.  Larry’s found his joy again.  He’s transformed.  That’s a wrap.

 

PS:  This is dedicated to my ex-father-in-law who never lived because he never transformed, but he has a grandson named after him who never conformed.  His name is not Larry, and I don’t know if he liked rockets!

 

 

 

Roles: Internal and External

Roles in our mind

By Cathy Eck

 

False Self

Our mind works like a movie projector to create our view of the world.  We experience what we’re projecting with our body.  If we only had a True Self, we’d live in the Garden of Eden.  But watching fruit grow on trees is boring.  So we create stories.

Reality equals the True Self plus our Beliefs (false self)

A good metaphor for the false self (as designed) is temporary storage.  The True Self is permanent storage.  One person creates a story within their mind.  This person splits up their mind into multiple characters that interact, but all the characters exist within the story writer’s mind, forming an illusory creative whole.  The storyteller brings that inner creation into the outer world via “The Word.”  At this point, the story writer is done.  Now humans co-create to perform the story, and they’re thrilled to do that because it’s fun, and it’s just a role.  They get to walk in someone else’s shoes for a short time.  Each actor is a valuable part of the whole.  If a few actors don’t show up, the story would dissolve.

Hollywood does this perfectly; it’s a haven for creativity.  Business people also create visions then bring others in to play roles within the vision.  No one is chained to these visions for life.  When they finish their role, they delete the story.  Their minds are virgin again.

Religion is different.  Someone creates  a story, and they make it true.  They cast people into roles that never end.  It’s like the “Hotel California.”  “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.”  Why?  You forgot that you could let go of the role.

We love story.  We don’t care how wild and crazy the story is.  Actors play horrible roles, but they don’t become the characters permanently.  When the role is done, they drop it because they view it as a temporary role — it’s not who they are.

Roles aren’t the problem.  The problem is the belief that we are our roles or that we can’t let them go.  Roles come with beliefs so they cause us to retain beliefs that we don’t need or want.

 

The Illusion

In the illusion, the lead masculine role casts the story and then convinces others that they must play the roles they’re cast in for life.  No wonder we want to die.  They give us the shit roles while they get the A-list parts.  Most people are playing roles in a story that they didn’t create and don’t really like — no great actor would do that.

We came here to create stories and play roles — for sure.  But we don’t have the right to make lifetime roles — that is why the Lifetime channel makes crappy movies.

 

Getting Free of Roles

To get free, we must identify who’s playing the masculine role of the screenplay we’re cast in.  What do they want from us?  What do they define as good or right?  What beliefs have we accepted because of that role?  As we let go of the beliefs around the role, we gradually step back until one day we can see the big picture from the director’s chair.  We see that our role is just a role.  It isn’t our destiny, purpose, or karma.  We don’t have to play it anymore.

Then we’ll see that everyone in the illusory play was an actor, even our worst enemy.  We’ll applaud them, not hate them.  They probably didn’t choose their role either.  Most people today are playing roles cast by their ancestors in a story that was written thousands of years ago.  We’re afraid to quit our roles because we think God gave them to us.  The story writers said their stories were cast by God so we’d accept a role that sucked.  Can you see how fucking stupid that is?

The illusion feels like hell believes everyone identifies with their role.  The think they are a Jew, Christian, or Lightworker.  But they aren’t.  It’s a role.

We don’t let go because we become vested in the story.  Let’s look at the story of Armageddon.  Those who believe that the story was created by God won’t let it go.  They want the story to play out to the end, and they believe that they’ll be the victors in a win-lose drama of epic quality.  They’ve become so absorbed and proud of their role that they don’t feel their own misery.  They have no compassion for those who will lose.

They’ve lost access to their True Self and can’t see beyond the set.  Some people escape but find another role without first becoming free of the old one.  “I’ll take this role where I get to ascend to the stars.  Or I’ll join this religion where I get to live as a monk and not work in a job I hate everyday.”  They’re making a lateral move within the illusion.  They aren’t getting free.  This creates conflicting roles in their mind.

 

Hollywood

The answer is in Hollywood.  We’re all actors.  We take a part in a marriage, culture, religion, business, or political group; and when we’ve had enough, we should simply let go and drop the role without guilt, shame, or fear of judgment.  We’d return to home base — our True Self.

If we want a different role, we first clear out the old role.  We can’t play Forest Gump if we’re still playing Idi Amin.  Once we’ve broken free of old roles, we’re back to zero again.  We’ll choose new roles and only play characters in stories that we love.  We’ll make sure we trust our director.  Or we’ll write our own story.

But what about those collective dramas that have unhappy endings like Monsanto, Armageddon, or businesses that harm the earth.  This answer is on Broadway.  How many actors does a play have to lose before the show can’t go on?  We’re those actors; we can drop our roles and eventually bring down the production.

Letting Go and Children

Masculine and feminine roles

By Cathy Eck

 

Masculine Role Teachers

Once we understand the illusion’s roles, letting go becomes easier.  New Age teachers, clergy, gurus, and pop psychologists are well meaning, but they don’t understand roles.  All the techniques taught in expensive workshops and self-help books came from people who managed to somehow get themselves into the masculine role.  The masculine role is funny.  You feel enlightened because suddenly the emotion leaves your body; it gets projected on your shadow — your students, employees, children, or followers.

The masculine role was designed so that the power was in the role.  That way, one could be a wimpy, little man and rule the world (think Wizard of Oz).  The masculine role is blind; they believe the shadow they see is real.  It isn’t.

Now you’ve entered a new chapter of life or you wouldn’t be reading this.  You’re letting go so you can remember your pure thinking.  If you turn your thinking into a system after you remember it, I’ll kick your ass.  I’m joking!  The True Self has no beliefs to impose on others, and they know everyone has the truth inside them.

 

Why?

Why did you look to those false teachers?  You were trained to do so as children.  You were raised by people who thought you’d be perfect if you thought like them.  That’s the blindness of the masculine role.   We learn it; then we do it to others who are feminine to us.

Today’s parents try to self-help their children.  They’re fixing their own projection.  Kids write to me and beg me to write to their parents.  But that’s not my job.  They must learn to let go from the feminine role.

 

Feminine Role Escape

The last thing to give someone in the feminine role is a masculine technique — like affirmations.  It won’t work for them.  They don’t believe they can change their mind because they’re stuck in a masculine shadow.  If they manage to drag that masculine ass to a self-help workshop, the masculine role will question their sanity.  The masculine mind views itself as positive and shiny already.  They already know this stuff.

The person in the feminine role will emotionally back up like a sewer because they’ll think they must be the problem; they don’t know what they’re doing wrong.  Their mind will run in circles.  They’ll take responsibility for what’s being projected on them, which gets them nowhere.

 

Religious Parents

Religious parents are masters of the false masculine.  The good parent (masculine role) projects their anger on the bad child (feminine role).  The kid goes to school and bullies (projects).  He gets a taste of the masculine role and does to others what was done to him.

The parents says, “I didn’t cause that.”  Yes, they did!

They caused it because they didn’t realize that their child was their shadow reflection.  As soon as the child can work his way into the masculine role, he becomes the good masculine and projects until he finds a mate — someone who can play his powerless feminine.  Roles aren’t true; but they get passed down from generation to generation as if they’re true.  To play the role of our parents feels satisfying because from the child’s point of view, we’ve made it into the role of authority.

Many children psychologically reverse their minds to be good (people pleasers).  They learn to do the opposite of what the parents and teachers are projecting.  They obey the words, and ignore the projection.  They take the parent’s control dramas and turn them into love.  They take punishment and turn it into discipline.  They often say things like “My parents did the best that they could.”  These people will unconsciously repeat the same drama with their children because they’ve relabeled it as good or right.  Once psychologically reversed, the illusory world doesn’t look up-side down anymore.  

There’s a huge price to pay for psychologically reversing our minds.  We can’t experience unconditional love.  I was married to a people pleaser.  When I finally could unconditionally love him and give him total freedom, he thought I hated him.  He was looking for the emotional connection he felt with his family of origin and the earlier version of me, and it wasn’t there anymore.  Emotions only exist in false-love connections.

 

The Exit Ramp

In the exit stage, we redefine roles.  We must become a strong and firm masculine leader to those in the illusion (often our parents).  We must support truth and expose falsehood.  This takes courage.

One Easter, we went to visit my in-laws.  One of my children was excited about the candy that was coming since my mother-in-law had been talking it up.  Suddenly I heard my mother-in-law reprimanding my child for jumping around.  She said, “I’m going to tell the Easter Bunny you’re bad — you don’t deserve candy.”  He looked at her so strange.  He didn’t believe in the Easter Bunny since I told my kids the truth — that it was a story.  But she spoke her words with such conviction that, for a moment, he questioned his truth.

I ran interference for him.  I explained to my mother-in-law that she held the Easter Bunny in mind as a lie — a means of control, not a cute story.  My son gave her a chance to correct her thinking, and she damn well better take it.  I wasn’t mean, but I was firm.  I explained to her that kids jump.  He wasn’t doing anything wrong; he was reflecting the contrived excitement that she projected on him.  She didn’t understand; and I didn’t care.  My child felt protected.

People raised in religion are taught that suffering or sacrifice is the way to God.  They often got punished as children for doing things that kids do.  As parents, they do what was done to them.  That’s sad, but it’s still wrong.  The best advice I can give any parent is before you discipline your children, take the mote your parent’s gave you out of your own eye.

 

 

 

Who Is Hurting Whom? A Relationship Trap

Relationship problems

By Cathy Eck

 

Relationship Difficulties

The illusion is always backwards from the truth.  Once we’re lost in it, we can’t see the truth.  We’re filled with emotions; and we just want someone, anyone, to fix them.

Most arguments happen because one person or group wants others to eliminate their emotions or fulfill their false needs and wants.  However, if we meet another’s need or want, they aren’t likely to fix the cause.  They’ll just expected us to fulfill it again and again.  Inspirational speakers and clergy, advertising, drug companies, and traditional medicine and therapy all prey upon this aspect of the illusion.  We will come back again and again for a fix, and they will gladly continue to bill us.

Initiation saved me from this trap.  From the initiate’s perspective, relationship exposes the places that our false self still holds beliefs.  If someone can upset us, or we fear them, our false self is afraid of losing power to them.  They’re playing a masculine role in an illusion where we’re feminine.  If we feel we must control or fix others, we’re playing the masculine role.  In the illusion, of course, the masculine role appears to have all the power.

As we travel the path of initiation, we find it increasingly difficult to meet another’s false needs or wants.  We want authentic relationships.  Even money isn’t enough incentive to play a permanent false role in another’s life.  We want others to join us in freedom.  And often, we’ll try to convince them to let go.

We can look rude or uncaring when we suggest letting go or won’t do what they believe they want or need.  But once we see the world’s suffering as an illusion created by FALSE beliefs, we can’t pretend it’s true anymore.  We can’t feel good about fixing effects.   This is one of those awkward stages.  We find it hard to sympathize with their false problems.  We can’t condone their disempowering labels.  We often feel bad about this because we do care.

They think their beliefs, needs, and wants are real and won’t go away.  They believe what their mind tells them; they refuse to let go.  Usually, we can see that their problems have a payoff; they manipulate others to fill their deeper false need or want, such as loneliness, insecurity, or lack of love.  They create a false connection to others, which appears to sooth their separation from their own True Self.

 

A Simple Example

Your partner asks you to spend time with them.  You say, “No, I want to be alone tonight.”  So partner says, “So I’m not important.  You’re so hurtful.  You don’t care about me.”  Those are three imaginary false self statements.  Your partner is giving you reasons for why you said “No.”  But none of them are true; you know that.  Your partner, however, has deep loneliness at the core of their false self.   They don’t want to feel that loneliness and let it go; they want you to take it away.

Often our social brainwashing kicks in.  We fix their need; and we feel obligated to fix it.  Then we’ll get entangled in their illusive reality.  In time, we’ll resent them.

 

Who’s Hurting Whom?

Nothing has caused me more confusion and pain in my life than this confusing issue.  I can see the beliefs that keep others stuck, and I simply refuse to condone them.  But I’ve often been seen as rude and uncaring for exposing others’  beliefs.  Their false self would think I was trying to hurt them.

I lived in a world of people who were addicted to the illusion and wished me to grant them a moment of comfort rather than a life of freedom.  I simply didn’t belong.  My gift for freeing people was a curse in their illusion.  Beliefs are sacred in the illusion.  One who tries to change or eliminate them is evil.

I know I’m not alone.  Many people now see that freedom is the most loving thing we can give another.  And they, too, often feel like strangers in a strange world.

From the perspective of initiation, the general rule to see who hurt whom is to look at who’s generating emotions.  But people with giant false selves have become masters of the illusion.  They can often say something like our partner above without displaying any emotion.  That’s because they truly believe they’re entitled to our attention.  Their loneliness feels real, even infinite.  They have pride or rightness about their beliefs.  If we don’t see what they’re doing, we’ll drown with them.

If our partner was paying attention to their own emotions, they’d notice that none of their statements felt good.  They aren’t the truth.  They’re meaningless mind recordings from their past.  They’d let them go.  We wouldn’t have to fill their false need; they’d now understand us.  They wouldn’t attach false meaning to our words.  They’d thank us for helping them get closer to their True Self.

Our social customs are confusing because they focus on physical actions and not mental clearing.  Being there for another doesn’t mean listening to them dump baggage on us, soothing their emotions, or filling their false needs.  Our normal social customs create codependence, possession, and bondage; they don’t support truly loving relationship.  Gone too far, they can even lead to physical, emotional, and mental abuse.  Besides, our social customs are really expensive.

The ancient teachers taught that our false self wasn’t meant to be connected to others.  It was devised as an individual container so that we could create individually.  When someone says they need us, they’re trying to link false minds.  They want us to fix the effect of their beliefs.  They’re actually hurting us while saying we’re hurting them.  They want us to be half of an illusory whole.

Initiation is about undoing all of our false self connections and finding our true wholeness.  When we’re no longer linked to others via beliefs, needs, and wants, we’re free, and they’re free too.

 

The Path of Initiation: Thinking or Doing?

nitiation is a path of least action

By Cathy Eck

 

Initiation is a Mental Path

Initiation is a thinking (mental) path, not a doing path.  This can be confusing at first.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mean that you won’t ever do anything again once you choose to move in the direction of initiation.  Initiation isn’t a path of contemplation or avoidance of activity.  The initiate simply gets his or her thinking correct before taking action.  If it appears that a decision needs to be made, they know they aren’t ready to take action.  The perfect path is always clear and obvious.

On the other hand, the illusion emphasizes doing.  We’re good if we work hard.  We’re good if we do nice things.  Religious people copy what Jesus did, without regard for how he thought.  They don’t notice that Jesus never took action without getting his thinking straight because he followed the path of initiate.

 

Doing

Let’s assume that we’re having a problem with another person.  The doing path will cause us to think that we need to say something to them.  We might think that we need to change our behavior or ask them to change theirs in order to fix the problem.  Worst case, we might manipulate or trick them into being or acting different.  We might use reverse psychology or behavior modification on them.  Any of these options amount to nothing more than fixing the effect.

Our society confuses doing with love.  People often write to me and say that their spouse doesn’t give them attention or their boss doesn’t appreciate them.  What we do is always an extension of what we’re thinking or what we believe.  If another person’s doing is an issue for us, then we must get to the cause of our discomfort (which is always in our minds).  We have to eliminate the thinking that’s causing the need or want that we believe the other should fill for us.  We want or need people to behave in a certain way when we have an emotional or spiritual void (always caused by beliefs).  We can let go of the causal belief and eliminate the void.

In masculine roles, we get angry when people reflect our unwanted or negative beliefs; we expect the people in our life to behave better than our own beliefs about them.  In initiation, we don’t break our mirrors.

 

Thinking

In initiation, we put right and truthful thinking first.  First of all, we need to know what we’re thinking about any situation.  Any thoughts that produce emotion are false even if they match our current reality.  Regardless of whether the thought that feels bad is about us, the other, or the relationship, we let it go.  The goal is to get our mind back to the truth.  This is much easier to say than to do.  Our minds are highly stuck on observing reality; we’re sure that whatever we observed or experienced was true.

For most of us, reality is simply an illusion produced by our beliefs.  We can only get to the truth, which is always positive, win-win, and good, by letting go of the unreal.  Eventually, our mind becomes peaceful and clear.  If at that point, we’re inspired to take action, it will be the right action for everyone concerned because it will come from a truthful and free mind.

Too often, we jump into action because we want things to be complete or resolved.  We just make matters worse.

 

Getting What You Need

Let’s look at another example.  We need to make some quick money.  We’re frantic that we’ll run out before money comes in.  Our knee-jerk reaction is to get a job, any job.  We take action after action only to get more and more confused and desperate.

Granted it isn’t easy to let go when we’re filled with fear, but it’s the most important time to do so.  In a situation like this, I give myself an entire day, and allow my thoughts to arise.  With each thought, I decide if that thought feels good or doesn’t feel good.  If it doesn’t feel good (has an emotional component), then I let it go.  Then I let the next thought arise.

If we can’t feel any emotions, we can create a quick mental image of a perfect work situation.  Then witness our thoughts.  If a thought arises that moves toward that vision, we keep it.  If a thought comes up that moves away from that vision, we let it go.  Remember, letting go just requires recognition that the thought is false.  Usually false thoughts feel bad unless we’ve trained ourselves to suppress our emotions.

If we do this process for an entire day, something will change.  we’ll have a much freer mind, more options, and our actions will pay greater dividends.  But it’s a rare person who can do this for more than a few minutes.  Most people will be surfing the internet or whining to their friends before long.  Others will wallow in their emotions and feel sorry for themselves.  These so-called normal activities all strengthen our problems.

 

Initiation and Payoffs

For initiation to work, we must eliminate all payoffs.  If we’re out of work, perhaps we don’t really want a job.  If we’re sick, we might be getting attention for it.  If we’re having relationship problems, we might feel superior to others when we play the martyr role.  Hidden payoffs can really get in the way of change.  We often won’t see what we need to let go until we release all the hidden payoffs.

Finally, we must be honest and ruthless with ourselves.  Avoid guilt, shame, or blame.  We don’t have to share what we let go, don’t have to make amends, and don’t even have to explain ourselves.  When we let go, the world changes.  Things take care of themselves because we’re no longer feeding the illusion.  Eventually, by letting go, all things can be made right again without anyone else doing a thing.

 

 

The Most Powerful Weapon: Guns or Unconditional Love

LGBT Congratulations

By Cathy Eck

 

Guns or Unconditional Love

We live in a crazy time where people who say they love Jesus shout words of hatred to those who are different.  Many of them pack a lot of heat.  It’s hard to know how to handle these types of incongruent people.

The false God of the Old Testament plays loudly in the religious zealot’s mind.  They don’t realize that they’re caught in a bait-and-switch program. They consciously honor Jesus while unconsciously projecting the rules of their false, punishing God on to anyone they feel fits their description of evil.  They don’t seem to notice that Jesus didn’t obey or honor the punishing God, and he didn’t think much of organized religion.

These Christians aren’t Christ-like.  They aren’t “Loving their enemies,” nor are they remembering that Jesus said that what kills us is what comes out of our mouth, not what goes in.  I’m not religious, but I do take the words of Jesus seriously because he speaks the words of initiation.

Fundamentalists might have numbers in their favor, but they have no real power.  We just have to know what to do when we’re in a tough situation with anyone who has a rigid, one-track mind.  Beliefs only have power over us if we believe them; but often, our automatic training causes us to believe people even when what they say feels terrible.  If we can let the belief that is laced with emotion go, we move back into power.

 

The Masculine Side

Let’s examine a conversation between a straight fundamentalist man projecting his beliefs on a gay man.  The fundamentalist says,  “If you keep up your behavior, you’ll go to hell.  The Bible says so.”  We know he’s speaking from beliefs because the words are emotionally charged and not win-win.  They fail both tests of truth.

Forget the words for a moment, and just focus on the emotion.   The speaker does feel the emotion (even if he doesn’t show it), but he believes the emotion is saying he’s right (psychological reversal).  He thinks the gay man is causing his emotion when his own poison words are causing his emotion.  Eventually that emotion will push him to think another thought to elevate his position because he has no concept of letting go.  He’ll think something like, “I’m doing this to help him so he doesn’t go to hell.”   He feels calmer since he now believes that he’s being helpful or kind to the gay man.  But his new statement is still not true — it doesn’t pass the win-win test.

Masculine-oriented minds are pretty accomplished at falsely elevating their position with thought.  They believe that if we’d think like them, everything would be perfect.

 

The Feminine Side

Let’s assume that our gay friend doesn’t consciously have the typical religious good-and-evil world view.  But subconsciously he does, or he wouldn’t have encountered this zealot.  He now has three choices:

In the first choice, he doesn’t discriminate.  He believes what the fundamentalist says because he shares the belief that what feels bad is true.  If our mind has this belief, we’ll be triggered to accept beliefs that are laced with emotion.  That belief shuts off our natural discrimination.  He’ll most likely try to defend himself, but he won’t win because now he’s on the same false playing field as the fundamentalist.  He’s stuck.

In the second choice, he’s a bit wiser.  This time he hears the fundamentalist’s words but realizes that what he just heard isn’t the truth. He recognizes his inner emotional signal to let go.  He doesn’t take on the fundamentalist’s projection or even try to fight him, he just realizes that the fundamentalist is stuck in false thinking.  He’s won the battle, but he hasn’t yet won the war because he remembers the event and the horrible feeling of being judged.  It worries that it could happen again.

He has a third choice if he discovers the power of unconditional love or true forgiving.  True forgiving means to go back to your state of mind before the first giving (the negative incident).  The fundamentalist’s giving was the statement that the gay man was wrong and was going to hell.  To forgive, he must ask himself why he would encounter such a man and get this unwanted gift.  He’s looking for the cause inside of his OWN mind.  Most likely, he believed that if it happened to others, it can happen to him.   Perhaps he also had some religious beliefs of his own that he needs to clean out.  He could have quite a complex of beliefs in his mind that attracted the hater.  If he let’s go of ALL causal beliefs, his power will return.  It’s no longer possible for the fundamentalist to project his beliefs on him.  When authorities can no longer project their evil on others, they’ll all wake up very quickly.

 

Winning With Unconditional Love

The LGBT battle for equality affects us all — it symbolizes the return of the powerful feminine.  The feminine aspect of man and woman became powerless when the patriarchal God was elevated and the Goddess disappeared.  This has caused us all to feel powerless when we are in a feminine role.

A few years ago, I was researching ancient Polynesian stories for a presentation.  I found one story that I really loved.  The story said that humans have long struggled with the problem that the masculine mind gets too power hungry, too righteous, and too war oriented.  At crucial times, large numbers of courageous souls volunteer to come to the planet with feminine minds in male bodies to return peace to earth.  They called them fairies because they thought they were magic.  Their strong feminine mind balances the overly masculine mind of the straight men in power.  Consequently, the birth of gay children was celebrated because they knew that fighting was about to end.  I’m willing to believe that story — it feels really good.