Ending the Fighting, Living from Win-Win

Change our mind Change the World

By Cathy Eck

 

Fighting Versus Win-Win

In the path of initiation, our mind unravels in three levels of reality.  The first level disappears when our personal reality shifts, and we are left with an understanding of who we are and where we fit in the world.  The second level involves our relationship to others, and the third involves our relationship to the world.  This second-level event in my life didn’t make any sense when it happened in the early 90’s, and it was profoundly embarrassing.  Now I look back and just smile.

Until 1997, I owned a technology business.  My company was hired by a nonprofit organization, run by several retired generals, to design and implement a new membership and accounting system.   I partnered with another company owned by my friend Barry, who happened to be Middle Eastern.  Barry and I completed many projects together; this would be easy for us.

Within a few weeks of implementation, Barry and I noticed some things that the generals didn’t consider.  We saw opportunities to improve their system by upgrading things and shifting the paper flow.  So we went to meet with the generals.  Barry explained the situation, but clearly their bias toward his nationality and accent started to kick in.  They got very angry with him.

 

The Feminine Speaks

I had no idea what came over me, but I started to cry.  This was not what a professional did.  I tried to mask the tears by pretending to rub my eyes, only causing mascara to smear on my face and make things worse.  One general looked at me and said, “Something wrong?” in a general-like voice.

I cut loose.  “We came here to tell you how we could make your system better.  We are offering to do more work for the same money, giving you more than you asked for.  All you can hear is that we want an extra week to do it.  You act like you’re fighting a war when we’re on the same fucking team.  I just don’t know if I can work with assholes like you.  Life works better when you don’t perceive everyone as the enemy to be defeated.  But how would you know that?”  I fully expected that they would fire me and ask for their deposit to be returned.  But I didn’t care.  Barry was my friend and partner; and I had his back.

The head general looked at the others and said, “She’s right.  We do approach everything in this stupid organization like we’re at war.  Quite frankly, I’m sick of it too.  We can’t even recognize when someone is doing us a favor.”  He looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry; take as long as you need.”  We proceeded with the job and everything was perfect after that.

The next week, the general took me to lunch.  He said that he didn’t know how to thank me.  I had broken his military mindset; he felt human again.  He winked and said his wife adored the new man he’d become.  We remained friends until I moved away.  He sent me tons of business and became one of my biggest supporters.

 

The Power of Win-Win

What happened that day looked like pure magic.  But it’s boilerplate for how our emotions are designed to work.  When the generals started behaving from win-lose, I showed emotion.  They played the fallen masculine, and I played the feminine reflection.  When the general got the message and moved to win-win, the emotions stopped; and we easily came to a perfect resolution.

I didn’t consciously know what I was doing at the time; but some part of me did.  It is the template for the perfect male-female win-win relationship in the outer world and the perfect male-female mind relationship in the inner world (the alchemical marriage).

 

Emotions Lead to The Causal Belief

Once I accepted win-win as my new way of living, I discovered the power of emotions and how they could lead us to our beliefs.  I eventually learned how to let go of our beliefs and remain in win-win.

Not everyone was like my general friend.  Most people wanted to hold on to the fight and continue to go for the win.  But as I cleared more and more of my own win-lose mindset, they’d usually go fight with someone else.

After that day, giving in to win-lose interactions felt horrible.  The other person wanted win-win too, but they didn’t know it.  So even when they won our win-lose conflict, they fought more.  Win-lose is the root of all addictions and problems.  The more you chip away at the pile of bullshit that forms it, the less you want to play the games.

 

Tragedies are Caused by Win-Lose

People create tragedies just to experience win-win. The initiated said that we lose our power over nature and she screams when we forgot that we were born to cooperate.  As above, so below means that the world works the same way the mind works.  Win-win minds will one day manifest a win-win world.

Terrorism, shootings, bombings are all caused by win-lose belief systems perpetuated by religion and politics.  When something horrible happens, people stop competing and cooperate for the greater good.  But then life goes back to normal and they bring out the gloves.  The cycle perpetuates because the cause (the win-lose mindset) is never fixed.

I’m no longer interested in honoring those who ban together in a tragedy or fight well in a war.  They aren’t heroes; they are looking for relief from their suffering.

I’m interested in the man or woman who chooses win-win to avoid the tragedy, before they have something to gain, just like my general friend.  His medal of honor in Vietnam was worthless in his daily life.  He became a true hero when he quit fighting wars and found the magic of win-win.  He got the highest reward in life; he found his True Self.

 

Is end of war possible?  I think so.

 

 

 

How Do You Know If It Is Unconditional Love?

Unconditional love honors our differences.

Unconditional love always honors our differences.

By Cathy Eck

 

Unconditional Love Is Normal

After speaking on a cruise ship, a woman came up to me and said, “I’m sorry if this is a stupid question, but can you please explain unconditional love.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt it or even thought it was possible.”  I wanted to cry because unconditional love should be our normal state of being, not some weird phenomenon that occurs only when Venus eclipses the sun.

Unconditional love is the raw material of our True Self.  You can’t pretend to be unconditionally loving.  You can’t learn unconditional love.  You are it.  But most people have forgotten that they are unconditional love because they’ve been plastered with papier-mache beliefs since birth.  We have to break through that paper mache  cover in order to find our True Self and live from unconditional love.

 

Unconditional love monkey and bird

Conditional love wants our differences to disappear. Unconditional love finds harmony in our differences.

 

Most Love is Conditional

Most love is conditional.  That is because we often use our emotions backwards in relationship.  When we feel emotions with another, we are in false love or what is often called chemistry or romance.  Emotions are a signal that we are a false self match to this person.  Unconditional love feels like peace; and often people find unconditional love and turn away from it because it feels boring.  Unconditional love is complete; it doesn’t need another to be whole.

Letting go of our beliefs about another is the road to unconditionally loving them.  The goal is not to get the other to unconditionally love you, it is for you to unconditionally love them.  Then you give them their freedom, even if that means they don’t want to be with you anymore.  Sounds hard, but it is truly worth it.  You end up with the right people in your life, and your relationships become mutually supportive and calm.

 

An Initiation Test

Here is a test that comes from the ancient mystery school teachings.  It was used to force initiates to become unconditionally loving.

Imagine a composite person in your mind standing before you, your own personal terrorist.  They have all the most horrific qualities that you could imagine in a human being.  They are blocking the exit from the initiation chamber, and you can’t leave until you love them unconditionally.

Take one disgusting quality of your terrorist, and you can even label it.  (Enjoy it now, I don’t usually let people label anything).  Now remember that they are unconditional love so this quality that you see is not who they are.  It is an illusion.  Notice that the quality doesn’t feel good.  Witness the emotion in your body, and keep reminding yourself that they are not that label.  The quality that you see is only a facade; it is not true.  If you don’t feel any emotion when focusing on that quality, it is probably because your mind is being right that they are what you see.

Letting go begins the moment you know that what you are thinking is not the truth.

You know when you have reached the place of unconditional love with that quality when there is no more emotion.  The picture in your mind of the terrorist will often change.  It will usually soften a bit.  Keep repeating this for each horrible quality you see in the terrorist until you feel nothing but love for them.  The ancient ones said that when you free the terrorist, the terrorist will free you.  This isn’t easy; so be kind to yourself if you don’t make it out alive.  Remember, it is just an exercise.

 

Is Your True Self Running Your Life?

The ease in doing this exercise shows you just how much influence your True Self has over your false mind.  The more you are in your false self, the harder it will be to let go.  The false self doesn’t like to let go, but it must listen to our True Self.

For a harder challenge, bring real people into the position of guard, and test your skill at letting go of your beliefs about them.  Often, we have a tendency to keep people we know on the hook.  So watch out for that.  And when you are really brave, put yourself in the guard position because the person we often love the least is our self.

In truth, all of these people are our own reflection so as you do to them, you are actually doing to your self.  When you can’t find a terrorist to guard your exit, you’re FREE.

 

Let me know how it goes.  Post a comment or write to me.  I’m always interested in hearing results even if the terrorist killed you.

Want a little more love?  Here is a link to an article on the Huna Golden Rule.