Ending the Fighting, Living from Win-Win

Change our mind Change the World

By Cathy Eck


Fighting Versus Win-Win

In the path of initiation, our mind unravels in three levels of reality.  The first level disappears when our personal reality shifts, and we are left with an understanding of who we are and where we fit in the world.  The second level involves our relationship to others, and the third involves our relationship to the world.  This second-level event in my life didn’t make any sense when it happened in the early 90’s, and it was profoundly embarrassing.  Now I look back and just smile.

Until 1997, I owned a technology business.  My company was hired by a nonprofit organization, run by several retired generals, to design and implement a new membership and accounting system.   I partnered with another company owned by my friend Barry, who happened to be Middle Eastern.  Barry and I completed many projects together; this would be easy for us.

Within a few weeks of implementation, Barry and I noticed some things that the generals didn’t consider.  We saw opportunities to improve their system by upgrading things and shifting the paper flow.  So we went to meet with the generals.  Barry explained the situation, but clearly their bias toward his nationality and accent started to kick in.  They got very angry with him.


The Feminine Speaks

I had no idea what came over me, but I started to cry.  This was not what a professional did.  I tried to mask the tears by pretending to rub my eyes, only causing mascara to smear on my face and make things worse.  One general looked at me and said, “Something wrong?” in a general-like voice.

I cut loose.  “We came here to tell you how we could make your system better.  We are offering to do more work for the same money, giving you more than you asked for.  All you can hear is that we want an extra week to do it.  You act like you’re fighting a war when we’re on the same fucking team.  I just don’t know if I can work with assholes like you.  Life works better when you don’t perceive everyone as the enemy to be defeated.  But how would you know that?”  I fully expected that they would fire me and ask for their deposit to be returned.  But I didn’t care.  Barry was my friend and partner; and I had his back.

The head general looked at the others and said, “She’s right.  We do approach everything in this stupid organization like we’re at war.  Quite frankly, I’m sick of it too.  We can’t even recognize when someone is doing us a favor.”  He looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry; take as long as you need.”  We proceeded with the job and everything was perfect after that.

The next week, the general took me to lunch.  He said that he didn’t know how to thank me.  I had broken his military mindset; he felt human again.  He winked and said his wife adored the new man he’d become.  We remained friends until I moved away.  He sent me tons of business and became one of my biggest supporters.


The Power of Win-Win

What happened that day looked like pure magic.  But it’s boilerplate for how our emotions are designed to work.  When the generals started behaving from win-lose, I showed emotion.  They played the fallen masculine, and I played the feminine reflection.  When the general got the message and moved to win-win, the emotions stopped; and we easily came to a perfect resolution.

I didn’t consciously know what I was doing at the time; but some part of me did.  It is the template for the perfect male-female win-win relationship in the outer world and the perfect male-female mind relationship in the inner world (the alchemical marriage).


Emotions Lead to The Causal Belief

Once I accepted win-win as my new way of living, I discovered the power of emotions and how they could lead us to our beliefs.  I eventually learned how to let go of our beliefs and remain in win-win.

Not everyone was like my general friend.  Most people wanted to hold on to the fight and continue to go for the win.  But as I cleared more and more of my own win-lose mindset, they’d usually go fight with someone else.

After that day, giving in to win-lose interactions felt horrible.  The other person wanted win-win too, but they didn’t know it.  So even when they won our win-lose conflict, they fought more.  Win-lose is the root of all addictions and problems.  The more you chip away at the pile of bullshit that forms it, the less you want to play the games.


Tragedies are Caused by Win-Lose

People create tragedies just to experience win-win. The initiated said that we lose our power over nature and she screams when we forgot that we were born to cooperate.  As above, so below means that the world works the same way the mind works.  Win-win minds will one day manifest a win-win world.

Terrorism, shootings, bombings are all caused by win-lose belief systems perpetuated by religion and politics.  When something horrible happens, people stop competing and cooperate for the greater good.  But then life goes back to normal and they bring out the gloves.  The cycle perpetuates because the cause (the win-lose mindset) is never fixed.

I’m no longer interested in honoring those who ban together in a tragedy or fight well in a war.  They aren’t heroes; they are looking for relief from their suffering.

I’m interested in the man or woman who chooses win-win to avoid the tragedy, before they have something to gain, just like my general friend.  His medal of honor in Vietnam was worthless in his daily life.  He became a true hero when he quit fighting wars and found the magic of win-win.  He got the highest reward in life; he found his True Self.


Is end of war possible?  I think so.




The Flip Side of Winning Isn’t Losing

Charlie Sheen and Winning

As kids we’re not taught how to deal with success; we’re taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?               Charlie Sheen

By Cathy Eck


What is the Real Flip Side of Winning?

Charlie Sheen had a point even if he did take things to the extreme.  Humans are conditioned to believe that winning is everything and losing is a reason to try, try again or try harder.  We don’t want to be labeled a loser, but we are never a loser unless we lose sight of the real prize.

We often focus our eyes on a shallow or material prize that usually has a very important hidden meaning.  It is that hidden desire or fear that shows us where we need some mental healing.

Maybe we think that winning will cause us to be someone special or deserve greater things in life.  Winning might bring us money so we don’t have to struggle anymore.   Winning might open the door so we can express our talent or gift.  You see it isn’t the win we want, we want what appears to be missing underneath.  The irony is that we aren’t ever missing anything; what we want has simply been covered up by a belief — a belief that someone else gave us and isn’t even true.

It is actually our losses that expose our beliefs most often.  When we understand that, our loses can become even greater wins.


What is Rightfully Mine?

The big question that we are all really asking is:  What is rightfully mine?  Often we want something because it made someone else happy.  Our parents and friends push us into their perspective of happiness and convince us to follow a proper career or marry a proper partner.  But following what others feel is right for us, takes us down their path.  We may end up getting what is right for them and sadly have to bear the enormous pain of watching another get what is right for us.

It isn’t selfless to give up what is rightfully ours.  People who give up their desires can’t support others who do choose to follow their heart.  People who abandon their desires become jealous of other people’s success even if the person deserves it.  They lay guilt on those who succeed.  Often we believe them and start to question our motivation or desires until we are company for their misery.

Sometimes people think they want what we have.  To feel good, they have to mentally prove we don’t deserve our success.  Other times, they make our desire wrong saying it isn’t the right desire.  Maybe it isn’t right for them; but more often, they just don’t think they can achieve it.  

Life as an Individual Sport

When I can’t make sense of life in the present, I look to the schools of initiation to see what they thought about a particular subject.  They didn’t have rules or laws or even practices; they had a perspective that was very different from our perspective.  They saw life as an individual sport.  Competition, from their point of view, caused people to lose themselves.  Competition and games were part of the illusory world where pain, suffering, and problems existed.  Competition caused you to focus on the opponent instead of focusing on your True Self.

Just look at the US 2012 Presidential Election.  Each candidate is more focused on what the other plans to do, has done in the past (right or wrong), or whether they are telling the truth.  They are both losers because neither is focused on their own integrity, their own commitment, and their own love for the people of America.  Sadly, neither of them are Presidential material from ancient standards.

The initiates saw competing as a vehicle for self-improvement.  Winning or losing was irrelevant in their view of competition.  If you’ve ever played tennis or chess with a better player to improve your game, you understand this.  You want to learn from the other or push yourself harder, and you feel that you’ve won just by playing with them.

When life is viewed this way, you really can’t lose.  If you gained an insight into yourself while competing, you won.  If both people gained insights, the interaction was win-win.  The goal was about winning your True Self, and the prize was joy, unconditional love, peace, and freedom.  Material prizes were such a piddling little nothing compared to the real prizes.  The results of the game were mostly ignored.


When We Need to Lose

Often after letting go of our judgments, worries, and fears for a long time, we lose all desire to compete in the illusory world.  Some of us become anti-social or reclusive (I certainly did).  But when I really looked at my reclusive behavior and the why behind it, I realized that I didn’t want anyone to lose.  I so wanted win-win that win-lose seemed repulsive.  I didn’t realize that sometimes losing pushes us to at least change our direction, ideally losing causes us to let go of the beliefs that caused us to lose.

Today winning is often associated with willpower, being against the opponent, and hard work.  Losing is associated with failure.  That is 180 degrees from the truth.  Sadly, many win the big prizes and lose themselves.

What everyone really wants is winning without losing, joy without sadness, freedom without imprisonment, and peace without war or tolerance.  We can have those things, but we must find our True Self.  If we look at why we want to win, we can often find the answer.  Then we can work on letting go of whatever blocks the way to our True Self.  When we find our True Self, we enter the world of truth and win-win; losing is no longer possible.


Here is another article on why our True Self sometimes lets us struggle.

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The Triangle Process

The powerful and amazing triangle process

The triangle is the perfect metaphor for understanding the difference between the truth and the false illusory world.

By Cathy Eck

The Hidden Side of Pythagoras

People often tell me that the triangle process (above) is the best thing that I share, but I can’t take the credit for it.  I give it all to Pythagoras.

I discovered the triangle process a long time ago when I was studying Pythagoras.  He was much more than a mathematician.  He was initiated into many mystery schools and eventually started his own.  His understanding of numbers and geometry was far beyond their utility.  He had what I refer to as the mental perspective of life.  He saw through the eyes of the True Self.

There’s a quote attributed to Pythagoras that goes something like this:  “Find two sides of a triangle, and you can solve any problem.”  Now most people think that he was talking about solving a geometry problem, and I did too at first.  But after studying and contemplating Pythagoras for a very long time, I saw a different perspective within his wise words.  I saw the triangle process.

Pythagoras also said this:  “If there be light, then there is darkness; if cold, heat; if height, depth; if solid, fluid; if hard, soft; if rough, smooth; if calm, tempest; if prosperity, adversity; if life, death.”   He also said that we must win our soul back from good and evil.  This was the purpose of the mystery schools — to win back your True Self from the illusory world of good and evil.

Let Thine Eye Be Single

Reading quotes by Pythagoras is much like reading quotes of Jesus.  Their perspective was nearly identical; they simply expressed themselves in different ways.  Jesus said, “The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light” (Matthew 6:22).  He was talking about seeing from the perspective of unity or the top of the triangle.  This was an ancient mystery school teaching.  When one reached the top of the pyramid, it was said that they could see like gods.  This same concept is represented on the back of the American dollar bill; the Founding Fathers understood the power of the single or so-called third eye.  It was a metaphor; it wasn’t a real thing.  Of course, the occultists love to try to hijack such perfect metaphors by turning them into their symbols.

Pyramid, Eye of Horus, on the back of the dollar bill

The single eye caps the pyramid on the back of the dollar bill, also called the Eye of Horus or Eye of Providence.

The Single Eye

On any topic, we can view our situation from dual eyes or from the single eye.  Many associate the single eye with intuition; that wasn’t the original meaning.  Intuition can be dual; where true single-eyed sight is always unified, more like inspiration.

The bottom of the triangle symbolizes duality.  Originally, duality was simply for creative purposes.  You can see these black words because they are on a white page.  Neither the white page nor the black words are evil or bad.  They’re creative raw materials.  This was called first-cause duality.

Good and evil, win and lose, dominance and submission, rich and poor, pretty and ugly, etc., were all later inventions.  These dual pairs contained judgment; judgment is what causes us to lose our single-eye sight, to fall.  This was referred to as second-cause duality.  We feel incomplete when we accept only one half of duality; we end up with a magnetic relationship with the other half.

The secret of the initiates was that you had to let go of the good and the evil to rise to the top.  Otherwise, your mind stayed stuck in the illusory world.  Religions then made this stickiness into karma, the fall, reincarnation, purgatory, or hell, which were all poor explanations for why holding a belief in good and evil made your life miserable.

If we let go of our duality-based point of view at the bottom of the triangle, we float to the top naturally.  But we have to let go of the good and the evil side, the right and the wrong side.  Then we look through the single eye at the top of the triangle, and we see the true world.

After letting go, we might view the world as beautiful; before we saw a world where things were either pretty or ugly.  After letting go, we hold a perspective of unconditional love; before, we saw conditional love or hate.  We can live in abundance or waver between rich and poor.  We can relate to each other in a win-win manner or in win-lose ways.

What lives at the top of the triangle has no opposite.   Our True Self has that point of view.  When we drop our false perspective, the True Self is what remains.

Third eye on statue

The third eye was said to live between the eyebrows at the top of an eye triangle.  Again it was a metaphor for the single eye.

Projection from the Bottom

Fear is the fuel that keeps the bottom of the triangle (the illusion) alive.  When we withhold the fuel, the fire of the illusion dies out.

We know we’re at the top of the triangle when our sight is pure, and we no longer create opponents to battle or needy people to save.  We have to recognize that the ideas at the bottom of the triangle were created by man’s false mind.  They’re not the truth.  The truth has no opposition.

That which is dual and divided with judgment is simply false; and false has no power except that which we  give it.  When we recognize that beliefs are false within our own mind, they begin to lose power.  When we absolutely know they are false (as Jesus and Pythagoras did), they disappear from our vision.  Our eye becomes single.

Click here to for a similar article on the tree of life versus the tree of good and evil.

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