The Four Levels of Relationships


By Cathy Eck


Level Confusion in Relationships

In many of my posts, I talk about the nemesis of initiation — level confusion.  Relationships are highly complicated by level confusion.  We view dysfunctional  relationships as normal or even good.  Unconditionally loving relationships are considered fantasy story material or boring.

The pyramid above is physically oriented.  Relationships at the bottom are much more noticeable because they create strong emotions and dangerous physical effects.  The top of the pyramid is barely visible because our bodies and minds are calm and the effects produced are pure, harmless, and lacking in drama.


Level 1:  Unconditionally Loving Relationships

This is where we begin our journey on earth — the True Self.  We love everyone; differences are celebrated and complementary.  No one harms another.  People are creative, joyous, and free.  Spirit, mind, and body are congruent.  This level is the goal of initiation — death of the false self; rebirth of the True Self.

When we look at the world through this spiritual or divine orientation, we focus on our own thinking and our own creating.  Our minds hold only true, undivided thoughts.  This level is perfect, but it would become boring if it was the only way we lived.  So we created level two.


Level 2:  Mental Relationships

In mental relationships, we create beliefs.  If we use our mind as designed, beliefs are personal or shared for purposeful co-creation.  When our creation is complete or the desired result is obtained, the beliefs were meant to be dropped.  We return to level one until we wish to create again.  This is called first-cause creation.  If we stay in first-cause creation, we remain a mental virgin — our mind is a pure, creative womb.  Our creations are win-win for everyone.  Life is joyous and free; we don’t experience problems.

However, if we create or borrow beliefs that separate us from others such as pretty versus ugly, rich versus poor, or Republican versus Democrat, we move into second-cause creation.  Second-cause beliefs contain an element of judgment, dividing us from the whole.  They’re always accompanied by emotion, which is the signal that what we’re thinking isn’t true and isn’t in our best interest.  When people learn to ignore their emotional signals, they hold on to beliefs as if they’re true.  They become half instead of whole.  They look to emotional relationships for completion, falling even further from their True Self.


Level 3:  Emotional Relationships

Most emotional relationships are labeled chemistry or romance.  But they also occur between people who are like-minded in beliefs (especially religious or political).  Beliefs cause us to feel alone and separate; emotional relationships seem to fix that separation.

Emotional relationships are usually held together by seemingly positive emotions such as romance, hope, excitement, and pride.  These are the most damaging emotions.  They pull us right into the illusion and hold us there.

All emotions are signals from our True Self that we’re creating with second-cause beliefs.  It’s as if we’re now running on limited battery power instead of unlimited electric current.  Consequently, emotional relationships last only because the fear of leaving outweighs the emotional pain of staying.  Death provides a welcome ending when our battery power runs out.

In emotional relationships, we feel connected when we’re with the one or ones who complete us.  Outsiders threaten our fragile beliefs and seeming connection.  Group power is false power that pretends to be real power.

Letting go of emotional relationships requires finding the causal belief that got us into the relationships.  We must move up to level two, find the second-cause belief, and let it go.  People often fear losing codependent emotional relationships and miss the opportunity to become whole or to experience higher level relationships.

Emotional relationships feel powerful because emotions create drama and the ups and downs of excitement.  Over time, emotions create disease and problems, which often unite us in yet another dysfunctional way.  Sadly, our creative power is diminished at this level.  Life eventually pulls us down into opposition.


Level 4:  Opposition in Relationships

The bottom level of the relationship pyramid is opposition.  It’s the foundation of the physical illusion.  People, who live completely within their false self, view this level as the truth.  Religion invented this world of opposites spiced with judgment — I’m good; you’re evil.  Business and gaming entered the picture — I win; you lose.  Moral and social behavior was defined — I’m right; you’re wrong.  Politics got involved — I dominate; you submit.

This level is the domain of fundamentalist religions and political division resulting in war, poverty, disease, and suffering of all types.  The only way to stay alive at this level is to create second-cause beliefs that place us above others, such as being part of a chosen group.  That takes a lot of effort to sustain because others will work hard to knock us off of our fragile pedestal.

Seeing level four as true is what causes people to have an apocalyptic view of life.  They see themselves as good; those who try to knock them off their pedestal of false superiority are labeled the enemy or evil.  Many try to resolve oppositional problems by looking for someone (like a savior) or something (bigger bomb) that neutralizes all their causal beliefs.


The Solution

True safety and real relationship comes from dropping all second-cause beliefs.  We must move out of our false selves and allow our True Selves to lead.

We must follow our emotions to unveil our second-cause beliefs.  We take responsibility for our beliefs, let them go, and ignore the creations and beliefs of others who are lost.  This is how we regain our creative power.

If we organized the above pyramid based on creative power instead of physical power, the levels would be reversed.  Unconditional love has the most creative power.  Opposition has almost none; it’s only about survival.

Unconditional love is pure creative energy.  When the initiate reached that level, they were said to create as Gods.  Earth became their heaven.

Are You Experiencing Joy, Happiness, or Just Excited?


By Cathy Eck



Last night I watched an interview of a popular author and speaker, who said, “People’s greatest fear is joy.”   Fear and joy aren’t connected; so I wondered why she would say such a thing.  She said that when people feel joy, they immediately think the other shoe is going to drop or sadness is coming.  She was suffering from level confusion — confusing happiness and excitement with joy.

Remember, we’re using words here to describe something intangible that can only be felt.  It ain’t perfect.  But words can point to the truth, and they’re all we’ve got.

Also, please don’t think that all we need to do is change our language and use the word joy instead of happiness.  We’ve got enough inspirational speakers and preachers doing that and creating massive level confusion between the True and false selves.

When I use the term joy, I’m using one facet of its definition that fits the True Self.  Any True Self quality is win-win — everyone would want to experience it.  It has no opposite.

Happy and sad, on the other hand, are bottom of the triangle opposites.  So when we feel happy, we could also say that we’re not sad.  The two potentials arise together as a unit. Most people are happy when they get what they want and sad when they don’t.


Happiness and Excitement 

Excitement comes with happiness; and grief with sadness.  Both conditions have an emotional component.  Emotion is the nervous agitation that warns us that we’re in the illusion — we’re thinking a belief.  We’re not moving toward our True Self.  Usually, happiness comes from fulfilling a false desire or getting something we think we lack, such as approval, love, or winning over another.

That’s not the same joy we get from unconditionally loving another, resolving a problem in a win-win way, or creating something unique. Joy is independent of others; it’s simply who we are at our core — our True Self.

When we’re happy, it’s natural for us to feel emotion because it is only a matter of time before sadness will rear its ugly head.  The emotion is saying that our mind is split in a win-lose way.  The other shoe does drop in happiness because the sadness will work its way into our experience.

The only way to avoid the inevitable sadness is to stay in a male authoritarian role and consistently project the sadness on to those who submit to you.  Some people are real good at this; they appear to remain happy, positive, and unemotional all the time.  But they are not.


The Other Shoe and Joy?

But what this author described is level confusion at its best.  She said that joy brings up the fear of the other shoe dropping — not possible.  Joy is a True Self quality.  The True Self has no opposite; but those who invented the illusion created an opposite to the True Self by creating Satan to oppose God.  The True God is creative energy; only the false Old-Man-In-The-Sky God has an opposite.  This is where the confusion began — two distinct versions of God were combined into one holy shit unit.

If people recognized that a thought that carried emotion wasn’t true, no one would believe in the false God or Satan.  Religion would collapse.  That is why this information was kept secret. Confusing the false God with the True God creates what is known as psychological reversal.  We honor the false self (false God) and then actually resist our True Self creating a life of suffering, disease, and hard work.  This is the engine of the illusion.  When we get this right, our escape is assured.  We just have to keep letting go.

The emotion we feel in a moment of joy is not related at all to the joy.  It’s always completely related to the belief that is arising that wants to pull us back into the illusion.  The false God in our mind is losing a minion, and it wants us back.  If we can see that the belief causing the emotion is false, we let it go and keep going toward the joy.

People are so afraid of the false God, but I’ve been calling him a liar for years.  He’s an illusion — a story character.  He doesn’t exist except in our false mind.  He’s actually like the hologram of the Wizard of Oz; in real life he’s a little wimpy man.

See the joy for what it is — notice that it’s win-win for everyone in the world if you are joyful.  Watch your mind and you’ll see that what’s causing the emotion is the belief that’s trying to pull you back into the false world.  The belief is unrelated to the joy.  It says someone will get hurt, someone will die, we’ll lose what we’ve acquired, we don’t deserve this, it won’t last, or we’ll get punished.  The belief is what is causing the emotion.  There as many stupid beliefs that stop us from our joy as there are people on this planet.  We have to get damn good at discriminating if we truly want freedom.

The author mentioned above presented this situation as a fact of life as if joy and fear are conjoined twins.  She’s very wrong about that.  She said that this condition stops people and felt we needed to learn to feel the emotion, and do it anyway.  Her advice pushes away the illusion for awhile.  It won’t win today, but it will win.  We still believed it’s lie.  Letting go of the belief is the only answer that ends the emotion forever.

So don’t fall for the trap of thinking that joy causes fear. Recognize that your beliefs cause your emotions — your fear.  Let the beliefs go, and your joy will last much longer — at least until the next belief arises.  Sadly, every exit has a trap; but when we let them all go, we’re truly free.  Nobody can trick us ever again.


Standing Up For Your True Self

The north star is your true Self.

By Cathy Eck


More Level Confusion

A topic came up in a recent mentoring session, and it is a real goldmine.  Understanding how to stand up for your True Self can take years off your journey. Before I unraveled this confusion in myself, I felt as if I were living in hell.  It is yet another tricky form of level confusion.


The True Self

Your True Self is the part of you that is true, unchangeable, and eternal.  It has no opposite.  When you are being your True Self, life flows; you feel on purpose and invincible.  If you’ve not been in this place for a long time because you’ve been on sabatical in the illusion, it shows up as a longing.  Some common words that describe this state are freedom (my favorite), peace, beauty, unconditional love, truth, wisdom, creativity, joy, and infinity.

Your True Self is not about what you do.  It is the part of us that must lead the way.  When I’m free, anything I do is joyful.  When my True Self isn’t leading the way, whatever I do is hard work.  Life from the True Self perspective is inspired.  There are no decisions, no shoulds, no practices, no techniques or tools necessary to get you going or make life work.

In the words of Lady Gaga, “You were born this way.”  This is your NORTH STAR.  If you look in the sky, the north star is constant, fixed.  It doesn’t move.  To the ancient stargazers, it was immortal because it didn’t come and go (birth and death) like the other characters in the sky.


The Illusion

The illusion is a world of opposites, and most of us are born to people who are already card carrying members of the illusion.  They are firmly entrenched in the false self.  They long for their True Self, but they view that longing as impossible to achieve;  if religious, they believe they’ll see their True Self when they die in heaven.

Your bouncing new True Self looks beautiful to them at birth when you are helpless and submissive, but as it starts to rub against their illusion, it slowly looks like something to be fixed.  So they start to teach you to fit in their perspective.  Some people adjust pretty well; others never adjust.

Those who adjust and even come to like the illusion (often because they believe they are winning) don’t want out.  Others see it as wrong to leave the illusion, like it is cheating at life.  Some feel that a good life on earth means hell after death.  Those are all lies that can be let go.

In the illusion, people follow dreams and desires too.  But those false desires have opposites.  For example, a young child loves getting attention; they become an actor.  Their desire is attention, and they get it.  But they can’t turn it off when they go to the grocery store.  They hate the paparazzi.  They miss having a peaceful life, the True Self.  Our True desires have no opposite, no downside.

False self desires are usually about fixing an insecurity or lack.  People desire money because they believe in lack.  They desire approval because they feel insignicant, bad or unworthy.  If you fix the cause, false desires disappear.


Standing Up For Your North Star

Once you know your True Self (North Star), you must stand up for it until you escape the illusion.  During that time, all the events and metaphorical personalities that convinced you that your True Self was impractical, out-of-this-world, problematic, bad, wrong, or just plain selfish will come out of hiding to pull you back.  You must face this personal apocalypse as you stand up for your True Self.

Most people use false self techniques and go to battle, but they never win.  They just wear out and die.  You stand up for your True Self by letting go of anything that another says or does that doesn’t feel good.  The others are only playing a role assigned by your false self so it can stay in power.  They are showing you the beliefs you still have in your mind that are blocking your True Self.  In truth, they are doing you a favor.

Here is where many people get caught.  You commit to total freedom, and suddenly your mother becomes a Christian Fundamentalist.  She wants you to get saved. Getting saved soothed her fear of hell, but it feels horrible to you.  That is all the proof you need that she acted from a false self belief.  But you say no, and she lays on the guilt.  Now you are confused.  You don’t want to hurt or disrespect your mother, but you don’t want to join her religion.  It may even appear that denying her request is imposing your beliefs on her.

Saying no upsets her because it exposes her belief in hell.  She soothed her belief with another belief; but now that you won’t honor her soothing belief, the causal belief is raw and in her face.  Some part of her knows that she hasn’t really fixed the problem, but she doesn’t know how to let go.  She wants to blame you for her emotions.  If you take the blame, you drown with her.  When two people are drowning, no one gets saved.  You must stand up for your True Self and allow her to join you or not.

You must recognize that hell is not true; it doesn’t feel good.  If you believe her or obey her, you’ll both lose.  If she lets go of her causal belief in hell, she’ll also be free.  The key is to notice which person offers the true win-win.  Fixing emotions is never a win.  Her religion adds beliefs to your mind; your freedom frees her mind.  Win-win is the perfect bridge to the True Self.  It is the key to standing up for our True Self.


All roads lead to the notion of good and evil, read more here.