Love! The Most Confusing Word in the English Language

True Love

My daughter’s rescued dogs.

By Cathy Eck

 

Words are Crazy

I love the word fuck.  It’s so clear and versatile.  If I say, “What the fuck?”  You know what I mean.  If I say, “You look fucking gorgeous!”  We’re in harmony.  If I say, “Fuck you.”  You get my drift without any further explanation.

However, if I say “I love you,” now you’re confused.  Does she mean she like… really loves me?  Does she want to have sex with me?  An exclusive relationship?  To marry me?  Three little words, “I love you,” create more relationship confusion in one day than fuck has ever created — and people claim fuck is the bad word.  But don’t worry; fuck comes to the rescue.  If you say, “I fucking love you man.”  Now you are safe.  Confusion gone.

 

Love is Enough

Nothing feels worse than hearing someone say, “My love is not enough to….. (fill in the blank)”  The statement isn’t true.  But in desperate moments, those words often come out of people’s mouths.  They wonder if they’re being punished when they love something so much and can’t make it right or save it.  That’s love in the illusion.  If you choose to believe in it, you get the consequences.

Unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe.  I’m certain that it’s enough.  But love has been so watered down and so misused that it’s lost its incredible power.

Let’s start with romantic love.  We use the term “fall in love” for a good reason.  We take our whole True Self and cast it aside so we can be half of another person.  We define a good relationship as becoming more concerned over whether they like us then whether we like us.  Therefore, it’s also common to say, “I lost myself in that relationship.

We believe that strong emotions mean love.  But since you read my blog, you aren’t falling for that trick, are you?  The emotion is saying that what we’re thinking right now is false.  That’s all.  Emotional chemistry means that this person gets us to think a lot of false thoughts. True love is calm.  And sex should be the effect of love, not a synonym for it.

 

That’s Not Love

Some of you were raised by parents who told you that discipline was love.  My mom would smack us with her big wooden paddle and then tell us she did it because she loved us.  WTF?  That wasn’t true then and never will be true.  She was getting an emotional release because her thinking about us sucked.  That’s not love.

Then there are the people who think worry is love.  When we worry about someone, we’re projecting our fear on them.  That’s not love.

There’s the notion that sympathy as love.  When we sympathize with another, we’re believing the same lies that they believe making it harder for them to fix their situation.  Compassion, where we know they’ve just accepted a belief that isn’t true, and we know they can let it go, is equal to love.  Compassion comes from the True Self.

Controlling or fixing another isn’t love.  Someone who says, “I want you to read this self-help book because I love you.”  That’s not love.  While I freely express my ideas on my blog, I don’t even make my own kids read it.  It’s there for people who want it.  True love doesn’t need support or validation.

People equate love with doing shit.  That’s not love.  I’ve been told that love is thank you cards, cleaning, various activities, offering to buy dinner, hugs, visiting, calling, squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom, handing over the remote, etc.  I’ve been told that love is gifts, surprises, and the right words.  And I don’t believe any of it.  Fuck you Hallmark and 1-800-FLOWERS.

It’s all an issue of good old level confusion.  At the mental level, love is simply making sure that what we think of another when we think of them is loving and true.  When it’s not, we let go.  That’s it.  The mental level is what’s true.

People who feel inclined to follow the socially acceptable laws of love, as described above, view life from the physical orientation.  They often do nice things while talking about you behind your back or secretly hating you in the privacy of their mind.  They can look loving without really being loving.  If we’re honest and honor our emotions, we’ve known it all along; but usually, we didn’t want to admit it.

Humans spend their lives trying to get love when all we can control is our ability to give it.  In my experience, that’s enough.  When we get our mind clear enough that another’s false self has no power over us anymore, they’re really easy to love.  Our love power returns.

 

Unconditional love

Unconditional love is a nice word pairing — kind of like steak and Merlot; but most people don’t really know what it means.  We can’t do unconditional love.  We can’t figure it out.  We can’t pretend it.  Love doesn’t have power until it’s unconditional, and it isn’t unconditional until we let go of our false definitions of love.  Sometimes, that’s a long list.

False love is power over another — possession, fear-driven, and controlling.  It only has the power that we believe it has.  True unconditional love is a creative, healing, and unlimited power.  But we can’t fake it until we make it.  The way out is awkward, emotional, and often scary.

Often we wake up one day and realize that all the things we thought we loved about others aren’t real; their masks are covering something we don’t want to see.  But True love doesn’t turn away because when we remember another’s True Self by letting go of the false we see in them, we meet them at the True Self level.  Then we see our own reflection and it’s fucking awesome.   And I know that you know exactly what I mean.

The Path of Initiation: Thinking or Doing?

nitiation is a path of least action

By Cathy Eck

 

Initiation is a Mental Path

Initiation is a thinking (mental) path, not a doing path.  This can be confusing at first.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mean that you won’t ever do anything again once you choose to move in the direction of initiation.  Initiation isn’t a path of contemplation or avoidance of activity.  The initiate simply gets his or her thinking correct before taking action.  If it appears that a decision needs to be made, they know they aren’t ready to take action.  The perfect path is always clear and obvious.

On the other hand, the illusion emphasizes doing.  We’re good if we work hard.  We’re good if we do nice things.  Religious people copy what Jesus did, without regard for how he thought.  They don’t notice that Jesus never took action without getting his thinking straight because he followed the path of initiate.

 

Doing

Let’s assume that we’re having a problem with another person.  The doing path will cause us to think that we need to say something to them.  We might think that we need to change our behavior or ask them to change theirs in order to fix the problem.  Worst case, we might manipulate or trick them into being or acting different.  We might use reverse psychology or behavior modification on them.  Any of these options amount to nothing more than fixing the effect.

Our society confuses doing with love.  People often write to me and say that their spouse doesn’t give them attention or their boss doesn’t appreciate them.  What we do is always an extension of what we’re thinking or what we believe.  If another person’s doing is an issue for us, then we must get to the cause of our discomfort (which is always in our minds).  We have to eliminate the thinking that’s causing the need or want that we believe the other should fill for us.  We want or need people to behave in a certain way when we have an emotional or spiritual void (always caused by beliefs).  We can let go of the causal belief and eliminate the void.

In masculine roles, we get angry when people reflect our unwanted or negative beliefs; we expect the people in our life to behave better than our own beliefs about them.  In initiation, we don’t break our mirrors.

 

Thinking

In initiation, we put right and truthful thinking first.  First of all, we need to know what we’re thinking about any situation.  Any thoughts that produce emotion are false even if they match our current reality.  Regardless of whether the thought that feels bad is about us, the other, or the relationship, we let it go.  The goal is to get our mind back to the truth.  This is much easier to say than to do.  Our minds are highly stuck on observing reality; we’re sure that whatever we observed or experienced was true.

For most of us, reality is simply an illusion produced by our beliefs.  We can only get to the truth, which is always positive, win-win, and good, by letting go of the unreal.  Eventually, our mind becomes peaceful and clear.  If at that point, we’re inspired to take action, it will be the right action for everyone concerned because it will come from a truthful and free mind.

Too often, we jump into action because we want things to be complete or resolved.  We just make matters worse.

 

Getting What You Need

Let’s look at another example.  We need to make some quick money.  We’re frantic that we’ll run out before money comes in.  Our knee-jerk reaction is to get a job, any job.  We take action after action only to get more and more confused and desperate.

Granted it isn’t easy to let go when we’re filled with fear, but it’s the most important time to do so.  In a situation like this, I give myself an entire day, and allow my thoughts to arise.  With each thought, I decide if that thought feels good or doesn’t feel good.  If it doesn’t feel good (has an emotional component), then I let it go.  Then I let the next thought arise.

If we can’t feel any emotions, we can create a quick mental image of a perfect work situation.  Then witness our thoughts.  If a thought arises that moves toward that vision, we keep it.  If a thought comes up that moves away from that vision, we let it go.  Remember, letting go just requires recognition that the thought is false.  Usually false thoughts feel bad unless we’ve trained ourselves to suppress our emotions.

If we do this process for an entire day, something will change.  we’ll have a much freer mind, more options, and our actions will pay greater dividends.  But it’s a rare person who can do this for more than a few minutes.  Most people will be surfing the internet or whining to their friends before long.  Others will wallow in their emotions and feel sorry for themselves.  These so-called normal activities all strengthen our problems.

 

Initiation and Payoffs

For initiation to work, we must eliminate all payoffs.  If we’re out of work, perhaps we don’t really want a job.  If we’re sick, we might be getting attention for it.  If we’re having relationship problems, we might feel superior to others when we play the martyr role.  Hidden payoffs can really get in the way of change.  We often won’t see what we need to let go until we release all the hidden payoffs.

Finally, we must be honest and ruthless with ourselves.  Avoid guilt, shame, or blame.  We don’t have to share what we let go, don’t have to make amends, and don’t even have to explain ourselves.  When we let go, the world changes.  Things take care of themselves because we’re no longer feeding the illusion.  Eventually, by letting go, all things can be made right again without anyone else doing a thing.