Win-Win and Our Bodies

An apple a day

By Cathy Eck


People often write to me asking for help with physical problems.  My body has been a huge challenge for me, mostly because the illusion is filled with beliefs about our bodies; and people in my life had rigid body beliefs and enormous trust in experts.  I, on the other hand, found the things that people do to fix their bodies repulsive.  I’ve had a lot to let go, and I’m not done.  But I do know where I’m going.  Here’s what I’ve learned.

The illusion is physically or effect oriented.  We see something wrong in our bodies, and we go to an expert.  We trust whatever they diagnose.  We put their knowledge in our mind and hope it fixes our problem.  We ignore the fact that experts see what they believe — projection.

We ignore our True Self’s wisdom and our own emotional discrimination that’s probably screaming at us.  We’ve given false masters dominion over our body in so many ways, usually out of fear.  Until we confront our fears, they lie under the surface waiting to trap us one day.  We’re playing the health lottery; and the odds of winning are decreasing every day.

Fixing the effects of our false thinking causes slow mental degradation.  We dive even deeper in the illusion every time we fix effects.  We’ve given our money and power to someone else; we’ve put them in a false masculine role over us without realizing it.  We’ll need them again because the cause isn’t really gone.  Eventually, we’ll encounter a problem that no expert can solve.  If we have no awareness of our True Self, that problem will kill us or severely deteriorate our quality of life.  It’s insane that we call that normal.

When the illusion wins, we ALL lose because everyone has fueled beliefs.  It gets harder for anyone to break free.  It’s imperative that we stop feeding the illusion.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying to go cold turkey regarding fixing bodily effects.  Sometimes we have to fix or minimize the effects to get rid of enough fear to let go.  The best way to fix a bodily problem is to follow what we believe.  But later, when things calm down, we should look for the cause and let it go.



Start with the easy stuff.  Recently I saw a quiz on Facebook that said, “Are you toxic?”  I knew what it would ask:  How often do you work out?  Do you drink?  Smoke?  How many servings of fruit and vegetables do you eat daily?  Do you eat fast food?  As I suspected, all the questions were physically oriented.  State of mind was ignored completely.

Health is the illusion’s new religion.  Athletes and models are our false Gods.  We deem their bodies perfect and strive to look like them.  Whatever makes them beautiful, we’ll buy and copy.

We’re hard wired to trust beautiful people.  But we must make sure that we know what beautiful really looks like.

According to the Facebook quiz, everyone should feel guilty and buy cleanses and diet plans and hire personal trainers.  When we’re told what to do, we’ll either rebel or blindly follow.  Either way, we’re supporting the illusion.  We’ll never find the top of the triangle.  The false God is a marketing genius.

This is hard for many people to see.  If they’ve fixed something with knowledge, a program, or practice, they don’t feel the discord of their own beliefs and knowledge anymore.  They judge those who aren’t fixing their effects in the same way.  They’ve projected out their definition of wrong on to those who eat wrong (in their opinion) or don’t work out.  If they stop their practice, their projection will come right back to them.  When we fix effects, we have to keep the belief in the fix alive.



If we get to our True Self perspective, we’ll eat and do what’s right for us.  The ancient people said that the body was the effect of the mind.  If we let go of all body beliefs, we’ll end up bodily wise and beautiful.  However, I suspect that we’d not recognize such beauty today.

Let’s design this toxicity test from the ancient perspective:  Do you love drama?  Whine?  Judge others or yourself?  Do you criticize your body?  Do you fix the effects of your body’s problems?  Do you hold rigid food and exercise beliefs?  Do you believe experts over your True Self?  If so, you’re mentally toxic to yourself and others.  You’re perpetuating the illusion of health and beauty.

Real transformation comes from the inside out.  It’s slow; we go through an awkward stage that makes us constantly want to turn back.  We find more beliefs than we can even imagine.

The mental test represents a perspective that heals the mind and the body; the physical test fixes only the body/effect.  Jesus himself said, “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.” (King James Matthew 15:11)  I like to quote that when my Christian friends behave like food police — shuts them up in a hurry.

The mental win-win perspective is fair to everyone.  The homeless person can practice letting go and be healthy, beautiful, and happy just like the rich person.  Everyone can be uniquely beautiful.

Someone who wants to hold on to their false self won’t like the mental test.  But it’s time for those who benefit from the illusion to lose their false power.  Sadly, the people who say they love us and care for us are often the ones killing us with their rigid beliefs.  As we muster the courage to challenge their beliefs, our body relaxes and heals.  Our True Self stays in power; and we return to our natural state of health, joy, and beauty.



Eliminating Right and Wrong Through Win-Win

Jesus and food

By Cathy Eck


Win-Win Thinking Instead of Right and Wrong

Win-win thinking isn’t easy to apply.  Most humans believe that if everyone thought like them, the world would be perfect.  Win-win thinking is about letting go of our beliefs, even if we aren’t really wrong by appearances, social protocol, or religious standards.  It’s about resisting the temptation to force others to accept or support our perspective of right and wrong.  When we force others to think like us, even if we speak the truth, we get a false self connection with them.  When we let go, we move into a True Self connection; that’s what we really want with everyone.  A True Self connection is our natural state of unity; a false self connection is possession.

A few days ago, I was out taking a walk.  Two of my housemates apparently got into a discussion while I was gone over the right and wrong of drinking wine.  Both of them are Evangelical Christians so you wouldn’t expect them to disagree.  The woman said that drinking is wrong because her pastor says so; Jesus drank only grape juice.  The man said that Jesus drank wine and even made water into wine.  The woman then countered that if Jesus made it, it was special wine, not like the wine we buy at the store.  By the time I returned, they were no longer fighting.  I didn’t know anything about the disagreement.

Soon I learned what transpired while I was gone because each side made comments that showed the argument was still bothering them. My perspective wasn’t even within the scope of the argument so I didn’t get involved.  However, comments about the argument kept arising in conversation; I realized that it was time for me to step back and look at the situation from win-win.  There was clearly something for me to learn.  I couldn’t just ignore the argument even if I wasn’t a participant; I had to make sure my mind was clear of right and wrong.  In that way, I could be a clear influence that might help them resolve their conflict more easily.


Grape Juice Argument

The grape juice argument is clearly win-lose.  She was saying that if you drink wine, you’re a sinner.  She was wielding her superiority position over the other by saying she was the right one; and he was wrong.  Naturally, this didn’t bring out the best in her opponent.

This was a familiar situation for me.  I’d often been viewed as wrong by others who had strong beliefs.  Their rightness depended on my wrongness.  They wanted me to submit to their point of view and admit they’re rightness.  I could see that people with beliefs assume you are opposing them if you just don’t share their belief.


Wine Argument

The man who voted for drinking wine had the natural win-win position.  The woman could choose juice and not be wrong in his perspective.  However, I learned later that he was trying to coax the woman to have a glass of wine.  So he compromised his naturally more expansive and win-win position by trying to get her to let go of her position and join him.

I’d been here too — often with loved ones.  I’d try to push them to let go, and I got caught in their illusionary battle over right and wrong.  Now there were two drowning minds in the sea of limitation.  I remembered that win-win means allowing the other to have their beliefs and suffer the consequences of them.


Expansion is the Goal

The goal of initiation was to let go of all beliefs.  Initiates didn’t care if others had beliefs because they didn’t believe anything that wasn’t true.  They didn’t accept limitation or the notion of right and wrong.  They suggested letting go, but never forced others to do so.

When people have a strong belief, they go looking for support.  They often want to force the other to support their point of view.  If we want support for the truth, we are holding truth as a belief.  When we downgrade the truth to a belief, it has no power.  We stop feeling the need for support.  


Eliminating Right and Wrong

When we get down to the basics, people have a right to do whatever they want to themselves.  Neither the man or the woman’s beliefs were harmful for the other if they each followed their own beliefs.  In a world where beliefs still exist, this is often the best possible outcome.

Ideally, if the people with the most limiting beliefs always let go and joined the more expansive perspective, we’d soon find ourselves all living in paradise. But not everyone wants to let go at this time.  So we must let go of our belief that other people’s beliefs can harm us or limit our life experience.  We tend to fear people with stronger or more limiting beliefs because we’ve all had people impose their beliefs on us in the past.  We’ve felt our world get smaller when others forced their beliefs on us.

If we recognize the beliefs of others as false, they won’t affect our life.  We don’t have to accept the beliefs of even one other; and we can let go of those we’ve already accepted.  Eventually, those with the least beliefs will lead the best lives.  When that happens, we won’t have to encourage anyone to let go.  They will see the obvious benefit and motivate themselves.

Bottom line…my housemate’s argument was absurd.  The very person they fought over said, “Listen and understand! It is not what goes into your mouth that makes you ritually unclean; rather, what comes out of it makes you unclean.”  Jesus didn’t care what people drank.  He cared what people said or believed.

Sadly, my housemates’ disagreement created separation; in truth, they were two friends who loved each other enough to expose beliefs that kept each of them from freedom.  They just don’t realize that yet.


Escaping the Double Bind or Catch 22

By Cathy Eck


Mango and the Double Bind

In the mid-1990’s, Chris Kattan played the flamboyant Mango on Saturday Night Live.  As you can see, Mango verbally tells Garth Brooks to get away; but when Garth Brooks does as requested, he pulls him back with his animal magnetism.

Garth Brooks is clearly confused; he wants to get away from Mango, but can’t.  He obviously can’t come toward him and leave him at the same time.

When I first saw this skit, I thought it was hysterical.  Like most great comedy, it exposes the shadow reality that people usually deny.

Mango demonstrates the double bind, which is a highly emotional and challenging dilemma.  A person (Garth) receives two conflicting messages, and one message negates the other.  A successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other.  The receiver is stuck in lose-lose.

You might know this experience by another name, the Catch 22.  It is the situation that you just can’t win.

Double Bind -- I don't get no respect

Usually, one message is external and the other is internal or unspoken. We don’t see the conflict, but we feel it.



Coping with the Double Bind

In order to cope with double bind messages received from others, most people learn to ignore their feelings.  They train their minds to listen to people’s words and blindly obey.  Others, especially children, find themselves in unexpected trouble because the emotional pull of the unspoken message is stronger than the verbal request.

A symptom that we’ve been caught in the web of another’s double bind message is that we wonder why we behaved or reacted as we did.  We might say something like, “I just wasn’t being myself.”  Sometimes the other blames us for the conflict; and yet, we can’t see how or why we were the cause.

Most of us have our first double bind experience in early childhood.  That sets the stage for many more such experiences throughout life.  These memories feel unresolvable because we just can’t find the cause.


Both People are Confused in a Double Bind

Understanding the cause of the double bind is key.  This can be tricky.  Mango clearly knew what he was doing, and he was the cause.  But he hides his wacky hand motions when Garth turns around; he doesn’t want to be exposed.  It is unlikely that Mango would be willing to admit to his purposeful manipulation; Garth Brooks was right to walk away.

Politicians and slick sales people send out multiple double bind messages in their conversations; they purposefully confuse you so that you will ignore their conflicting data and do what they want.  They have no intention of admitting that they are the cause.


The Innocent Double Bind Message

Most of us send innocent double bind messages.  In the cartoon above, the character probably doesn’t realize that he’s sending out a double bind message of “I get no respect.”  He probably blames the people who don’t respect him for being ignorant, rude, or not honoring his authority.

This double bind can be fixed if the sender takes responsibility for their confusing message.  They have to recognize that they are seeing the mirror image of their message in the other; then they can let go of the causal belief in their own mind.

If we are blaming another for our unhappiness or our lack of fulfillment, we are sending a double bind message.  We want the person to love us, but we don’t believe we are worthy of their love.  We want the job, but we don’t really want to work.  We want our children to get along, but we believe that all children fight.  Our minds are full of internal double binds.  We waste our life trying to manage them, hide them, and leap over them.


Receiving the Double Bind

What if we are on the receiving end of the innocent double bind message?   The sender believes they are being crystal clear when their message is actually double bind.  This is very common.

First, we have to get our own mind clear because the double bind message has probably confused us.  There is a causal belief within us that got us into this situation; letting that belief go is our work.

We find our own causal belief by looking at why we are in the situation, and more important, why do we believe the sender?  Often, they play the role of authority figure in our life.  We might be married to the sender; or we could be their child or their employee.  We have a belief in our mind that we must believe them, please them, or make them happy.  And we can’t succeed.  For the receiver, the cause is rarely about the message; it is nearly always about a win-lose or dominance-submission relationship.

When we are clear, we can sometimes help the other to see their double message.  If they are willing to let go of their beliefs, then a positive outcome can be achieved.  The sender gets rid of their conflicting belief and the receiver can decide to give them what they want (or say no) with clarity.  But if the sender won’t change, it is time to leave our Mango behind.


The Reward is Mental Freedom

Most of us have loads of memories of double bind situations.  They often sit in our mind wrapped in guilt or shame.

We can resolve the double bind memory by re-experiencing it in our mind.  It isn’t easy; and if you are not experienced with this, I recommend you do it with the support of a friend or mentor.

Clarity comes when we can see the message that was sent and the message that was received.  Even if the other person is long gone from our life, we can free our own mind by letting go of our part of the double bind experience.


PS:  I had a best friend years ago that was just like Mango; and I adored her because when I said to her, “Stop being like Mango,”  she laughed.  You see, Mango isn’t bad or even a problem when exposed.  Mango is only a problem when he’s hidden.  


Click here for another article that offers some advice for getting beyond painful memories.  

Cartoon Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane /