Eliminating Right and Wrong Through Win-Win

Jesus and food

By Cathy Eck

 

Win-Win Thinking Instead of Right and Wrong

Win-win thinking isn’t easy to apply.  Most humans believe that if everyone thought like them, the world would be perfect.  Win-win thinking is about letting go of our beliefs, even if we aren’t really wrong by appearances, social protocol, or religious standards.  It’s about resisting the temptation to force others to accept or support our perspective of right and wrong.  When we force others to think like us, even if we speak the truth, we get a false self connection with them.  When we let go, we move into a True Self connection; that’s what we really want with everyone.  A True Self connection is our natural state of unity; a false self connection is possession.

A few days ago, I was out taking a walk.  Two of my housemates apparently got into a discussion while I was gone over the right and wrong of drinking wine.  Both of them are Evangelical Christians so you wouldn’t expect them to disagree.  The woman said that drinking is wrong because her pastor says so; Jesus drank only grape juice.  The man said that Jesus drank wine and even made water into wine.  The woman then countered that if Jesus made it, it was special wine, not like the wine we buy at the store.  By the time I returned, they were no longer fighting.  I didn’t know anything about the disagreement.

Soon I learned what transpired while I was gone because each side made comments that showed the argument was still bothering them. My perspective wasn’t even within the scope of the argument so I didn’t get involved.  However, comments about the argument kept arising in conversation; I realized that it was time for me to step back and look at the situation from win-win.  There was clearly something for me to learn.  I couldn’t just ignore the argument even if I wasn’t a participant; I had to make sure my mind was clear of right and wrong.  In that way, I could be a clear influence that might help them resolve their conflict more easily.

 

Grape Juice Argument

The grape juice argument is clearly win-lose.  She was saying that if you drink wine, you’re a sinner.  She was wielding her superiority position over the other by saying she was the right one; and he was wrong.  Naturally, this didn’t bring out the best in her opponent.

This was a familiar situation for me.  I’d often been viewed as wrong by others who had strong beliefs.  Their rightness depended on my wrongness.  They wanted me to submit to their point of view and admit they’re rightness.  I could see that people with beliefs assume you are opposing them if you just don’t share their belief.

 

Wine Argument

The man who voted for drinking wine had the natural win-win position.  The woman could choose juice and not be wrong in his perspective.  However, I learned later that he was trying to coax the woman to have a glass of wine.  So he compromised his naturally more expansive and win-win position by trying to get her to let go of her position and join him.

I’d been here too — often with loved ones.  I’d try to push them to let go, and I got caught in their illusionary battle over right and wrong.  Now there were two drowning minds in the sea of limitation.  I remembered that win-win means allowing the other to have their beliefs and suffer the consequences of them.

 

Expansion is the Goal

The goal of initiation was to let go of all beliefs.  Initiates didn’t care if others had beliefs because they didn’t believe anything that wasn’t true.  They didn’t accept limitation or the notion of right and wrong.  They suggested letting go, but never forced others to do so.

When people have a strong belief, they go looking for support.  They often want to force the other to support their point of view.  If we want support for the truth, we are holding truth as a belief.  When we downgrade the truth to a belief, it has no power.  We stop feeling the need for support.  

 

Eliminating Right and Wrong

When we get down to the basics, people have a right to do whatever they want to themselves.  Neither the man or the woman’s beliefs were harmful for the other if they each followed their own beliefs.  In a world where beliefs still exist, this is often the best possible outcome.

Ideally, if the people with the most limiting beliefs always let go and joined the more expansive perspective, we’d soon find ourselves all living in paradise. But not everyone wants to let go at this time.  So we must let go of our belief that other people’s beliefs can harm us or limit our life experience.  We tend to fear people with stronger or more limiting beliefs because we’ve all had people impose their beliefs on us in the past.  We’ve felt our world get smaller when others forced their beliefs on us.

If we recognize the beliefs of others as false, they won’t affect our life.  We don’t have to accept the beliefs of even one other; and we can let go of those we’ve already accepted.  Eventually, those with the least beliefs will lead the best lives.  When that happens, we won’t have to encourage anyone to let go.  They will see the obvious benefit and motivate themselves.

Bottom line…my housemate’s argument was absurd.  The very person they fought over said, “Listen and understand! It is not what goes into your mouth that makes you ritually unclean; rather, what comes out of it makes you unclean.”  Jesus didn’t care what people drank.  He cared what people said or believed.

Sadly, my housemates’ disagreement created separation; in truth, they were two friends who loved each other enough to expose beliefs that kept each of them from freedom.  They just don’t realize that yet.

 

The Art of Being Ordinary

Ordinary or Extraordinary?

By Cathy Eck

SCORPIO: What if you had the power to enchant and even bewitch people with your charisma? Would you wield your allure without mercy? Would you feel wicked delight in their attraction to you,even if you didn’t plan to give them what they want? I suspect these questions aren’t entirely rhetorical right now. You may have more mojo at your disposal than you realize. Speaking for your conscience, I will ask you not to desecrate your privilege. If you must manipulate people, do it for their benefit as well as yours. Use your raw magic responsibly. Halloween costume suggestion: a mesmerizing guru; an irresistible diva; a stage magician.  (Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology:  http://FreeWillAstrology.com)

 

Astrology

Each year, in celebration of my Scorpio birthday, I save a copy of Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology column.  I’m not fond of traditional astrology.  What spews from the mouth of most astrologers is a great description of our prison cell within the illusion disguised as the truth.  Many astrologers use their masculine position to keep people in their cells fearing retrograde planets and scary transits if they escape.

Our natural desire to be good provides incentive to will our way to the positive side of each sign, planet, and house while avoiding, and therefore projecting, the shadow side on to the world.  Rob presents both sides of the illusion and cracks open the gate to allow us to see our way out.  He’s an initiate at heart; it comes through in his unusual view of astrology.

My birthday horoscope brought me back to a time when I was faced with a difficult life choice.  During my business years, I had quite the reputation.  I was an expert — a valued authority.  People treated me with respect and admiration.  It was actually hard not to think highly of myself.  Nearly everyday, I received glowing compliments from people in high places.  I could pick up the phone and make things happen.

One day, while sitting in my office, I looked at a sign pasted on my computer.  “Be anything; just don’t be ordinary.”  It was one of those quotes you pick up from inspirational speakers and hear when you attend pump-you-up business conventions.  I’d read that quote a million times, but this time I had a moment of sanity.  I thought “What’s wrong with being ordinary?  Why do I fear it so?”  I realized that ordinary was like a demon that stood behind me constantly trying to pull me down.  Saying my magic affirmation was what kept that demon behind me.

 

The Choice

During my time in business, I came to know the ins and outs of the illusion.  I knew that with force of will, I could reign like a king over others.  I could win at the illusion game.  But I realized that little demon would always be there looking for an opening.

What if this strange pull to ordinary wasn’t really a demon?  Forcing my will never brought me the peace or freedom I truly desired.  Oh, I’d leave trails of losers along the way — the Scorpio in me thought that was a divine idea.  But I didn’t want to live from win-lose anymore.

I decided that I would choose ordinary and strip the power from this seeming demon. I’d no longer avoid ordinary; I’d dive in.  At first, I changed my business approach to win-win.  Eventually, I sold my business and dropped all my prestigious labels.  It was then that I came to realize why ordinary isn’t a happy state.

Ordinary (in the illusion) means assuming a feminine role to win-lose powermongers who need losers to win.  Ordinary means suppressing our God-given value and talents so that others can live an inflated life where their talents or knowledge are perceived as extraordinary.  In the illusion, ordinary people are valued for their ability to obediently worship the elite and to suffer with a smile.

 

Truth

In truth, being ordinary means being our True Self — as we’re designed.  The illusory extraordinary is actually a charismatic mask of power that keeps unconscious people spellbound in false beliefs.  While that mask appears to be more powerful than our True Self, it isn’t.

The notions of better or worse, superior or inferior, or extraordinary and ordinary aren’t real.  Only in the illusion are some talents valued more than others, are experts with knowledge considered greater than non-experts with wisdom, and are those with pedigrees naturally extraordinary.

After I made the tough decision to no longer use my ability to play an OSCAR-worthy guru, wizard, or magician, I felt a great loss.  I missed the accolades and the money.  I missed having people listen to me and trust me.

When I wielded my allure, bewitched people with my charm, and gave them knowledge which served the illusion, they adored me.  Now that I dropped the facade, spoke the truth, and wanted only win-win experiences, those same people found me odd, wrong, and even evil at times.

The illusion also made me outer directed.  The art of being ordinary demanded inner direction.  I had to let go of all the rewards of the illusion, including my false power and value.  That’s why Jesus said the rich won’t get to heaven.  Heaven is freedom, our True Self; but when we’re winning in the illusion, it’s hard to leave.

As Rob suggests, if I must manipulate, I should do it for the other’s benefit.  I do use what looks like Scorpio power to convince people to let go, to be themselves, and to choose love over judgment or hate.  I use it to push the seeming extraordinary off their pedestals and to provide some wings for the seeming ordinary until they can fly on their own.  I could still dip into the illusion and produce some raw magic, mojo, or charisma at will; but why would I when being ordinary means being my True nature, and being my True Self means being free.

Illusion Confusion: Eliminating Judgment

Judgment and Illusion Confusion

By Cathy Eck

 

Judgment

Last week, I wrote about my sadness that people are often considered to be badly created or badly raised.  As I mentioned, I don’t think it’s that uncommon for people to think of others in that way.  However, in America, we wouldn’t dare say what we’re thinking.  We’d cover it up with a nice mask.  Americans are excellent, silent projectors of judgment.  This is an update on those earlier stories and a testimony to how things can change when you let go.

I’d often felt others judge me as badly created or badly raised only because I was different.  I didn’t share their beliefs or see through the same lens.  So I went back to many of those times, brought up the emotions that I repressed because I didn’t know how to let go at the time, and witnessed the emotions realizing that the person’s judgment (belief) wasn’t the truth.  They weren’t really judging me; they were judging their own projection.  But when I didn’t know that, I stored the painful memory in my body.  I did that process until I couldn’t think of anymore examples.  I just felt peace and love.  Then I completely forgot about it.  Until a few days later…

 

Illusion Confusion

I went to a festival in the center city here in Cuenca (above photo).  Lots of people were dancing in the streets to very good live music.  A man came up to me and held out his hand.  He was an older Ecuadorian man — dirty and very drunk.  At first I thought he wanted money, but his hand was turned with the palm down.  I knew enough Spanish to realize he wasn’t talking about money.  He wanted to dance.  I politely said “No,” but he wouldn’t leave me alone.  I realized that I didn’t say “No” with enough force.  American politeness is often too soft here.  So I said, “No, gracias!” (No, thank you) in a slightly louder voice; but still he tried to convince me to dance with him.

Just then a young man, who was leaning on a nearby fence, walked over and very gently held the man by the elbow and explained to him kindly that I didn’t want to dance.  He walked him away from me and then went back to his place on the fence.  There was no force, no anger — just caring and kindness.  My mind flashed to earlier images in my life of bouncers beating up drunk men or policemen pushing and yelling at people as they demonstrated their authority.

I realized that the young man didn’t see the old drunk man as badly created or badly raised; he saw him as confused.  That was how he spoke to him — like he was teaching him rather than punishing him.  He saw him as not knowing the proper way to relate to someone outside of his own culture.  I walked over to the young man and said, “Muchas gracias,” (Thank you very much) and smiled.  He smiled back and nodded.

 

No Judgment, No Force

I still can’t think about that interaction without getting tears in my eyes.  I realized that the reason we use authority and force to handle things is because of judgment.  Authorities see themselves as right and superior; the offender is obviously wrong and inferior.  When judgment isn’t present, no force is needed.  It’s all so simple.

Judgment will always be present, even if unstated, if we believe that other humans can be badly raised or badly created.  Thus, if we believe in the notion of original sin or believe that humans fell from grace, then we can’t help but have judgment for others.

I realized how lucky I was not to have those beliefs installed in my mind as a child.  Before I married, I didn’t know what judgment was.  It was a word that I couldn’t comprehend.   Occasionally, I attended Catholic church with my husband and his family.  I realized that my mind started to judge others at that time.  I didn’t like it, and I wondered where the thoughts were coming from.  I felt it was from the church because I noticed that people seemed very judgmental after they attended mass.  But I kept dismissing my observation because it seemed ridiculous that our mind would become more confused, negative, and hateful after attending what was supposed to be something good and spiritual.

Religions all evolved from the idea that humans are flawed and need spiritual training.  The notion of initiation, on the other hand, is based on the idea that we are good and spiritual by nature.  That goodness can’t be destroyed; it can only be covered with beliefs, creating confusion.  Even the worst human isn’t evil in the initiate’s eyes; they just have a thicker layer of illusion covering their True Self.

This isn’t only a lesson in how to treat others.  It’s a lesson in how to treat ourselves.  If we view ourselves as flawed and needing fixing, we’ll hold on to beliefs in problems, suffering, and punishment.  We’ll try to use our will to jump over limiting beliefs.  On the other hand, if we see ourselves as good and deserving of love, we’ll use our will to eliminate our beliefs.

 

Letting Go

I often have days where I want to give up trying to resurrect the old initiation teachings.  I’ll think that I can’t take one more person telling me that viewing humans as innately good and loving is ridiculous.  I can’t hear one more person describe humans as physical meat suits that are evolving nicely.

But then I witness the natural power of the initiate’s point of view in action, just as I did with that young man.  I see my own worldview change as I let go, and I know I can’t go back to looking at others as badly created or badly raised.  I can’t go back to thinking that people need fixing.  It’s just so much easier to let go and love.

 

Eliminating Roles — A Shortcut to Freedom

Masks we wear

By Cathy Eck

 

We’re All Actors

One of my greatest ah-ha moments came while listening to an interview of Forest Whitaker after his incredible performance in the “Last King of Scotland.”   Forest played the brutal Ugandan dictator, Idi Amin; and he really owned the character.  My insight came when he said that it took him three months to shed that role and get back to being himself.

Wait a minute, three months?  It took him only three months to shed Idi Amin and get back to himself?  Idi Amin had enough baggage to keep a million people busy letting go for years.

Why do people believe that letting go takes forever?  Shit, people in the east think it takes lifetimes.  They sit in the forest or a cave for decades, and they still don’t come out themselves.  If Whitaker can let go of Idi Amin in only three months, why can’t I let my roles go in three days?  After all, I’m clearly no Idi Amin.

The answer was very clear.  Forest Whitaker knows that he isn’t Idi Amin.  You and I, however, often believe that we’re the roles we play.  We often can’t tell if a belief that we carry in mind is true or false until we let it go.

Often we don’t know that a belief lives in our unconscious until a person or event exposes it.  Most people can’t tell the difference between their pleasant mask and their True Self so they don’t let go.  But we can’t let go of our True Self — letting go never causes a problem.  Freedom requires letting go of our entire false self — to return to a blank slate so we can write and direct the life script that we desire.

 

Roles that Bind Us

We’ve all believed and accepted many roles throughout life.  Roles can be fun if they’re temporary; ask any actor.  But when a role becomes permanent, it can be hell.  Roles can define us and keep us stuck.  We live as if we have a prominently displayed sign on our chest exposing our label.  People sense that label and treat us accordingly.

In addition, we’ve been trained to believe that we can’t let go of a role that another assigned to us, especially if that person was an authority.  It feels like they need to free us.

Relationships make stepping out of roles difficult because people think we’re insane when we let go of a belief that they still believe to be true.  Their reality proves them right, and people in the illusion confuse reality with truth.  They don’t realize that we’re not excluding them; and they can still believe whatever they want about their life.  No one has the right to tell another what to believe.  But relationships often form around common beliefs.  People think that we’re letting them go when we’re just letting go of a belief.

Some people expect us to show up in our mask; and if their expectation is very strong or if we are a people pleaser, it reinforces our role.

Letting go of a physical or mental diagnosis can be nearly impossible if the people in our life believe our label and treat us as having that label.  Healing is often much easier when you simply remove yourself from those who label you.

 

Living Without Roles

Imagine if you knew you were acting?  After all, you are.  If you’re being yourself, you wouldn’t play a permanent role, especially one you didn’t like.  You’d play a role and drop it when you had enough.  You’d drop it easily because you’d know you weren’t the role.

Dropping roles means dropping lots of beliefs at one time.  When we accept a label or role, we accept all the beliefs that are part of that acting engagement.   A great actor will study the character and adopt his or her state of mind.  Once the state of mind is accepted, the part flows naturally.  They appear to become the character by wearing the character’s mask.  But they drop the mask when it isn’t useful any longer.  If we’re resisting dropping our mask, it’s wise to see if it has a payoff.  If we let go of the payoff, the mask should come off more easily.

When we drop any label or role, we create a massive amount of space for our True Self to fill.  Ideally, we’d just be our Self and everything would be perfect.  But our world is in transition.  If we’re uncomfortable dropping the entire role, then we can just drop some of the beliefs that make up that role.  We can show up at mom’s, play the daughter or son role she assigns while witnessing our act and maintaining our sense of Self; then we can drop the beliefs that bothered us most.  Each time we visit, we can let go of the beliefs that arise and incorporate a little more of our True Self.  We can also let go of any belief in our mind that she can’t handle the shift and then let the cards fall where they may.

I used to feel guilty dropping roles, as if they were some sort of contract that I agreed to for life.  But they aren’t contracts; we do everyone a favor when we just be ourselves (although it might take them some time to realize that).

Too many people keep playing old outdated roles because they don’t have another way to be with people they love.  They don’t want to lose the person so they accept the role and resent every minute of it.  Conscious role playing is a temporary bridge to a new way of relating.

Letting go of labels and roles is the fast track to freedom.  It takes courage to drop roles completely.  And, as you can see by the example of Forest Whitaker, it takes knowing clearly who you are not and being willing to let that character go.

Storytelling or History: What’s the Difference?

Footprints in the Sand

By Cathy Eck

 

Storytelling Versus History

I enjoy stories very much.  I love to read them, to write them, and to watch them on the big screen.  But I don’t like history at all.  History is usually presented by the winners; it’s masculine-dominant (his story, not her story) and fact driven, not character driven.  In short, it’s food for the intellect, the false self.

The difference between storytelling and history has become blurred in people’s minds because our educational systems emphasize history over storytelling.  We can learn a lot by studying the difference between storytelling and history.

If we want to write a story, we first develop characters and maybe a plot or a story idea.  We give the characters a false-self perspective, including a back story, preferences, and beliefs.  Then we turn the characters loose and let them interact.  If the characters don’t like the results they’re getting, they’ll hopefully have a change of mind.  If the characters don’t change their mind, the story eventually becomes predictable and boring.  If the characters don’t grow, viewers will stop feeling sympathy for their troubles.

We see these things clearly on the big screen, but often ignore them in our own lives.  Suffering isn’t natural; it’s the consequence of being unwilling to expand our perspective and grow.  Suffering comes from holding on to what we no longer need.  Mental hoarding, just like physical hoarding, is destructive.

 

Life is Storytelling

We’re all living a potentially great story whether we know it or not.  Two decades ago, the Story of “The Legend spontaneously popped out of my unconscious.  That began my exploration into the nature of storytelling.  I could see that “The Legend” was like an undercurrent in my life.  Fairy tales, myths, and religious stories sit in our unconscious as causal forces in our life.  This is why religions and cultures are built on a foundation of storytelling.  We’re controlled by the stories we hold in mind as true.  If we share a common foundation of story with another, we’ll have similar beliefs and see the world through homogeneous eyes.

Modern video games take storytelling to a new level.  I used to watch my children play them, moving from level to level.  If their character screwed up, they’d say, “Oh, I died.”  They’d restart the game.  I felt as though I was watching a miniature version of life.  You either make it to the next level in your storyline, or you die.  The difference is that the gamer realizes he’s responsible for his fate.

 

His Story

History is literal.  There’s no room for individuality or interpretation.  It’s simply the reporting of facts — names, dates, and physical events.  History is always one-sided; usually the winners write history.  As we’ve become more left-brained or intellectual, we’ve forgotten the cause and effect relationship in life.  We fail to consider that every event has a belief-related cause behind it.  We accept the winner’s false-self projection that their enemy is evil and deserving of punishment.

Today, people share their personal stories in historical form.  They think they’re storytelling, but they aren’t.  Great stories allow for change; and great storytellers allow their characters to transform.  People have labeled the oldest stories mythology because they find so many versions of the old stories.  Old stories changed as the characters changed.  History put an end to that; history keeps us stuck within a false, collective mindset.

 

The Key

The true storyteller knew that he created every single character, even the evil ones.  The historian only identifies with one character — the one they label good or right.  

The historian acts as if he or she is either a hero or victim.  They’re telling the story to get sympathy, attention, or approval.  If they get such rewards, they’ll continue to tell the story to keep it alive.

Often we get stuck in another person’s story; we feel like we can’t get free.  We feel bad if we expose another as cause in their drama because we’ve been trained to feel guilty for revealing the cause of history.  We aren’t supposed to point out that the Emperor is naked.

 

Freedom

Freedom requires owning all the characters in our story and seeing that they fit together like a puzzle.  The victim and perpetrator/hero are opposites who have divided thought in the same way (see the triangle process); and the evil that the hero fights is simply his or her shadow.

The psychologist Fritz Perls popularized Gestalt therapy.  Perls studied people’s dreams.  He required them to see themselves as every character and even every essential item in the dream.  In this way, they could step back and see their whole mind; they could see themselves as cause.  When we see our whole mind, we see the mental cause of our problems.  Then we can change our mind more easily.

 

We’re All Storytelling

Many have said that we’re all storytelling.  We invent a story; then ideally we direct, produce, and star in it.  But when we don’t own our mind, we just play a walk-on part in someone else’s drama.  When we follow the false mind (which we acquired from others) over our heart (True Self), our own story remains unlived and untold.  We don’t grow or change.  Life becomes boring, and we feel without purpose.

This happens when we accept masculine and feminine roles; and we place ourselves in a feminine role to another.  Dropping roles that don’t bring us joy is key to returning to our own original story.

Screenwriters say that the audience wants an inciting incident (usually a fall of sorts) in the first ten minutes.  From the perspective of story, we plan our fall into the illusion.  You probably lived that part of your story.  But what happened after that.  Did you learn?  Did you grow?  Did you change?  Did you let go of your “evil” shadow?  Did you love?  That’s what makes a story great.  And most important, did you get that precious and rare happily ever after?

The Path of Initiation: Thinking or Doing?

nitiation is a path of least action

By Cathy Eck

 

Initiation is a Mental Path

Initiation is a thinking (mental) path, not a doing path.  This can be confusing at first.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mean that you won’t ever do anything again once you choose to move in the direction of initiation.  Initiation isn’t a path of contemplation or avoidance of activity.  The initiate simply gets his or her thinking correct before taking action.  If it appears that a decision needs to be made, they know they aren’t ready to take action.  The perfect path is always clear and obvious.

On the other hand, the illusion emphasizes doing.  We’re good if we work hard.  We’re good if we do nice things.  Religious people copy what Jesus did, without regard for how he thought.  They don’t notice that Jesus never took action without getting his thinking straight because he followed the path of initiate.

 

Doing

Let’s assume that we’re having a problem with another person.  The doing path will cause us to think that we need to say something to them.  We might think that we need to change our behavior or ask them to change theirs in order to fix the problem.  Worst case, we might manipulate or trick them into being or acting different.  We might use reverse psychology or behavior modification on them.  Any of these options amount to nothing more than fixing the effect.

Our society confuses doing with love.  People often write to me and say that their spouse doesn’t give them attention or their boss doesn’t appreciate them.  What we do is always an extension of what we’re thinking or what we believe.  If another person’s doing is an issue for us, then we must get to the cause of our discomfort (which is always in our minds).  We have to eliminate the thinking that’s causing the need or want that we believe the other should fill for us.  We want or need people to behave in a certain way when we have an emotional or spiritual void (always caused by beliefs).  We can let go of the causal belief and eliminate the void.

In masculine roles, we get angry when people reflect our unwanted or negative beliefs; we expect the people in our life to behave better than our own beliefs about them.  In initiation, we don’t break our mirrors.

 

Thinking

In initiation, we put right and truthful thinking first.  First of all, we need to know what we’re thinking about any situation.  Any thoughts that produce emotion are false even if they match our current reality.  Regardless of whether the thought that feels bad is about us, the other, or the relationship, we let it go.  The goal is to get our mind back to the truth.  This is much easier to say than to do.  Our minds are highly stuck on observing reality; we’re sure that whatever we observed or experienced was true.

For most of us, reality is simply an illusion produced by our beliefs.  We can only get to the truth, which is always positive, win-win, and good, by letting go of the unreal.  Eventually, our mind becomes peaceful and clear.  If at that point, we’re inspired to take action, it will be the right action for everyone concerned because it will come from a truthful and free mind.

Too often, we jump into action because we want things to be complete or resolved.  We just make matters worse.

 

Getting What You Need

Let’s look at another example.  We need to make some quick money.  We’re frantic that we’ll run out before money comes in.  Our knee-jerk reaction is to get a job, any job.  We take action after action only to get more and more confused and desperate.

Granted it isn’t easy to let go when we’re filled with fear, but it’s the most important time to do so.  In a situation like this, I give myself an entire day, and allow my thoughts to arise.  With each thought, I decide if that thought feels good or doesn’t feel good.  If it doesn’t feel good (has an emotional component), then I let it go.  Then I let the next thought arise.

If we can’t feel any emotions, we can create a quick mental image of a perfect work situation.  Then witness our thoughts.  If a thought arises that moves toward that vision, we keep it.  If a thought comes up that moves away from that vision, we let it go.  Remember, letting go just requires recognition that the thought is false.  Usually false thoughts feel bad unless we’ve trained ourselves to suppress our emotions.

If we do this process for an entire day, something will change.  we’ll have a much freer mind, more options, and our actions will pay greater dividends.  But it’s a rare person who can do this for more than a few minutes.  Most people will be surfing the internet or whining to their friends before long.  Others will wallow in their emotions and feel sorry for themselves.  These so-called normal activities all strengthen our problems.

 

Initiation and Payoffs

For initiation to work, we must eliminate all payoffs.  If we’re out of work, perhaps we don’t really want a job.  If we’re sick, we might be getting attention for it.  If we’re having relationship problems, we might feel superior to others when we play the martyr role.  Hidden payoffs can really get in the way of change.  We often won’t see what we need to let go until we release all the hidden payoffs.

Finally, we must be honest and ruthless with ourselves.  Avoid guilt, shame, or blame.  We don’t have to share what we let go, don’t have to make amends, and don’t even have to explain ourselves.  When we let go, the world changes.  Things take care of themselves because we’re no longer feeding the illusion.  Eventually, by letting go, all things can be made right again without anyone else doing a thing.

 

 

Honesty, Reality, and the True Self

Honesty and looking in the mirror

By Cathy Eck

 

Honesty Used Ineffectively

One of the biggest problems that arises in people who want to be themselves and free their mind is they’re usually really honest people.  Often their honesty gets them in trouble when trying to let go.  This was a mind trick that nailed my ass to the wall for a long time.

Let’s say you want to lose weight.  When you look in the mirror, you see reality.  You don’t like what you see, and your false mind honestly comments on what it sees.  Positive thinkers would say to look in the mirror and say, “I’m a skinny person,” 5000 times.  But you’re an honest person; that just doesn’t work for you.  It feels like lying.  In fact, it just makes things worse.  Since you can’t lie, and your reality is in your face, you feel hopelessly screwed by your own honesty.

The problem is that your beliefs have already created too much weight.  So how do you get behind the reality to let go of the beliefs?  What you must realize is that the beliefs you currently hold in mind in this very moment are the beliefs that got you to this point.  The good news is that as you look in the mirror, you’re probably feeling emotion.  That means that the beliefs are close to the surface of your mind.  The emotion will take you to the causal belief if you follow it.

The key is to change your mental focus from what you see to what you are thinking and feeling.  In that way, you can find the cause and let it go.

Our goal is to let go of any belief about weight that isn’t true.  If we can let go of all of the beliefs that we have about food, exercise, genetics, body type, or weight in general, then we won’t be able to create too much weight anymore.

Now I realize that I’ve picked a loaded topic.  Most of us can let go of food and exercise beliefs for a long time without running out of them.  We’ve accepted a hell of a lot of them; and if we’re honest, they all feel bad.  They can also be tricky to let go because we got most of them from experts.  But if we want freedom, we have to strip the power from the experts.  Our True Self is much wiser.

 

The Process

As we look in the mirror and see too much weight, we can feel the emotion arising.  Our honesty is dying to express itself.  If we’ve hung out in the new thought movement, we’ll want to put whipped cream on our honesty.  But don’t do it.  Whatever our mind is saying is just a belief; we don’t have to hide it or fear it because we can let it go.  This is really facing our fears.  Instead of decorating them, stuffing ourselves with some cake, turning on the television, or whining to a friend, we feel the emotion, witness the causal thoughts as they arise, and let them all go.

Let’s say that when you looked in the mirror you said, “I’m so fat.”  That comment clearly doesn’t feel good.  But you say, “That isn’t a belief.  It’s true.  I am fat.”  And therein lies the problem. Focusing on reality or labeling it solidifies the belief even more.  It makes it even harder to create change.

 

Honesty is Your Ally

Most people say, “You must deny what you see.  Cancel, cancel.”  That’s just fixing the illusion, and the illusion will come back later on.  We must remove the illusion to eliminate the problem completely.

We succeed if we turn our honesty on our mind.  This is what allows the situation to change.  Our biggest mental downfall, that perpetuates all problems, is that we’re all far too focused on reality.  We talk about reality; we warn people about reality.  But reality is caused by our beliefs.  Reality isn’t the truth.  Remember reality is our True Self, plus our beliefs.

We must stop commenting on what we SEE in the mirror; instead, we turn our ally of honesty on our mind.  Our mind says, “You look terrible.”  That comment clearly doesn’t feel good; so it isn’t true (meaning it isn’t who we really are).  Go into mind clean up mode.  Stay focused on the job at hand.  Our mind can continue to comment all it wants; but as it comments, we let go of every thought that doesn’t feel good.  In this way, we’ve begun the process of clearing our mind of all the beliefs that caused the excess weight.

As the beliefs go, we might spontaneously choose different food, find ourself taking up a sport, or just losing the weight without any action at all.  Our True Self will inspire us if any action is necessary for us.

 

The Goal of Life

The goal of life is not to prove reality right.  Anyone can do that.  The goal of life is to return to our True Self.  To do that, we must let reality know that we know it’s false.

This is the hardest switch for people to make in freeing their minds.  Almost no one does it.  It’s especially difficult when it comes to our body, our finances, or world events.  It drives us insane in relationships where we let go, and the other person keeps reminding us of reality.  But that’s why initiation isn’t for wimps.

Our false self thinks that we have to fix reality.  But reality is an illusion.  It makes no sense to fix a false illusion.  Eventually, one incredibly wonderful day, we no longer hold any beliefs in our mind.  Then reality and the truth are the same thing.

So be honest about what you are thinking, not what you see.  Be hard core in forcing your mind to drop whatever thoughts contain emotion.  Then you can turn anything around.

photo credit: jesuscm [2 weeks off] via photopin cc