The Host Parasite Relationship

Host Parasite relationship

By Cathy Eck

 

The Host

I never thought much about the notion of hosting until visiting Ecuador for a few months. I considered the woman who owned the home I stayed in to be my host.  Ironically, I started having problems with my internet provider during that time; of course, they were my “hosting” company.  The odd thing was that my hosting company was perfect until I went to Ecuador.  Clearly an old belief was coming up for releasing.

I decided to review my memories around hosting in general.  Many memories surfaced, and all were the same situation with different people.   I’d meet someone in my home or a neutral place, and we’d get along great.  Then they’d invite me to their home where they were the host.  Now I couldn’t stand them.  I felt as if they gave me food and wine in exchange for the whining that I would endure until I could politely escape their house of horrors.  One of these people even said to me, “Now you’re on my turf.”

The host role is a masculine role.  The true masculine host gives unconditionally.  The false masculine host looks like it gives when it actually takes like a parasite; it gives conditionally.

 

Host and Parasite

The word host has an opposite or a complement, depending on how you look at it — parasite.  Wikipedia says, “The host and parasite exert reciprocal selective pressures on each other, which may lead to rapid reciprocal adaptation.”

Humans shouldn’t be adapting to each other’s false selves.  Sadly, most relationships have a fragile quality to them.  Everyone behaves like tightrope walkers focused on holding the delicate balance.  People adapt to the most fragile ones; and everyone is secretly miserable.

A whining host behaves like a parasite, sucking the life out of its guests.  As a false masculine, they establishes the tone of the experience for everyone.  The false masculine commands the power and control of the masculine role while also receiving the benefits that belong to the feminine role.  Consequently, people seek the spotlight in the home or the stage.  They get the power, and they get the attention and/or money too.  They often label that win-win.  Those of us in the feminine role label it lose-lose.  We have no power; and we receive things we don’t want.

My internet hosting company pretended to serve me.  But they sent me crap that shut down my computer and websites.  I felt that I had to protect myself from my own host.  Ah, I was now seeing the pattern.  I felt the same way when visiting these hosts — like I needed to protect myself.  Since I’m not a fan of wrapping myself in white light, I wanted to find out how I ended up in this situation over and over.

Power in the illusion requires getting others to submit to or follow the leader’s beliefs so they can get what they want.  If you look at royalty, they give nothing; they have all the power, and boy do they receive.

Both of my hosts wanted me to listen to their self-inflicted problems and feel sorry for them.  I was supposed to marinate in their crap and not hold them responsible.  I had to pretend the cause of their problem was a mystery.  I had to pretend that they were a victim.  As a good guest, I was supposed to follow this social norm.  It was time to let that go.  I’d had enough.

 

The Escape

We generally feel powerless in the feminine role.  We’ve been trained that we can’t or shouldn’t get the masculine host to change.  But I’ve discovered that when I completely let go of my feminine role in any drama (including my emotions), the scene does change.  When I let go of my feminine role in my relationship with the host, I moved beyond roles (or into a True Masculine place from their point of view).  Now I only had to make sure that I didn’t judge or label them.  I had to make sure that I was speaking truthfully, not grabbing the stage.  Frequently, the host would relax; and our conversation became light, creative, and fun.  They became a proper host.

If they just wanted power and control over me (or still thought they did), they’d try to see me as the problem — a parasite.  They wanted their beliefs or drama validated.  They were now feeling the emotions that they were previously projecting out by whining.  The angst was where it belonged, with the whiner (parasite pretending to be a gracious host).

I’d often get trapped at this point because they thought that I was causing their emotions.  If I didn’t say anything, they’d often say, “Are you doing something to me?”  Often I’d doubt myself.  Was I the cause?  We live in a strange world where we believe we can say horrible things without paying a price.  And when held accountable, people blame the listener or questioner for the emotion they feel.

When I encounter new belief patterns, I go back into my memory and replay old situations with my new understanding.  I see the memory as it was; but this time, I also let go.  I don’t take in what the other people said; I see their beliefs as just beliefs — powerless, untrue, and certainly not who they are.  I watch as the situation changes in my mind.  It has to.  Of  course, it’s perfect in my mental workshop; but my repaired memories become my new history.  This sets the tone for my future real life exchanges.  Yes, we can change the past.

Eventually, in my mental workshop, I saw that the human opposite of host wasn’t parasite; it was guest.  The host now unconditionally gave; and I, the guest, joyously received.  Ironically, once I did this inner work, my Ecuadorian host fixed up my room.  She started to give to me in many ways.  And my internet hosting company took responsibility and fixed their problem.

Too Good To Be True, Etc.

La Jolla

By Cathy Eck

 

In my mentorship program, I require participants to write down their personal version of Heaven on Earth.  It isn’t the same for any two people.  But there is a harmony among them.  There’s never a case where one person’s Heaven on Earth would prevent another from having their Heaven on Earth.  That’s how I know they’ve tapped into something true.

After writing their Heaven on Earth, I ask them to write about their reality.  The difference is huge.  I learn a lot about them.  I learn what brings them joy.  I also learn what’s currently bringing them pain and suffering.  If they’ve been involved in New Age or Eastern religions, they’ll have a hard time writing this document.  They’ve become quite good at ignoring their desires or making them bad.  If they’ve been in western religion, they have lots of desires, but their reality is not even close.  Often they’re embarrassed by the desires; they think they don’t deserve them.  Or they think they’ll get them when they die if they go to the Heaven sold by religion.

In some cases, their mind and emotions work for them.  When they read their Heaven on Earth, they feel calm and peaceful.  Life feels right.  When they read their reality statement, they feel emotional and powerless.  Their emotions are pointing to the beliefs that are causing this gap.  The True Self would have no gap between reality and Heaven unless it’s a fun gap.  It also wouldn’t have emotional agitation.

When we understand this, we see how religion and spiritual teachings make people miserable.  They’re pushing Heaven away from earth by causing people to believe that their desires are imaginary, wrong, or impossible.  Most people are basking on the fringes of hell while telling themselves that they’re almost in heaven.  Spiritual and miserable are close cousins in the illusion.  Most people don’t see this, but they would if they watched themselves talk.

 

Defeat or Drop

The illusion looks very powerful and impossible to defeat for most of us.  Some people achieve success by finding a crack.  Others have strong wills and win a battle or two.  But nobody wins the war.  The illusion eventually kills us all.  It’s impossible to defeat the illusion by fighting it.  No one has ever won that war, and no one ever will.  However, it’s possible to forget the illusion — to not believe it exists.  And when enough of us do that, it won’t exist anymore for anyone.  Earth will be Heaven again.

There are some big beliefs that fuel the notion that our dreams are impossible or imaginary, and our reality is painfully true.  The main one is that people think thoughts that generate emotion are true, when they are actually false.  This keeps us all living like salmon trying to jump upstream.  It’s hard work.  I wouldn’t want to be a salmon.

With each of these false statements below, notice that they aren’t win-win for everyone.  Either some people must lose, or everyone must lose.  Also, if you pay attention to your emotions, you’ll see they’re false beliefs.  If they do feel good, look for some sneaky-ass pride telling you that you’re good for having this belief.  Or see if you’re labeling the emotion excitement.

 

It’s Too Good to be True

It’s easier to see how disgusting this statement really is when you look at the opposite.  “If it’s really bad and I’ll hate it, It’s true.”  We often say things like “It’s Too Good to be True” to make ourselves seem humble.  If we were all shining brightly, no one would be humble.  Only arrogant people will tell us that we need to be humble.  Only those who want company in their misery will tell us that “It’s Too Good to be True.”  If something feels calm and peaceful, it’s true.  We don’t need to prove that to anyone.

 

Hard Work is a Virtue

Most of us in America have ye olde Puritan Ethic.  We’re embarrassed or labeled lazy if something comes to us easily.

In common conversations, normal people whine, complain, blame, or look for justification, praise, or support for their “life is hard work” point of view.  No wonder many of us would rather be alone on an island.  If hard work was virtuous, it would make us happy and joyful too.

After letting go for a while, I didn’t have anything to complain about.  People didn’t notice.  They just saw my silence as more air time for them to bitch.  After awhile, I decided there was no value in many relationships.  I couldn’t see that when I was complaining half of the time.  Normal crappy relationships looked like friendship.

I wondered what a real friendship looked like.  I realized that I wanted to talk about fulfilling my dreams, creative ideas, and new things I learned.   One day, it hit me.  Those were things that I talked about when I was young.  Maybe we get old and sick only because we keep accepting more and more of the illusion as true until it kills us.

 

Some Things Never Change

This statement screams level confusion.  The True Self doesn’t change.  All creative potential doesn’t need to change.  The false self should continue to change along with the True Self, but as people get older, they usually resist change.  A baby changes from week to week, children change from year to year.  Adults change from decade to decade, and most old people don’t change at all.  Then what’s the use of living anymore?  So we don’t.

 

Think of some more of these widely accepted false beliefs, and let them go.  If you notice yourself saying them, pay attention to why you said them.  Close the hole in your false mind by letting go of the reason you said it.  Do this enough, and the distance between your reality and your Heaven on Earth will shrink.  Until one day, they gap will be gone.

 

 

 

The Agony of Psychological Reversal

Psychological reversal

By Cathy Eck

 

Understanding psychological reversal is key to freeing our mind.  We’re all psychologically reversed in the areas of our life that don’t work perfectly.

 

What’s Psychological Reversal?

Years ago, I took a muscle testing class.  There was one woman in the class that creeped me out.  Lucky me; the instructor paired me with this creepy woman.  I was going to discover why she felt creepy.

When I asked her to think of a happy time, her arm went limp; she looked sad.  Then I asked her to think of a negative event in her life; she smiled brightly and got as strong as a bull.  I was sure I was doing something wrong; so I called over the instructor.  He said, “No you’re doing everything right.  This woman has extreme psychological reversal.  She gets strong in painful situations and weak when things are going well.”

Well I’ll be damned.  I never thought such a thing existed.  Then I realized that I’d seen mild cases of this all my life.  People who “shine in a crisis” or “smile while they suffer” are common.  Often, we label them heroes.

 

Psychological Reversal Begins…

My son was scared as hell on his first roller coaster ride.  At the time, I didn’t know about letting go.  I remember watching his mind work.  He was feeling strong fear, and he was trying to sooth the emotion with words like, “This roller coaster is reliable.  Others have ridden on it and lived.”  In that moment, I saw this normal thought pattern as backwards, false, and ineffective.

In hindsight, I should have asked him to dive into the fear and find the causal belief.  He would have let the cause go.  Then he would have ridden on the roller coaster with a calm joyousness.

We’re all highly trained to sooth, suppress, or numb emotions, and we resist going back and releasing the causal belief.  Our training keeps our false self in tact.  To end psychological reversal, we must break the normal pattern of thought.  The psychologically reversed mind views emotions as proof that their thinking is true.  It’s masterful at soothing the emotions with more thought.

Soothing fixes the problem for now.  Shining in a crisis fixes the problem in the moment.  But it doesn’t fix the causal belief.  Eventually, we’ll be soothing and shining again.  If we have deep psychological reversal and feel pride in our ability to shine in a crisis, we’ll never remove the causal thought.  We’ll fear losing our false purpose and superiority.

When we are not psychologically reversed, we notice that a thought doesn’t feel good, and we drop it.  Healthy, successful people do this naturally all the time.  Usually, they don’t even notice that they do it.

 

The Illusion Needs Psychological Reversal

Psychological reversal is key to making good soldiers, good slaves, and good subordinates.  Feminine roles in the illusion are about obedience and following.  The True Self can’t obey or follow someone who isn’t authentic, truthful, and loving (the true masculine).  The true feminine is about creativity, inspiration, and wisdom.  

When we make followers the good children or decorate soldiers for following orders, we create psychological reversals that are nearly impossible to break.  We create people who ignore their True Self and obey authority because they’re proud of being false selves.  We create people who willingly accept feminine roles that lead to their demise, destruction, or death.  

The false self of psychologically reversed people will fight to the death to make sure the True Self isn’t exposed because it fears annihilation.  The True Self is the enemy in psychological reversal because it won’t follow that which is false — it won’t obey false authority.  It questions them!

If we’re stuck and emotion isn’t moving or our body isn’t healing, the cause is often found in the emotions that we label positive.  Pride, excitement, romance, and hope are all emotions that are labeled positive.  However, emotions are neither positive or negative.  They’re just a signal that we’re thinking something false.  The emotions are a warning that we need to let go.

 

An Example 

Client:   My mother was abusive to me; I can’t forgive her.

Coach:  How does that feel when you think it?

Client:  Terrible

Coach:  So is it true?

Client:  Yes, it’s true. She beat me.

Coach:  It was your reality in the past.  But you aren’t being beaten now.  Your emotion right now is caused by labeling your mother abusive.  Labels aren’t true so they feel bad when we think them.

Client:  But it’s true.  She abused me.

Coach:  Her false self abused you.  In the past, you met her at her false self because you believed something that allowed her to abuse you.  She probably told you that you were bad and deserved punishment, and you believed her because she was your authority.  Then she delivered punishment.

Client:  Yes, she said I was a wise ass; I needed it beaten out of me.

Coach:  Are you a wise ass?

Client:  She thought I was.  I was speaking what I saw; she didn’t like what I said.

Coach:  So you were exposing reality that she wanted to hide.

Client:  Yes, that’s it.

Coach:  Does it feel good to keep the label wise ass?

Client:  Kind of.

Coach:  You’re proud of wise ass, but it isn’t the truth of who you are.  It didn’t feel good when she labeled you wise ass.  So let it go.

 

Client let’s go, and she realizes that her mother is no longer abusive so she’s not a victim anymore.  She’s no longer holding on to her label of wise ass.  Her pride  in being a victim and being a wise ass has disappeared.  Her psychological reversal is gone.

Her mind is now seeing the whole picture clearly, and she is calm.  She realizes that she was only abused because she fell out of her True Self when she believed her mother.  Now she is truly wise; and it couldn’t ever happen again.

 

How Do You Know What is True?

Truth or lies

By Cathy Eck

 

What is True?

In a world where false selves have become near clones of True Selves, it’s hard to determine what is true.  Often a strongly opinionated false self stands in our way, and we feel that our True Self is powerless.  That’s a moment where letting go pays big dividends.

There are multiple ways to discriminate between true or false.  Did an idea really come from God (as people claimed) or did it simply come from a very convincing human mind a long time ago?  False beliefs tend to look true as time passes.  The initiate’s job is to discriminate clearly and unfailingly.

So here is a summary of four ways to tell what is true.  They aren’t always quick and easy.  Sometimes you have to work a process for a while to see through the illusion.  Those who are winning the illusion are usually masters at manipulating these tests of truth.

 

Truth has no opposite

The triangle process is invaluable in determining what is true.  But what happens when a false self sees us as their enemy?

They’ll lose their steam when you recognize that they’re only seeing their reflection in you.  True Selves are like pure mirrors, which is why we all got pulled into the illusion as children.

So let go by rejecting their projection (beliefs) as false within your own mind.  The KEY is to work on your mind and ignore the other’s.  Too often we waste our energy because we get caught up in convincing or fighting the other.  When your mind is clear, if you need to say something, it will be inspired and true.

 

How Does it Feel?

This is my personal favorite what is true test.  Our emotions always relate to our own thoughts unless someone is speaking at us; then they relate to what we are hearing.  If everyone only said things that they ran through the how-does-it-feel test, the world would change dramatically for the better.  But this test is tricky because some people have twisted emotions due to religious or cultural brainwashing, called psychological reversal.

Recently, I saw a revealing BBC documentary called “The Most Hated Family in America” about the Westboro Baptist Church.  Below is a segment on YouTube displaying psychological reversal on steroids; I’ll warn you it’s very hard to watch.

Notice how these church members are speaking hateful words while smiling.  Their mouths are running automatically as programmed.  Their emotions are projected out to a target; so they’re not feeling them.  They’re thinking about their false God smiling on them, not the pain they’re causing others.  In fact, they believe they’re helping others to see the truth and mend their evil ways.

Most of us have less offensive psychological reversals.  But we have them.  Psychological reversals keep us stuck in right and wrong, good and evil.  They’re the master trick of the false self because they negate our God-given emotional barometer.  Blame is nearly always involved in psychological reversals.

 

Is it Win-Win?

This was my first what is true discovery.  When I had my business, I decided one day, that I would rather go bankrupt than ever do anything again that wasn’t completely win-win.  I started thinking carefully about everything I did, and I realized that I was changing into someone I actually liked.  I slept better, my mind was calmer and quieter, and my body was relaxed.

But it’s a tricky test.  People will say, “I’m win-win.  They’ll win if they do it my way.”  That isn’t how it works.

Imagine that you are the king of the world, and you get to choose the diet of every person on earth; you choose vegan because research shows it is healthy so you assume it must be true.  Now, I want you to go to northern Alaska in winter and be vegan.  You see, regardless of how reasonable it sounds to you, it doesn’t work for everyone.  So it isn’t true; it is merely a personal choice.  But you won’t see that unless you expand your sphere of influence.  The best answer would be something like “I want people in my world to eat what they are inspired to eat and enjoy eating.”  That is win-win.

We lose our win-win perspective when we limit our sphere of influence.  We have to remember that our thoughts contribute or contaminate everyone in the world in some small way.

 

What is True Works for All Time

This will sound funny to people trying desperately to live in the present moment.  But the Truth works in the past, present, and future.

When I was in college, I lived in a co-ed dorm for a year.  I was in my room studying with the door open on a Saturday night.  A gang of about ten young boys came in my room, locked the door, and told me to strip for some gang sex.  I calmly looked at them and said in a very stern voice, “You are thinking about now, the present moment, and you can have fun with me.  But what about tomorrow when you are a criminal?  What about the rest of your life?  Do you want to be a criminal and ruin your life?”  They got up and walked out the door.  Criminals always live in the present fueled by a contaminated past.

The truth works for the past, present, and future.  All three timeframes become perfect when you see them through the authentic eyes of the True Self.  Staying in the present is about enlightenment.  Being in all time is about total freedom, which includes enlightenment.

These are the big four.  True thinking passes all the tests.  When you find the true perspective, the initiates would say that you’re thinking like the creator God.  I promise you that you’ll want more.  It is pure unconditional love, and it is within you.

If something doesn’t test true in any of these, you’re not at the truth yet.  Keep trying.  It’s worth it.