Letting Go Leads to “I Never F**king Believed You Anyway!”

Hating from the Illusory Egg

By Cathy Eck

 

Am I Letting Go?

People often say to me, “I don’t know if I’m letting go or not.” That’s because letting go feels odd.  Holding on feels normal. Often knowing that we did let go is more about realizing that we didn’t hold on. It’s really that simple at times.

There are also occasions when someone cuts through a huge mental program. They feel unlimited for a little while, and now they want to hold on to that clarity and unconditional love.  We’re so trained to hold on.  But the truth is that we can’t let go of our True Self; and we cause problems by holding on to the false self.  Holding on never makes sense.

Sadly, the illusion has caused people to believe that if they let go, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will play; and Jesus will walk through their wall and kiss their feet.  That won’t happen; the false self never validates the True Self.

 

Quiet Art 

I want to share a great example of the calm, quiet art of letting go. This moment was particularly sweet; it demonstrates how our mind changes once we begin to break our false self away from our True Self.  These two mind components are meant to be separate. Western religious teachings about the soul combined these two mind aspects.  The eastern concept that everything is illusion discourages discrimination. Once our two minds start to separate, we get to a place that I call, “I never fucking believed you anyway.”

I was mentoring Jane (not her real name) on the subject of her sick cat.  She was in a damned if I do and damned if I don’t mindset. After letting go for a few minutes, she felt that she knew what to do.  She felt clear for a brief moment; then she said, “I feel guilty.”

To understand the next part of the interaction, you must understand how I mentor. Stupid as this might sound to those of you who are desperately trying to escape the feminine role, I purposely place myself in the feminine. I allow myself to feel as they speak. You see, being feminine isn’t bad when we can discriminate.  If they trick me, and occasionally they do, I’ve discovered yet another trick of the false masculine self that I must let go.

When someone is psychologically reversed, they speak words that are completely false; but they have no corresponding emotional reaction.  When that happens, I’ll feel the emotion they should feel. Their emotion is projected out.  I can then push them to revisit their statement. Oddly, Jane wasn’t psychologically reversed on this issue. Neither she or I felt emotion when she said, “I feel guilty.”  I said, “I don’t believe you. I don’t think you feel guilty at all.”

Jane has a great sense of humor and is super honest. She cracked up and said, “Your right. I thought I was supposed to say that.”  We both had a good laugh. You see, Jane was raised Catholic. She was taught that she should feel guilty every time she did something that her parents or religion didn’t like, which was often being her True Self.  She learned how to say the words, “I feel guilty,” and even act out the part of a guilty child. But there was a part of her, her True Self, that never believed the act.  Sadly, as time when on, she started to believe her own words; then she felt the corresponding emotions.

Jane had already let go of a lot of guilt-ridden beliefs in earlier sessions.  In this session, the belief that she should feel guilty showed up like a recording that she could play if an authority figure questioned her behavior. It had a purpose when she was younger; now it had none. It was easy for her to see that the belief was false because this time she saw it as a false-self act.

I’ve heard similar words from people who lost loved ones. They think they should display grief, but they don’t feel it. They put on an act; eventually, they come to believe their own act.  When I talk to them, I ask them if they really feel emotion; and they say no.  You see, we only feel emotion when we believe something false.  If we think only unconditionally loving thoughts for someone who leaves our life, we feel no emotion.  We might even feel blissful.  Emotion (or grief) means we’re thinking something other than unconditionally loving thoughts.  Perhaps, we’re fearing our future or feeling lonely — thoughts we should let go.  Society has many ways of convincing us that we should feel emotion when we shouldn’t and shouldn’t feel emotion when we should.  Oy vey!  This keeps the illusion, and our false self, thriving.

 

Giving the Projection Back

In Jane’s case, a priest or perhaps her parents might now be squirming with guilt that appears to have no cause.  Jane is no longer accepting their projection.  It has boomeranged back to the source. This is how the notion of karma started. It’s not a physical punishment for bad behavior.  It’s a mental condition whereby a projected belief gets returned to the source.  It’s divine justice.

Jane’s situation is common with emotions that we label shame, guilt, grief, fear of punishment, or retribution, as well as emotions like hope or excitement; they’re all emotions that usually began with beliefs in someone else’s mind. We either believed them because we felt we had to or because we wanted to.  We just forgot to let their beliefs go when they weren’t useful anymore.  But it’s never too late to let go.

Life would slowly return to perfection if those who held false beliefs also felt their own emotions.  We’d witness the true art of cause and effect as it was designed to be lived.  We’d all be creative and wise.  We’d no longer believe the illusion, and it would dissolve.  We’d all be free.

Blame, Shame, and Guilt: The Illusion’s Superglue

Blame, Shame, Guilt

By Cathy Eck

 

Most of us have been taught to take the blame for things that we didn’t cause when we were stuck in feminine roles.  We’ve been guilted or shamed; and we’ve been taught to please others, especially authority, even if their demands are ridiculous.

Blame, shame, and guilt are the Superglue of the illusion.  They don’t exist in the true world.  Therefore, with some discrimination and wisdom, we can free ourselves from them.

 

Blame

In the true world, there are no roles.  But roles dominate our social structure (the illusion), and that isn’t a problem as long as we honor the natural flow of the energy in the illusory roles we play.  Blame involves a reversal of the natural flow of masculine and feminine roles.

Normally, the masculine energy (intellect) holds the beliefs, and the feminine energy reflects those beliefs.  In blame, the masculine energy says that the cause of the problem lies with the person or people playing the feminine role.  Or sometimes, the person in the masculine role blames another masculine role (like Obama and Bush/Romney).

If we are in a feminine role in the illusion, we cannot be blamed unless the leader wasn’t really leading.  If the masculine role is leading from truth as it should, nothing bad can go wrong.  When things go wrong, it’s the leader’s belief that’s the cause, not the follower’s reflection of the belief.

Only the person in the masculine role can drop the causal belief.  The emotions and wild behavior, that often occurs in the people in the feminine role, are the effect of the false beliefs of the masculine.  When the mind of the authority changes, their feminine reflection changes.  To fix the feminine is to fix the effect.  To blame the feminine is to blame the effect.  It doesn’t make any sense.  But we accept this reversed way of thinking because we’ve been trained to.  Everyone in the illusion is breaking their own mirror.

If you blame the feminine, you can’t solve the problem.  The feminine doesn’t have the responsibility; it’s not the cause.  The child can’t fix their parent’s belief.  The employee can’t fix their CEO’s vision.  Church members can’t fix their preacher’s mind.  Citizens can’t fix their leader’s flawed perspective.  The feminine can leave when they’ve had enough, or they can let go and become the masculine.   Fighting (or war) happens when the feminine has had enough and tries to take the power back from the masculine. Crimes are often committed against someone who reminds the criminal of their hated masculine authority.  To fix problems, the authority, masculine role, must take responsibility, fix their own mental cause, and everything will go back to perfection.  But that almost never happens in the illusion.

Early Bible stories trained our western mind to reverse our natural cause and effect thinking.  Eve (feminine) got blamed for the fall.  Moses (masculine) blames his people (feminine).  When you understand the masculine-feminine relationship in the illusion, you can’t be fooled into taking the blame any longer.

This is also true within ourselves.  When something goes wrong in our life, the cause is in our intellectual masculine mind.  Our emotions are only the messenger — we should never shoot the messenger.  If we let go of our own causal beliefs, our emotions will calm down immediately.  But often our own inner mental masculine, just like outer physical masculine authorities, wants to be right at all cost.

 

Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are given to us by authority figures (masculine roles).  No one is born with guilt or shame.

These two emotional states can be difficult to let go because someone else imposed them on us.  Our mind says that we can’t let guilt or shame go; the authority must free us.  Since we’re lower in power (feminine) than the authority (masculine), we think that we don’t have the right or ability to remove the causal belief.  This is a disgusting trick of the false mind.  It can keep us stuck for a whole lifetime.

The True Self is not capable of doing anything wrong because right and wrong comes from the false self.  If we did make mistakes (sins), we did so because we were caught in the illusion, a false self.  We didn’t want a false self; our authorities gave it to us when they taught us their beliefs and said they were true.  Our false self was created in the image and likeness of our false authority figures.

I’ve followed many people’s guilt and shame back to the source; they all lead to a really powerful, but rigid, authority figure (usually religious).  Crime is not caused by evil people.  Crime is caused by the religious-perpetuation of the belief in good and evil and right and wrong. We see it because we believe in it.

 

Freeing Our Mind

In my experience, and I’ve done this hundreds of times, the person who is blaming, shaming, or guilting was projecting their responsibility, negative character trait, or belief on to the person in the feminine role.  Once we take the blame, shame, or guilt, they have no reason to ever fix their problem.  Their mind feels a sort of fake freedom.  That’s why when we let their projection go, they often react with lots of emotion.  That’s their problem. When you drop blame, shame, or guilt from your mind, your True Self can breath again.

If you are someone who thinks others should be blamed or shamed or guilted, you probably aren’t reading this blog.  But just in case you are, remember that when you point the finger at another, three fingers are pointing back at you.  The cause is within your mind; and if you let go, they won’t reflect you anymore.  Letting go is always win-win for everyone.

Projection, Responsibility, Abuse and Letting Go

Responsibility

By Cathy Eck

Sad Stories

The most common emails that I receive are sad stories.  Someone with lots of beliefs and issues, emotionally, psychically, or physically abused the person who wrote to me.  The writer feels stuck because the abuser won’t take responsibility for their actions.  They won’t apologize.  Maybe they won’t even admit that they did anything wrong.  Consequently, the writer can’t seem to leave the pain of the abuse behind.  Often they’re stuck because they’re focusing on the physical event itself instead of the beliefs in their mind before and after the event.

Freedom begins with taking responsibility for everything in OUR mind.  If we accept that we put beliefs in (even if tricked to do so), then we can take those beliefs out.

 

Abusers are usually fragile personalities that are quick to anger and slow to forgive.  Abusers are filled with beliefs.  Emotions arise within them (because of whatever they’re thinking), but they don’t recognize the connection between their thoughts and their emotions.  They’re sure the cause is outside of them.  If you happen to be nearby when they feel emotions, you’re the cause.

Prior to any abuse, abusers always say or imply something that causes their potential victim to lose power.  The abuser claims the masculine role.  If the potential victim believes the abuser, they fall out of their safe True Self into a feminine role within the abuser’s dangerous illusion.

For example:  “Put your hands up or I’ll shoot” is a statement that says, “I’m in charge here, and you’re feminine to me.  You must do whatever I say.”  Since most people are trained to drop into the feminine role on command, the abuser usually succeeds.

The abuser fails when the potential victim doesn’t drop into the feminine.  If the potential victim stays in their True Self, they’re inspired to speak the right words or take the right action to end the abuse.

I recently saw a robbery on television.  A robber walked up to a cashier with a gun and gave a command.  The cashier replied,  “I’ll give you what you want, but you must step over here.”  The cashier didn’t believe the robber’s command; he retained his power and remained calm.  Then the cashier threw a cup of spices in the robber’s eyes.  No one was harmed, and the robber left.  In the interview, the cashier said he was inspired to speak and act — that’s his True Self in control.

For thousands of years, humans have gotten stuck when cast in feminine roles.  Thus, people battle for masculine power.  However, true power comes from our True Self.  Here’s the key to staying in power:

Emotions are always a reaction to our OWN beliefs.  Other people’s emotions are their reaction to their OWN beliefs (not what we did or said).  

 

The robber was emotional.  The cashier recognized that the robber’s emotion-wrapped words weren’t true.  He stayed in his True Self where no one can rob or harm him.

 

The Powerless Feminine Side

We don’t come into the world armed with a rulebook of beliefs because beliefs are false — unreal.  We come in as True Selves.  But, we inevitably trigger the beliefs of authority figures early in life because we don’t know their rules or beliefs.  They punish, shame, or guilt us; or worst of all, they blame us for their emotions.

We accept that blame because they’re our authority figures; we’re supposed to respect and trust them.  We’re now living in their illusion where their beliefs and rules have power.

 

They Won’t Let Go

Many people spend their lives fixing their parent’s illusion.  That won’t lead to freedom.  Other people think they have to wait patiently until their abusers let go, apologize, or die; but that rarely happens.

Look again at our robbery example.  The cashier didn’t wait for the robber to change his mind.  He didn’t try to transform or psychoanalyze the robber.  The cashier simply took responsibility, didn’t accept the command (beliefs) of the robber, and never became feminine to the robber.  He stayed in his True Self, where he remained powerful and safe.

 

Practically Speaking

You go home to your parents for a visit, and your father says, “I don’t want you to move to LA.  I’ll worry.”   What he’s really saying is that you need to do whatever keeps me from feeling emotions.  You recognize that in order for that to happen, you’d have to move into a eight-by-ten cement room with no door.  You want to move to LA, but you don’t want your dad to worry.

At this point, most of us start trying to convince dad that we’ll be safe, and no matter what we say, he doesn’t hear us.  Or we get stern and take over the masculine role and say, “Sorry, I’m grown up now.  I’ll do what I want,”  which causes a power struggle.

What we don’t do is let go first.  Dad’s statement doesn’t feel good.  Therefore it isn’t the truth.  Now he may be a first-class master worrier in the illusion you share with him.  But his True Self doesn’t worry.  So if you let go, you’re not in his illusion anymore.  The conversation must shift.

If inspired, you offer a response after letting go that causes him to join you.  If not, you wait until he says something else.  “Your mother will cry if you aren’t around.”   He’s had some training in the black arts of guilt.  But you notice what he said doesn’t feel good.  You don’t believe it.  You stay in your True Self.  If you stay clear, something will shift in the conversation.  More important, you’ll remain free.

Power games occur only because we allow ourselves to be pulled into another person’s illusion.  Once we’re in it, it looks real.  We can’t be happy in another person’s illusion, and we can’t change their illusion.  But we don’t have to.  We just have to let it go; and return to our perfect life.

 

 

People Who Need People Are the Most Dysfunctional People in the World

Barbra Streisand

Barbra Streisand’s mega hit, “People,” gave fuel to the fire of codependence where needing and enabling join dysfunctional forces.

What Do We Really Need?

I’ll be honest.  I’ve always hated that song, “People,” by Barbra Streisand.  My mother was a huge Streisand fan, and she played that song over and over when I was a child.  Something about those words just didn’t feel right.

Then I became an adult, and I understood why.  People who need people are not lucky, they are dysfunctional.  That song is right up there with Jerry Maguire’s, “You complete me.”  They are sentiments that fuel codependency and living life as half of a person.

My mother-in-law loved when her kids were sick or had problems because they needed her.  That’s not loving, that’s dysfunctional.

My husband used to say, “I need you to greet me at the door when I come home.”  No he doesn’t.  He can like when I greet him at the door; but if he needs it, he’s dysfunctional.

I had employees that needed me to solve their problems; one day, I got so mad that I put up a sign that said, “I’m no longer your problem fixer.”  

Let’s get real.  We need air, water, and food.  That’s it.

Men say we need sex, but we don’t.  We won’t die without sex.  With modern technology, we don’t even need sex to reproduce.  Everything beyond food, water, and air is a want.  Wants are not bad and fulfilling someone desires can be fun, but we are manipulating others when we label our wants as “needs.

 

People Who Need People Have Baggage

People who need people are hungry for approval.  People who need people are lonely.  People who need people are sometimes incompetent.  People who need people fear rejection.  People who need people are often codependent.  People who need people are NOT lucky.  They are in need of mental healing, which is not a bad thing.  Pretending we don’t need healing when we do is a bad thing.

Codependence is a sneaky trick that our mind plays on us.  It pretends to be good.  There is a story about people with a giant pot of soup and spoons that are all too long.  It was said that in heaven, they fed each other.  In hell, they starved.  But why would you have spoons that don’t work in heaven?  The story is a mess.  A truly independent person would figure out a different way to hold the spoon.  They would go find a cup or scoop it with their hands.  This is simply another form of the same, “people who need people,” trap.

 

How Do People Who Need People Fix This?

Fixing the problem is not about being a martyr and doing without.  It is about recognizing the part of the need that is false, and letting that go.  When I believe that I need something from someone, I observe my mind.  I take my attention off the other person.  My mind wants to make the other bad for not fixing my need.  But they aren’t bad.  This is my baggage, not theirs.  Often I feel unloved, unheard, or unappreciated.  Everything my mind says feels bad.  That means it is not true so I let each thought go.  I am finished letting go when I can finally see that I don’t need the other to do anything.  I’m done when I unconditionally love them.

 

The Other Side of People Who Need People

People who need people often project their need out on to other people.  I’ve often felt as if I was being coerced into playing the need fulfillment role .

The needy person pretends to be in the feminine role; they want to receive.  But they are demanding receipt so they are really playing the masculine (assertive) role.  This is why codependence is so confusing.  The people who need people are the ones bringing the problem to the relationship.  But they make their request as if the person they need is the problem.

The feminine role is not about being a slave, caretaker, or about receiving orders; the feminine role is about receiving love.  Giving your need to someone to fulfill is not giving them love.

I’ll be honest.  When someone throws a need at me that isn’t real, I can’t bring myself to do it.  It is often infused with guilt or shame.  If I don’t respond to their need, they tell me that I’m selfish, bad, or someone who is rude and doesn’t care.  They are wrong.  They are playing a game invented by religion called, “Make the other feel guilt or shame for not doing what you want them to do.”

If we stay clear and don’t fix their need, we actually support the needy person’s spiritual growth instead of enabling them.  Enabling is not love; it is actually hate or fear disguised as love.

 

People Who Need People Signals Dysfunction

The more I let go, the less I need people.  This is because letting go eliminates problems, so you don’t need others to fix a problem you don’t have.  When you no longer need people, you can enjoy them.  You can dream with them.  You can play with them.  You can really listen to them.  You become truly functional.

There are people who need people who won’t let go of their need.  So what do you do?  You fix your own mind, and let them go.  You let go of your need for them in your life, and allow them to find someone else who wants to complete their dysfunction.  When it comes to neediness, sometimes the best love you can give is to leave the relationship.

People who need people can be like crabs in a pot, they don’t want you to get out of your shared misery.  Read more here.

 

Photo Credit: Al Ravenna, World Telegram staff photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons