No Longer a Victim: Escaping Victimhood Forever (Part IV)

We aren't victims

By Cathy Eck


Here are a few more tips on escaping the role of victim forever.  You might want to read Part I, Part II, and Part III first.

No one is a victim of another — that’s the illusion.  We’re all victims of the illusion, until we escape.  

Remember that any benefits you get from living a victim role are so small compared to what you’ll receive from freedom.  The escape isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it.


Judgment Vs. Discrimination

A victim confuses judgment and discrimination.  (I’ve written about that here).  We must get to the place where our feminine side doesn’t believe others that judge us because their words feel bad — so they aren’t true.  We also have to get to the place where we stop judging others (masculine side).  We must realize that if we have an untrue belief about another, we’re generating emotions in our body and feeding our false self.

Even Hitler had a pure True Self; unconditional love means that we let go of what we see in him so we can remember who he really is.  What you then realize is that when you only see unconditional love in another, they can’t hurt you.  But you can’t fake it until you make it.  You must get to the place of unconditional love by honest letting go, not mental gymnastics.



The victim has been trained to be sympathetic rather than compassionate (more here).  Sympathy causes us to take on the unwanted beliefs of others when we choose to entrain with their emotions.  The victim is emotional because they hold beliefs in mind instead of truth.  When we entrain with their emotions, we get their beliefs in our mind as a bonus.  We’re told sympathy is good by the illusion because it perpetuates our false selves.  Once we’ve sympathized with others, and destroyed our life, we expect others to join us in misery.  But someone has to say “NO MORE.”  We have to move to compassion.

Compassion has the balls to say, “Let go. The Emperor is naked.”  Compassion tells the truth fearlessly.  Compassion helps everyone.  Sympathy helps NO ONE.


A Victim Looks for Reasons, Not Causes

If I had a dime for every time I heard reasons why someone was a victim… oh Lordy I’d be a rich woman. Victims have minds that make up reasons, and they believe their own ridiculous reasons.  This is how we get pissed off fairies, evil aliens, judgmental Gods, Satan, curses, rituals to fix the curses, evil illuminati, and much more.  The victim is never the cause.  The reason is always someone or something else.  The reasoning enables them to project their emotional pain outside of them, and projection keeps people very stuck.  Most people are victims of their own projections.  If we look inward and find the real cause, the projected evil reasons disappear.

Victims often ask questions like, “Why did this happen to me?”  Their mind answers and gives them utter bullshit, and that utter bullshit has strong emotions attached to it.  They’ve already been psychologically reversed to believe that something that feels bad is true, so they believe their own lying mind.  They even think it’s God talking or some spirit guide or dead avatar.  The mind is like a tape recorder.  It simply repeats what was recorded earlier in their mind, in other’s minds, or the collective mind.

The True Self’s advice is always perfect for us.  We get to the True Self advice by letting go of the false advice until we get the perfect answer that feels calm, clear, and right.  It’s win-win for everyone.


The Victim Thinks Success Is Ego

When people are successful at something, it’s because they don’t have an ego, not because they do.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Often they succeed with their True Self, and then the false self takes the credit in time.  But ego or false self is what keeps us from fulfilling or dropping our desires.  Thus religion and new age are filled with EGO while telling us they’re getting rid of it.  You can’t fix the false self, you can only let it go.  Most teachers today are either projecting their false self on their followers or floating above it.  They are clone minds, not True Selves.

When we’ve been judged for our success, we often start to resist the fulfillment of desires.  I made this mistake for years.  Not achieving desires felt better than the judgment I got for succeeding from my religious family and friends.  We must learn that what someone says in judgment feels bad because it’s false.  I eventually realized (after much letting go work) that they were just showing me their false self.

The entire Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is the Ego or false self — not just the evil part.  THIS IS KEY! Knowledge is getting truth or lies from the outside instead of from within us.  We learn good and evil from other people (authorities).  When we listen to anyone who says something that doesn’t harmonize with our True Self, we’re stuck in false self, eating from the wrong fucking tree.



“The meek shall inherit the earth” doesn’t mean the poor will get God’s blessing.  I was terrified of this belief when I was stuck in the illusion.  Now it’s very clear.  It means when you let go of the competitive, fighting, win-lose, good-evil false self, you don’t have to fight with anyone anymore.  You get the whole earth without removing your ass from your chair — unless inspired to do so. 

So being a victim doesn’t make you meek and heaven bound.  It makes you false self bound in hell.  It makes you a pawn of the illusion, not God’s beloved child.  When you see that, you won’t want to be a victim anymore.  And when you no longer want your inner victim, you kick its royal ass out of your mind forever.

No Longer a Victim: Escaping Victimhood Forever (Part II)

Predators and prey

By Cathy Eck


For part I, click here.


Getting Unstuck

Unraveling victimhood requires understanding how we got stuck in it in the first place.  The intricacies of the illusion need to be exposed; but until recently, exposing the illusion meant a short life or lots of torture.  I faced those fears every day in the early stages of writing this blog.

The illusion lives on because we can’t see the cause of the problems in our lives.  We’re all victims of magical slight of mind.  We’re told to look outward to people who aren’t the true cause instead of inward to our beliefs because the illusion needs believers.  Remember the word belief contains the word “LIE” within it.

When we fix effects instead of the cause of anything, the problems keeps repeating.  A perpetrator shows up in our life as the effect of our own causal beliefs.  But I know, it doesn’t look that way when we’re in it.  The cause is never outside.  In addition, nothing is incurable; but we must find the causal belief.

Victim, perpetrator, and rescuer are all different forms of masculine and feminine roles playing off of each other.  In truth, there are no roles.  They’re all illusory.  We’re also trained to see the feminine role as powerless.  That training is very difficult to break.  Victim is generally a feminine role; however, some victims are actually perpetrators in disguise.  As people have become smarter, they’ve become better players of the illusion game.

When we’re free of beliefs, no one can trigger us — we remain calm and peaceful all the time.  If I say to you, “You’re an elephant.”  You’ll laugh.  You know you aren’t an elephant.  If I say, “You’re stupid.”  You might believe me.  Your mind will search for times you were stupid.  I’ve triggered your belief that you can be stupid.  If you let that belief go, you’ll not be bothered by my comment.  You’ll laugh because you know it’s false.  This is key; I’m only a perpetrator if you believe what I say.  Otherwise, I’m a comedian.


Enlightenment Defined

The difference between tragedy and drama is drama has less beliefs.  The difference between drama and comedy is comedy has less beliefs.  As we let go, we laugh more.  We become lighter; we enlighten.  When we have NO beliefs, we can’t be tricked or triggered by others.  We stay light.

We’re often shocked at the beliefs that arise in our mind as we witness our emotions.  We never consciously accepted most of these beliefs.  We suddenly realize how heavy our thinking is.

I often hear,  “I wasn’t raised in religion; yet I’m finding religious beliefs in my mind. How did they get in there?”  I was shocked by this too.  As I let go, I become aware of the person who gave me the belief.  The mystery does start to unravel.  Letting go causes us to break false-self connections with people who gave us beliefs.   Consequently, people fear they’ll lose someone if they let go of their shared beliefs.  Often they feel strong resistance from the other as they try to let go.  If we keep letting go, we’ll eventually have only a True Self connection with people — just unconditional love.

We got beliefs by being born to people who had them even if they didn’t talk about them.  Kids are telepathic until at least seven years of age.  We’ve sympathized with religious friends and family.  When we believe another’s problem, we also believe the causal belief that they can’t see.  We fear religious people who impose their beliefs on us.  If we fear something, we believe it.  Or we’ve had a teacher of truth or followed inspirational speakers who float above their beliefs.  Remember, if we’re going to someone for the truth, we believe we don’t have it.  So we make a great projection screen for someone who believes they have the truth, when they don’t.


Shared Beliefs

We all have perpetrator-victim within us until we let both roles go.  The master and the slave both believe in slavery.  The slave has an inner master and the master an inner slave.  The criminal and policemen both believe in crime.  Neither can play their role without the other.  They’re like conjoined twins.  They’re both victims of the illusion playing false roles.  That’s why criminals often plead temporary insanity.  They don’t know how they got into the role; but once they did, they played the it like they were going for an OSCAR.

Because of the way we hold masculine and feminine roles in mind, it appears that the slave is stuck in the master’s illusion.  We forget that the master needs the slaves or his desire is thwarted.  The policeman needs criminals.  Doctors need patients.

This is difficult to understand because of our perceptual training.  We’re taught to see doctors as good; they’re serving.  (See comic book truth for more.)  If we drop all belief in disease, we don’t need doctors.  They move from rescuer to perpetrator.

Soldier is a completely illusory feminine role (obedience and sacrifice), yet people sign up to kill because it’s reframed as service and heroism.  Our desire to be seen as good or worthy gets us in victim roles.  The trick wouldn’t work if we let go of the beliefs that say we aren’t good or worthy.

We must ask ourselves, “Why do I feel compelled to play this role?”  The answers we get will all be false; they’re our causal beliefs.  Another good question is, “What is the perpetrator thinking about me?”  Again, whatever answers arise are beliefs, let them go.  You can’t let go of the truth, and our mind is 99.99% bullshit.  So always err on the side of letting go.

Once we strengthen our True Self (our true savior) and weaken our own false self (which has both victim, rescuer, and perpetrator), we can no longer be cast into these illusory roles — we can’t be a victim anymore.

To be continued…



Sympathy, Empathy, or Compassion


By Cathy Eck



One day, my ex-husband was sharing childhood paperboy memories.  He talked about getting up early and usual paperboy stuff.  Then he got teary eyed and said, “There was one women who inspired me.  She didn’t have any money, but she had a big plum tree.  Often she didn’t pay me, but she shook her plum tree and let me keep whatever plums fell to the ground.”

By this time, I’m about ready to lose it because I can see where this is headed, but I took a deep breath and allowed him to continue.  My ex-husband was trained to believe that sympathy is kindness.  “She was so poor, Cathy, (sob, sob) that one time she didn’t have any wood for her fire so she went and got a railroad tie from the train tracks and carried it all the way up the hill by herself.  Can you imagine?”  The only thing I’m imagining is how fucking strong this woman is to get a railroad tie out of the tracks and carry it up a steep hill.

He was sure we’d weep together and wallow in sympathy for the old woman.  But I had no sympathy because the woman didn’t deserve it.

First of all, a newspaper is not a necessity for life.  If you don’t have the money to pay the lousy nickel (this was in the 60’s), you cancel the damn paper.  Second, I wondered how the railroad company felt about missing a highly important railroad tie.  I was appalled with the woman.   I was also appalled at my ex-husband’s lack of discrimination.  He truly couldn’t see that she was a great con artist.  She got a little kid to take a plum for a paper and was labeled inspiring in the process.  She got people to feel sorry for her instead of using her clearly enormous physical strength to earn a living.  I now call this the victimhood advantage; and some people play it like a harp.

This event was my first big insight into the nature of sympathy, empathy, and compassion.  Sympathy isn’t natural.  It’s a learned behavior that is socially correct in the illusion.  If you want to get out of the illusion, you have to understand that compassion is the ticket out of Dodge.

When my ex-husband wasn’t paid for his paper, he felt emotion.  His emotion was saying: “Don’t believe her.”  A normal reaction would have been to stop delivering her a paper.  She simply couldn’t afford it.  But his trained reaction was that she was some sort of hero.  This is level confusion at its best.

When we feel sorry for another, we accept their illusory view, their beliefs, as true.  Our mind says that if it is true for them, it’s true for us.  Then we create the same crap in our life and say “I guess they were right.”  It keeps both people stuck.

Later in life, my ex-husband still created nice people who cheated him out of what he deserved, and he wondered why.  You can’t drive very far if you have one foot on the gas and one on the break.  Sympathy is like that.  You give attention to the problem while trying to solve it.

In the illusion, sympathy feels like attention and alleviates guilt.  When you lose interest in the illusion, you don’t want sympathy.  Sympathy suddenly feels like hate; and that is what it is when you take the wrapper off.  If you keep another stuck in their problem, do you love them or hate them?  When I screw up, I want people to remind me to let go, not people to reward the problem.  I want freedom from problems.



Empathy is useful inside and outside the illusion.  It’s a bridge between worlds.  Empathy is the ability to walk in another’s shoes and see if what you are about to do is win-win.  When we let go of our beliefs about sympathy, we naturally move up to empathy.  We can’t harm others (although we might burst their false bubble).  Sympathy happens after the problem occurs; it’s a reaction to the effect.  Empathy prevents problems from occurring; it affects the cause.  If everyone had empathy and operated from win-win, we’d have no conflicts and few, if any, problems.



Compassion is totally different from sympathy or empathy; it is what Jesus taught.  Compassion corrects the cause of any problem.  In compassion, you don’t believe anything that doesn’t feel good.  You know it’s false.  You are clear that what feels bad is false, even if it looks real.  You recognize that the person with the problem is caught in an illusory nightmare, and you let go of any belief in your mind that they can’t heal themselves or fix their problem.  You trust in their ability to return to their True Self, and you do as little as possible for them.  You realize that their True Self is powerful beyond measure and can handle this better than your false mind.

Compassion allows people to change, heal, and grow.  Empathy allows us to live together peacefully.  Sympathy keeps everyone stuck in codependency that is relabeled caring and love.

Now I know this is not an easy thing to grasp at first.  But when I’ve helped people to experience this shift, they feel the magic of release.  Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they cry, and sometimes they just sit in awe because they’ve had a glimpse of their True Self.  In true compassion, miracles happen.  I’ve seen diseases disappear, relationship problems mend, and people forget why they called me because they can’t remember their problem.  That is how I know they’ve found the truth and healed the cause.  We all fell into the illusion, and we learned to be socially sympathetic; but when we let sympathy go, we’re reborn as our True Selves with compassion.


Here’s my radio interview on the Victimhood Advantage if you want some dessert.