Who Is Hurting Whom? A Relationship Trap

Relationship problems

By Cathy Eck

 

Relationship Difficulties

The illusion is always backwards from the truth.  Once we’re lost in it, we can’t see the truth.  We’re filled with emotions; and we just want someone, anyone, to fix them.

Most arguments happen because one person or group wants others to eliminate their emotions or fulfill their false needs and wants.  However, if we meet another’s need or want, they aren’t likely to fix the cause.  They’ll just expected us to fulfill it again and again.  Inspirational speakers and clergy, advertising, drug companies, and traditional medicine and therapy all prey upon this aspect of the illusion.  We will come back again and again for a fix, and they will gladly continue to bill us.

Initiation saved me from this trap.  From the initiate’s perspective, relationship exposes the places that our false self still holds beliefs.  If someone can upset us, or we fear them, our false self is afraid of losing power to them.  They’re playing a masculine role in an illusion where we’re feminine.  If we feel we must control or fix others, we’re playing the masculine role.  In the illusion, of course, the masculine role appears to have all the power.

As we travel the path of initiation, we find it increasingly difficult to meet another’s false needs or wants.  We want authentic relationships.  Even money isn’t enough incentive to play a permanent false role in another’s life.  We want others to join us in freedom.  And often, we’ll try to convince them to let go.

We can look rude or uncaring when we suggest letting go or won’t do what they believe they want or need.  But once we see the world’s suffering as an illusion created by FALSE beliefs, we can’t pretend it’s true anymore.  We can’t feel good about fixing effects.   This is one of those awkward stages.  We find it hard to sympathize with their false problems.  We can’t condone their disempowering labels.  We often feel bad about this because we do care.

They think their beliefs, needs, and wants are real and won’t go away.  They believe what their mind tells them; they refuse to let go.  Usually, we can see that their problems have a payoff; they manipulate others to fill their deeper false need or want, such as loneliness, insecurity, or lack of love.  They create a false connection to others, which appears to sooth their separation from their own True Self.

 

A Simple Example

Your partner asks you to spend time with them.  You say, “No, I want to be alone tonight.”  So partner says, “So I’m not important.  You’re so hurtful.  You don’t care about me.”  Those are three imaginary false self statements.  Your partner is giving you reasons for why you said “No.”  But none of them are true; you know that.  Your partner, however, has deep loneliness at the core of their false self.   They don’t want to feel that loneliness and let it go; they want you to take it away.

Often our social brainwashing kicks in.  We fix their need; and we feel obligated to fix it.  Then we’ll get entangled in their illusive reality.  In time, we’ll resent them.

 

Who’s Hurting Whom?

Nothing has caused me more confusion and pain in my life than this confusing issue.  I can see the beliefs that keep others stuck, and I simply refuse to condone them.  But I’ve often been seen as rude and uncaring for exposing others’  beliefs.  Their false self would think I was trying to hurt them.

I lived in a world of people who were addicted to the illusion and wished me to grant them a moment of comfort rather than a life of freedom.  I simply didn’t belong.  My gift for freeing people was a curse in their illusion.  Beliefs are sacred in the illusion.  One who tries to change or eliminate them is evil.

I know I’m not alone.  Many people now see that freedom is the most loving thing we can give another.  And they, too, often feel like strangers in a strange world.

From the perspective of initiation, the general rule to see who hurt whom is to look at who’s generating emotions.  But people with giant false selves have become masters of the illusion.  They can often say something like our partner above without displaying any emotion.  That’s because they truly believe they’re entitled to our attention.  Their loneliness feels real, even infinite.  They have pride or rightness about their beliefs.  If we don’t see what they’re doing, we’ll drown with them.

If our partner was paying attention to their own emotions, they’d notice that none of their statements felt good.  They aren’t the truth.  They’re meaningless mind recordings from their past.  They’d let them go.  We wouldn’t have to fill their false need; they’d now understand us.  They wouldn’t attach false meaning to our words.  They’d thank us for helping them get closer to their True Self.

Our social customs are confusing because they focus on physical actions and not mental clearing.  Being there for another doesn’t mean listening to them dump baggage on us, soothing their emotions, or filling their false needs.  Our normal social customs create codependence, possession, and bondage; they don’t support truly loving relationship.  Gone too far, they can even lead to physical, emotional, and mental abuse.  Besides, our social customs are really expensive.

The ancient teachers taught that our false self wasn’t meant to be connected to others.  It was devised as an individual container so that we could create individually.  When someone says they need us, they’re trying to link false minds.  They want us to fix the effect of their beliefs.  They’re actually hurting us while saying we’re hurting them.  They want us to be half of an illusory whole.

Initiation is about undoing all of our false self connections and finding our true wholeness.  When we’re no longer linked to others via beliefs, needs, and wants, we’re free, and they’re free too.

 

The Four Levels of Relationships

relationships

By Cathy Eck

 

Level Confusion in Relationships

In many of my posts, I talk about the nemesis of initiation — level confusion.  Relationships are highly complicated by level confusion.  We view dysfunctional  relationships as normal or even good.  Unconditionally loving relationships are considered fantasy story material or boring.

The pyramid above is physically oriented.  Relationships at the bottom are much more noticeable because they create strong emotions and dangerous physical effects.  The top of the pyramid is barely visible because our bodies and minds are calm and the effects produced are pure, harmless, and lacking in drama.

 

Level 1:  Unconditionally Loving Relationships

This is where we begin our journey on earth — the True Self.  We love everyone; differences are celebrated and complementary.  No one harms another.  People are creative, joyous, and free.  Spirit, mind, and body are congruent.  This level is the goal of initiation — death of the false self; rebirth of the True Self.

When we look at the world through this spiritual or divine orientation, we focus on our own thinking and our own creating.  Our minds hold only true, undivided thoughts.  This level is perfect, but it would become boring if it was the only way we lived.  So we created level two.

 

Level 2:  Mental Relationships

In mental relationships, we create beliefs.  If we use our mind as designed, beliefs are personal or shared for purposeful co-creation.  When our creation is complete or the desired result is obtained, the beliefs were meant to be dropped.  We return to level one until we wish to create again.  This is called first-cause creation.  If we stay in first-cause creation, we remain a mental virgin — our mind is a pure, creative womb.  Our creations are win-win for everyone.  Life is joyous and free; we don’t experience problems.

However, if we create or borrow beliefs that separate us from others such as pretty versus ugly, rich versus poor, or Republican versus Democrat, we move into second-cause creation.  Second-cause beliefs contain an element of judgment, dividing us from the whole.  They’re always accompanied by emotion, which is the signal that what we’re thinking isn’t true and isn’t in our best interest.  When people learn to ignore their emotional signals, they hold on to beliefs as if they’re true.  They become half instead of whole.  They look to emotional relationships for completion, falling even further from their True Self.

 

Level 3:  Emotional Relationships

Most emotional relationships are labeled chemistry or romance.  But they also occur between people who are like-minded in beliefs (especially religious or political).  Beliefs cause us to feel alone and separate; emotional relationships seem to fix that separation.

Emotional relationships are usually held together by seemingly positive emotions such as romance, hope, excitement, and pride.  These are the most damaging emotions.  They pull us right into the illusion and hold us there.

All emotions are signals from our True Self that we’re creating with second-cause beliefs.  It’s as if we’re now running on limited battery power instead of unlimited electric current.  Consequently, emotional relationships last only because the fear of leaving outweighs the emotional pain of staying.  Death provides a welcome ending when our battery power runs out.

In emotional relationships, we feel connected when we’re with the one or ones who complete us.  Outsiders threaten our fragile beliefs and seeming connection.  Group power is false power that pretends to be real power.

Letting go of emotional relationships requires finding the causal belief that got us into the relationships.  We must move up to level two, find the second-cause belief, and let it go.  People often fear losing codependent emotional relationships and miss the opportunity to become whole or to experience higher level relationships.

Emotional relationships feel powerful because emotions create drama and the ups and downs of excitement.  Over time, emotions create disease and problems, which often unite us in yet another dysfunctional way.  Sadly, our creative power is diminished at this level.  Life eventually pulls us down into opposition.

 

Level 4:  Opposition in Relationships

The bottom level of the relationship pyramid is opposition.  It’s the foundation of the physical illusion.  People, who live completely within their false self, view this level as the truth.  Religion invented this world of opposites spiced with judgment — I’m good; you’re evil.  Business and gaming entered the picture — I win; you lose.  Moral and social behavior was defined — I’m right; you’re wrong.  Politics got involved — I dominate; you submit.

This level is the domain of fundamentalist religions and political division resulting in war, poverty, disease, and suffering of all types.  The only way to stay alive at this level is to create second-cause beliefs that place us above others, such as being part of a chosen group.  That takes a lot of effort to sustain because others will work hard to knock us off of our fragile pedestal.

Seeing level four as true is what causes people to have an apocalyptic view of life.  They see themselves as good; those who try to knock them off their pedestal of false superiority are labeled the enemy or evil.  Many try to resolve oppositional problems by looking for someone (like a savior) or something (bigger bomb) that neutralizes all their causal beliefs.

 

The Solution

True safety and real relationship comes from dropping all second-cause beliefs.  We must move out of our false selves and allow our True Selves to lead.

We must follow our emotions to unveil our second-cause beliefs.  We take responsibility for our beliefs, let them go, and ignore the creations and beliefs of others who are lost.  This is how we regain our creative power.

If we organized the above pyramid based on creative power instead of physical power, the levels would be reversed.  Unconditional love has the most creative power.  Opposition has almost none; it’s only about survival.

Unconditional love is pure creative energy.  When the initiate reached that level, they were said to create as Gods.  Earth became their heaven.

Masculine and Feminine Roles In Service (Caregiving and Caretaking)

Love comes from within.

By Cathy Eck 

 

Caregiving and Caretaking

Did you ever notice that we use these two words interchangeably?   It doesn’t make sense because giving and taking are opposites.  So let’s take a deeper look into the original design of the role of care or service.

In the illusion, we focus attention on doing.  People rarely examine their reason, intention, or thinking behind doing — it’s usually to look good or get something in return.  Initiates focused exclusively on thinking.  In the true world, the reason is key; what we do is simply the effect of that reason (or belief).

Our inner emotional system was originally designed to feel peaceful and calm when we followed our True Self; but we were trained to mistake real calmness for the lack of fear that is achieved when we please our false Gods (authorities).

 

A little history (his story) of Give and Take

The sun was the ancient metaphor for God.  The sun gives light and warmth unconditionally.  Thus giving became associated with the sun.

The sun became associated with the masculine or assertive role in humanity (women play masculine roles too).  There were two widely-used metaphors for the feminine — the earth and moon.  The earth represented the feminine quality of absorbing the sun’s rays to creates new life (like human mating).

However, humans weren’t perfect like the sun; so the person playing the feminine role needed the ability to reflect masculine false love, beliefs, or thinking errors.  You don’t want to be absorbing false thoughts.  The moon was associated with emotions because when masculine thinking was wrongful, the feminine expressed or reflected emotions so the masculine could see his or her error and correct their mind.  This was co-creation at its best in that it created a perfect feedback loop.

In the beginning, none of this was about outer relationships.  Everyone has a masculine and feminine aspect to their own mind; life was about managing our inner relationship.  In that way, outer relationships worked also.

Later, the focus moved to outer relationships, and we lost the rulebook for our minds.  In relationship, one person or group plays the masculine role and the other plays the feminine based on who’s giving or asserting and who’s receiving (absorbing) or reflecting.

We play the masculine role when we sell something and the feminine role when we receive payment.  We play the masculine role when we buy something followed by the feminine role when receiving our goods.  We play the masculine role when we talk, the feminine role when we listen.  Roles change all the time.  Some roles are more permanent.  A rider is masculine to their feminine horse.  A guru is masculine to their feminine disciples.

 

It Gets All Screwed Up

When the masculine role is giving from pure intention with no beliefs (like the sun), then the feminine is peaceful, calm, and wise.  Like a wife/mother, the feminine has the innate creativity and wisdom to absorb the sperm and grow a baby.

Being born helpless and feminine causes distortion within our minds.  As children we always play the feminine role.  As adults, we must learn to step into giving, masculine roles.  Some adults don’t transition very well.  They give what they received, which is great if they were loved; but usually they give the same beliefs and suffering they received.  Adults often demand, manipulate, or play victim to get the love and attention they think they need or are entitled to.  Few people have a pure masculine mind that matches the unconditional sun.

 

Undoing the Confusion

We’ve forgotten the original design of masculine and feminine roles, and replaced it with a warped notion of service based on fixing effects.  We focus our attention on doing, and ignore our believing and thinking.  Someone is sick; so we give them medicine, cut out their organs, and hold their hand.  In the initiate’s world this was stupidity.  In the modern illusion, the one giving the service is now a caretaker labeled caregiver.  Doctors mostly function as caretakers that perpetuate disease for financial reward because they only fix effects.  When you give someone beliefs or support their beliefs, you take their power.  Caregiving means letting go of the belief in disease and freeing the person — not good for business.

The ancient people spoke of cursing.  To cure someone, the shaman found the source of the belief that caused the illness — this was always an angry, jealous, or  vengeful authority (words we also use for the false God).  The shaman would threaten the authority until they let go of their illness-causing curse (belief).  With the belief gone, the person healed.

Power struggles erupt between people when they hold beliefs about each other.  In a true relationship, both people focus on letting go of their beliefs.  Caregiving is about letting go and doing only what is inspired; caretaking means holding on to a belief, then doing something that appears to fix that belief for a benefit.  Caretaking steals power from others while appearing to serve them.

 

True Self Perspective

Like everything else in the illusion, the mess didn’t start out that way.  The True Self,  as the perfect masculine (true leader), was the giver of care (pure thought directed outward); the feminine receiver of care became the care receiver or caretaker.  Both roles were crucial for co-creation.  The caretaker absorbed the caregiving like the earth if it was pure.  They didn’t take the care if it was impure; they reflected it back to the caregiver who corrected their erroneous thinking.

When masculine and feminine roles were understood and applied, you never blamed the person playing the feminine role.  Punishing the feminine was breaking your own mirror, which was why it deserved seven years of bad luck.  Superstitions are just more level confusion.

True service is never about doing; it’s about giving pure thought.  When our thinking is pure, our caregiving is pure.  The caregiver and caretaker become one being — the perfect union where two become one.