Letting Go Isn’t Therapy or Self-Help

Phoenix Rising out of ashes

By Cathy Eck


Letting go is natural.  But we’ve been trained to use our minds in a very unnatural way to keep the illusion alive.  It all began with the all-pervasive psychological reversal, the belief that a thought is true if it generates emotions.  It caused us to believe in emotionally heavy problems, injustice, war, suffering, and disease.  Once we believe these things exist, we see them.  Without that psychological reversal, all unwanted things would disappear.  Instead of healing the psychological reversal, we try to prevent our fears from manifesting, try to make peace with what we’ve already manifested, and try to release all the emotions we’ve generated.


Therapy and Self-Help

In therapy, people talk about their problems.  They go back to their past to understand what happened or to discover why they feel like they do.  They justify their emotions or train themselves to no longer feel them.  Therapy rarely invokes letting go.

During my early research days, I often turned on the Dr. Phil show in the afternoons for a break.  I thought it would support my efforts.  It didn’t.  It created unrelenting emotions within me.  Dr. Phil projects his moral, religious viewpoint into the world — right and wrong, good and evil.  He fixes his massive projections on the show.  He sees a reward-and-punishment world.  He believes the past creates the future.  As I moved toward my True Self, my body signaled the error in his divided point of view.  I came to realize that Dr. Phil only felt emotion when he was bad according to the Christian definition of good and bad; I felt emotion around both sides of the bottom of the triangle.

In self-help, people put ice-cream on their manure.  They get their anger out, or they make peace with their shadow.  If you let go, you no longer have anger or a shadow.  You don’t need the ice cream.  In self-help, people try to drop their ego, but they don’t even know what their ego is.  Most are trying to drop their True Self.  Trying to fix ourselves hasn’t worked because we aren’t broken.

I can explain anything that happened to anyone in five words:  “THEY FELL INTO THE ILLUSION.”  Nothing can happen to any of us without first accepting an illusory belief or putting a false self above us as our authority.

Therapy and self-help rarely find the causal belief because they’re focused on causal incidents.  They falsely assume that our emotions come from actions, events, and trauma.  They don’t realize that our emotions come from our own beliefs or believing another’s thoughts; we start accepting beliefs in our mother’s womb.  It looks like we’re born with original sin.  We might get the fallen illusory viewpoint early in life, but it isn’t who we truly are.  I suspect that’s why babies come out screaming.

When we’re truly free of a past belief, we recognize how we perpetuated it.  Every time the belief entered our conscious mind, we felt emotion.  We believed that the nervous agitation meant the thought/belief was true.  So we ran from it.  We didn’t turn and face it and say, “You are not true.”  Humans might face fears on the outside by doing dangerous activities or telling their wife they had an affair; but they rarely face their fears on the inside where it truly matters.

Therapy creates comfort in the illusion.  When the illusion’s drama gets too hot, therapy cools things down.  Self-help helps us win.  When we feel defeated, self-help beefs up our will.  Occasionally, therapy or self-help cause someone to let go; but it’s usually an accident.



To create drama, we think false thoughts.  When those thoughts manifest, we blame others.  We avoid responsibility for our minds and creations.  We keep our focus outward.  We even expect others to fix our emotions.

Mom feels lonely; she wants us to visit.  She thinks she has no purpose; she’s not loved.  She’s memorializing the past.  She’s repeatedly thinking false thoughts that generate emotion.  If she let them go, she wouldn’t need us to fix them.  The people in our life don’t realize that their emotions are caused by their own thinking.  When we let go, we find out how codependent we really were.  We find out why we weren’t living our life.


The Dreaded Plateau

Therapy and self-help are attractive because they don’t discriminate between true and false.  People often plateau in initiation because they want to keep someone else on the hook, they don’t want to let go of their projections, or there’s a part of the illusion they like.  They want the criminal punished.  They’re sure their child is lazy.  They don’t want to let go of competition because they think it makes sports fun.  They love Christmas and look forward to the excitement of the holidays.  They want the money their traditional medicine career provides.  They love going to self-help workshops.  They fear losing their hot boyfriend.  All of their friends are Christian.  Therapy and self-help don’t put such things at risk, but letting go does.  Or so we think…

We don’t have to give up anything outer by letting go.  We’re just letting go of false perspectives.  We stop wanting justice for illusory errors.  We drop competing, not sports.  We buy gifts and decorate our house with lights anytime.  We become a healer who drops labels instead of creating them.  We go to creative workshops instead of self-help.  We realize that if hot boyfriend doesn’t like our True Self, he’s wrong for us.  We see goodness in all people, not just our fellow church members.

Our false mind says that we’ll lose something we think we need or love by letting go, but it’s lying.  We can’t screw up by letting go.  We can’t lose.  Losing things that weren’t right for us is winning.  If something is truly ours, we can’t lose it.  And in my experience, if it wasn’t really mine, I didn’t miss it — not even a little.  Freedom was infinitely better.

Eliminating Our Inner Opponent

Our opponent appears to be outside of us, but it is within.

Our opponents appear to be outside of us but they’re actually projections of our own minds.

By Cathy Eck


Creating Our Opponent

The ancient masters taught that any opponent is always our own mental projection.  If we realized that we only fight our own false self’s projections, we’d stop fighting.  We’d laugh at our own stupidity.  But our projections look so damn real, and we keep finding people to play opponent roles; so it is understandable that no one sees through the illusion.

As humans became civilized, we began to see ourselves in different roles creating an illusion of separation.  Suddenly we focused more on our differences than our unity.  God became male and moved from inside of us to outside of us; then he started barking orders.

Seeing humans as separate entities had its benefits.  We could now compete against each other based on skill.  We could focus on a specific role and perfect it.  We could offer different perspectives and pretend to discover things about each other.  We could entertain each other.

But, the experiment went too far.  We didn’t just use separation for fun and creation; we used to create a feared or hated opponent.  We created opposition (good and evil), which became the main course in our illusory dinner of life.  God even got an opponent, Satan.


Our Illusory Opponent

The ancient masters explained that our True Self is singular and unified.  Likewise, the True God has no opponent.  But that united God is not the one that people worship.  They worship the false God that is projected from their own mind because they fear that God.  The True God doesn’t need worshipping; s/he gives without demanding something in return.

We can understand the mind of any person by understanding their view of God.  Some see God as jealous.  Others see him as judgmental, punishing, or angry.  Some see him as supportive but having the potential to become unsupportive if they disobey.  Some see God as supporting them and hating others creating false elevation and success.  You might notice that all of these God views are very human-like.  We’d expect a divine God to be a bit more mature if we thought about it and didn’t just blindly listen to what others taught us.

The goal of initiation was to transform our notion of God.  When initiation was complete, God was back inside of our mind and heart as our all loving True Self with no opponent.  Our world then reflected that love by showing us peace, freedom, and joy.

Our projected God is usually much like our dominant parent, often our father.  My father was critical; so I believed that God criticized everything I did.  The opponent to that God gave false praise.  My Satan sounded nice, but the compliments didn’t mean anything and often took me down the wrong path if I listened to them.

Wars, bullying, and domestic conflicts are caused by people fighting their own projected opponent.  Terrorists are the projection of inner terrorists.  September 11th was the projection of George W., and it makes sense because he is an Evangelical Christian fighting good and evil.  He thought he was the good guy; so his mind invented an opponent.  Conspiracy theorists often recognize projection, but then they make it literal and true creating a bigger mess.  They think the person is doing it on purpose; however, people really believe their opponent is real and dangerous.  They even see themselves as having noble or righteous intentions when they warn us of their own projection.


Half Truths

False minds are filled with half-truths, and half-truths are false.  Half truths aren’t problematic unless we judge them as right and wrong or good and evil.  Once we split truth into parts, we identify with one part of the split.  The other half (or other parts) are said to live in our subconscious, but that is false.  The other parts are actually completely conscious, and they shows up in our opponent or opponents.

People presume that their other half is a soul mate, the love of their life.  Our other half is actually our greatest enemy because it is the false self that is split; our True Self sees everyone as a soul mate.  The more emotional chemistry we have with someone, the more likely they are our false self’s other half.  We often marry them or go to work for them, which forces us to deal with our inner opponent.


Eliminating Our Inner Opponent

Let’s say you have a boss who criticizes you.  The way to eliminate this person from your life is to discover the belief within you that allows him or her to exist in your world.  That belief is resting in your mind, and you know when you’ve found it because thinking it triggers emotion (presuming you aren’t psychologically reversed).  We must remember that beliefs that have emotion attached to them are false, not true.  What we call emotion is actually the feeling of truth splitting into parts called beliefs (like a zipper being unzipped).

The beliefs (split truths) we hold in mind come from all of the false voices in our minds, which are the minions of our false God.  We recreate our parents, teachers, clergy, and  other authority figures in different bodies over the course of our life unless we eliminate our beliefs.

To eliminate our inner opponent, the ancients said that we must examine our own mind and let go of each false belief like we are cutting through a mountain creating a tunnel to the other side.  Eventually, we break through, but while we are cutting away we have no idea how close or far away we are from the destination.  We don’t see the light until we are done.


I also discuss the shadow in The Good Shadow of Bad Pirates. 



Standing Up For Your True Self

The north star is your true Self.

By Cathy Eck


More Level Confusion

A topic came up in a recent mentoring session, and it is a real goldmine.  Understanding how to stand up for your True Self can take years off your journey. Before I unraveled this confusion in myself, I felt as if I were living in hell.  It is yet another tricky form of level confusion.


The True Self

Your True Self is the part of you that is true, unchangeable, and eternal.  It has no opposite.  When you are being your True Self, life flows; you feel on purpose and invincible.  If you’ve not been in this place for a long time because you’ve been on sabatical in the illusion, it shows up as a longing.  Some common words that describe this state are freedom (my favorite), peace, beauty, unconditional love, truth, wisdom, creativity, joy, and infinity.

Your True Self is not about what you do.  It is the part of us that must lead the way.  When I’m free, anything I do is joyful.  When my True Self isn’t leading the way, whatever I do is hard work.  Life from the True Self perspective is inspired.  There are no decisions, no shoulds, no practices, no techniques or tools necessary to get you going or make life work.

In the words of Lady Gaga, “You were born this way.”  This is your NORTH STAR.  If you look in the sky, the north star is constant, fixed.  It doesn’t move.  To the ancient stargazers, it was immortal because it didn’t come and go (birth and death) like the other characters in the sky.


The Illusion

The illusion is a world of opposites, and most of us are born to people who are already card carrying members of the illusion.  They are firmly entrenched in the false self.  They long for their True Self, but they view that longing as impossible to achieve;  if religious, they believe they’ll see their True Self when they die in heaven.

Your bouncing new True Self looks beautiful to them at birth when you are helpless and submissive, but as it starts to rub against their illusion, it slowly looks like something to be fixed.  So they start to teach you to fit in their perspective.  Some people adjust pretty well; others never adjust.

Those who adjust and even come to like the illusion (often because they believe they are winning) don’t want out.  Others see it as wrong to leave the illusion, like it is cheating at life.  Some feel that a good life on earth means hell after death.  Those are all lies that can be let go.

In the illusion, people follow dreams and desires too.  But those false desires have opposites.  For example, a young child loves getting attention; they become an actor.  Their desire is attention, and they get it.  But they can’t turn it off when they go to the grocery store.  They hate the paparazzi.  They miss having a peaceful life, the True Self.  Our True desires have no opposite, no downside.

False self desires are usually about fixing an insecurity or lack.  People desire money because they believe in lack.  They desire approval because they feel insignicant, bad or unworthy.  If you fix the cause, false desires disappear.


Standing Up For Your North Star

Once you know your True Self (North Star), you must stand up for it until you escape the illusion.  During that time, all the events and metaphorical personalities that convinced you that your True Self was impractical, out-of-this-world, problematic, bad, wrong, or just plain selfish will come out of hiding to pull you back.  You must face this personal apocalypse as you stand up for your True Self.

Most people use false self techniques and go to battle, but they never win.  They just wear out and die.  You stand up for your True Self by letting go of anything that another says or does that doesn’t feel good.  The others are only playing a role assigned by your false self so it can stay in power.  They are showing you the beliefs you still have in your mind that are blocking your True Self.  In truth, they are doing you a favor.

Here is where many people get caught.  You commit to total freedom, and suddenly your mother becomes a Christian Fundamentalist.  She wants you to get saved. Getting saved soothed her fear of hell, but it feels horrible to you.  That is all the proof you need that she acted from a false self belief.  But you say no, and she lays on the guilt.  Now you are confused.  You don’t want to hurt or disrespect your mother, but you don’t want to join her religion.  It may even appear that denying her request is imposing your beliefs on her.

Saying no upsets her because it exposes her belief in hell.  She soothed her belief with another belief; but now that you won’t honor her soothing belief, the causal belief is raw and in her face.  Some part of her knows that she hasn’t really fixed the problem, but she doesn’t know how to let go.  She wants to blame you for her emotions.  If you take the blame, you drown with her.  When two people are drowning, no one gets saved.  You must stand up for your True Self and allow her to join you or not.

You must recognize that hell is not true; it doesn’t feel good.  If you believe her or obey her, you’ll both lose.  If she lets go of her causal belief in hell, she’ll also be free.  The key is to notice which person offers the true win-win.  Fixing emotions is never a win.  Her religion adds beliefs to your mind; your freedom frees her mind.  Win-win is the perfect bridge to the True Self.  It is the key to standing up for our True Self.


All roads lead to the notion of good and evil, read more here.


The Flip Side of Winning Isn’t Losing

Charlie Sheen and Winning

As kids we’re not taught how to deal with success; we’re taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?               Charlie Sheen

By Cathy Eck


What is the Real Flip Side of Winning?

Charlie Sheen had a point even if he did take things to the extreme.  Humans are conditioned to believe that winning is everything and losing is a reason to try, try again or try harder.  We don’t want to be labeled a loser, but we are never a loser unless we lose sight of the real prize.

We often focus our eyes on a shallow or material prize that usually has a very important hidden meaning.  It is that hidden desire or fear that shows us where we need some mental healing.

Maybe we think that winning will cause us to be someone special or deserve greater things in life.  Winning might bring us money so we don’t have to struggle anymore.   Winning might open the door so we can express our talent or gift.  You see it isn’t the win we want, we want what appears to be missing underneath.  The irony is that we aren’t ever missing anything; what we want has simply been covered up by a belief — a belief that someone else gave us and isn’t even true.

It is actually our losses that expose our beliefs most often.  When we understand that, our loses can become even greater wins.


What is Rightfully Mine?

The big question that we are all really asking is:  What is rightfully mine?  Often we want something because it made someone else happy.  Our parents and friends push us into their perspective of happiness and convince us to follow a proper career or marry a proper partner.  But following what others feel is right for us, takes us down their path.  We may end up getting what is right for them and sadly have to bear the enormous pain of watching another get what is right for us.

It isn’t selfless to give up what is rightfully ours.  People who give up their desires can’t support others who do choose to follow their heart.  People who abandon their desires become jealous of other people’s success even if the person deserves it.  They lay guilt on those who succeed.  Often we believe them and start to question our motivation or desires until we are company for their misery.

Sometimes people think they want what we have.  To feel good, they have to mentally prove we don’t deserve our success.  Other times, they make our desire wrong saying it isn’t the right desire.  Maybe it isn’t right for them; but more often, they just don’t think they can achieve it.  

Life as an Individual Sport

When I can’t make sense of life in the present, I look to the schools of initiation to see what they thought about a particular subject.  They didn’t have rules or laws or even practices; they had a perspective that was very different from our perspective.  They saw life as an individual sport.  Competition, from their point of view, caused people to lose themselves.  Competition and games were part of the illusory world where pain, suffering, and problems existed.  Competition caused you to focus on the opponent instead of focusing on your True Self.

Just look at the US 2012 Presidential Election.  Each candidate is more focused on what the other plans to do, has done in the past (right or wrong), or whether they are telling the truth.  They are both losers because neither is focused on their own integrity, their own commitment, and their own love for the people of America.  Sadly, neither of them are Presidential material from ancient standards.

The initiates saw competing as a vehicle for self-improvement.  Winning or losing was irrelevant in their view of competition.  If you’ve ever played tennis or chess with a better player to improve your game, you understand this.  You want to learn from the other or push yourself harder, and you feel that you’ve won just by playing with them.

When life is viewed this way, you really can’t lose.  If you gained an insight into yourself while competing, you won.  If both people gained insights, the interaction was win-win.  The goal was about winning your True Self, and the prize was joy, unconditional love, peace, and freedom.  Material prizes were such a piddling little nothing compared to the real prizes.  The results of the game were mostly ignored.


When We Need to Lose

Often after letting go of our judgments, worries, and fears for a long time, we lose all desire to compete in the illusory world.  Some of us become anti-social or reclusive (I certainly did).  But when I really looked at my reclusive behavior and the why behind it, I realized that I didn’t want anyone to lose.  I so wanted win-win that win-lose seemed repulsive.  I didn’t realize that sometimes losing pushes us to at least change our direction, ideally losing causes us to let go of the beliefs that caused us to lose.

Today winning is often associated with willpower, being against the opponent, and hard work.  Losing is associated with failure.  That is 180 degrees from the truth.  Sadly, many win the big prizes and lose themselves.

What everyone really wants is winning without losing, joy without sadness, freedom without imprisonment, and peace without war or tolerance.  We can have those things, but we must find our True Self.  If we look at why we want to win, we can often find the answer.  Then we can work on letting go of whatever blocks the way to our True Self.  When we find our True Self, we enter the world of truth and win-win; losing is no longer possible.


Here is another article on why our True Self sometimes lets us struggle.

photo credit: 4rilla via photopin cc