Letting Go and Children

Masculine and feminine roles

By Cathy Eck

 

Masculine Role Teachers

Once we understand the illusion’s roles, letting go becomes easier.  New Age teachers, clergy, gurus, and pop psychologists are well meaning, but they don’t understand roles.  All the techniques taught in expensive workshops and self-help books came from people who managed to somehow get themselves into the masculine role.  The masculine role is funny.  You feel enlightened because suddenly the emotion leaves your body; it gets projected on your shadow — your students, employees, children, or followers.

The masculine role was designed so that the power was in the role.  That way, one could be a wimpy, little man and rule the world (think Wizard of Oz).  The masculine role is blind; they believe the shadow they see is real.  It isn’t.

Now you’ve entered a new chapter of life or you wouldn’t be reading this.  You’re letting go so you can remember your pure thinking.  If you turn your thinking into a system after you remember it, I’ll kick your ass.  I’m joking!  The True Self has no beliefs to impose on others, and they know everyone has the truth inside them.

 

Why?

Why did you look to those false teachers?  You were trained to do so as children.  You were raised by people who thought you’d be perfect if you thought like them.  That’s the blindness of the masculine role.   We learn it; then we do it to others who are feminine to us.

Today’s parents try to self-help their children.  They’re fixing their own projection.  Kids write to me and beg me to write to their parents.  But that’s not my job.  They must learn to let go from the feminine role.

 

Feminine Role Escape

The last thing to give someone in the feminine role is a masculine technique — like affirmations.  It won’t work for them.  They don’t believe they can change their mind because they’re stuck in a masculine shadow.  If they manage to drag that masculine ass to a self-help workshop, the masculine role will question their sanity.  The masculine mind views itself as positive and shiny already.  They already know this stuff.

The person in the feminine role will emotionally back up like a sewer because they’ll think they must be the problem; they don’t know what they’re doing wrong.  Their mind will run in circles.  They’ll take responsibility for what’s being projected on them, which gets them nowhere.

 

Religious Parents

Religious parents are masters of the false masculine.  The good parent (masculine role) projects their anger on the bad child (feminine role).  The kid goes to school and bullies (projects).  He gets a taste of the masculine role and does to others what was done to him.

The parents says, “I didn’t cause that.”  Yes, they did!

They caused it because they didn’t realize that their child was their shadow reflection.  As soon as the child can work his way into the masculine role, he becomes the good masculine and projects until he finds a mate — someone who can play his powerless feminine.  Roles aren’t true; but they get passed down from generation to generation as if they’re true.  To play the role of our parents feels satisfying because from the child’s point of view, we’ve made it into the role of authority.

Many children psychologically reverse their minds to be good (people pleasers).  They learn to do the opposite of what the parents and teachers are projecting.  They obey the words, and ignore the projection.  They take the parent’s control dramas and turn them into love.  They take punishment and turn it into discipline.  They often say things like “My parents did the best that they could.”  These people will unconsciously repeat the same drama with their children because they’ve relabeled it as good or right.  Once psychologically reversed, the illusory world doesn’t look up-side down anymore.  

There’s a huge price to pay for psychologically reversing our minds.  We can’t experience unconditional love.  I was married to a people pleaser.  When I finally could unconditionally love him and give him total freedom, he thought I hated him.  He was looking for the emotional connection he felt with his family of origin and the earlier version of me, and it wasn’t there anymore.  Emotions only exist in false-love connections.

 

The Exit Ramp

In the exit stage, we redefine roles.  We must become a strong and firm masculine leader to those in the illusion (often our parents).  We must support truth and expose falsehood.  This takes courage.

One Easter, we went to visit my in-laws.  One of my children was excited about the candy that was coming since my mother-in-law had been talking it up.  Suddenly I heard my mother-in-law reprimanding my child for jumping around.  She said, “I’m going to tell the Easter Bunny you’re bad — you don’t deserve candy.”  He looked at her so strange.  He didn’t believe in the Easter Bunny since I told my kids the truth — that it was a story.  But she spoke her words with such conviction that, for a moment, he questioned his truth.

I ran interference for him.  I explained to my mother-in-law that she held the Easter Bunny in mind as a lie — a means of control, not a cute story.  My son gave her a chance to correct her thinking, and she damn well better take it.  I wasn’t mean, but I was firm.  I explained to her that kids jump.  He wasn’t doing anything wrong; he was reflecting the contrived excitement that she projected on him.  She didn’t understand; and I didn’t care.  My child felt protected.

People raised in religion are taught that suffering or sacrifice is the way to God.  They often got punished as children for doing things that kids do.  As parents, they do what was done to them.  That’s sad, but it’s still wrong.  The best advice I can give any parent is before you discipline your children, take the mote your parent’s gave you out of your own eye.

 

 

 

Turning False Good into True Good

True good versus false good

By Cathy Eck

 

False Good or True Good

False goodness is a big trap on the road to freedom.   What people consider good according to social standards isn’t real goodness because it has an opposite.  It’s based on blindly following social rules.  Consequently, many people look good when they aren’t good; often those that look bad are much closer to their True Self.   We see and hear what’s on the surface; we feel what’s hidden underneath.  False goodness should always produce emotions.  It’s our signal that what we’re hearing or seeing is false.

Many leaders, marketers, preachers, gurus, teachers, and inspirational speakers know the power of the false good mask.  You might even have friends or family who have a good mask.  You actually do them and yourself a favor when you stop falling for their act.  But often we fear what lies below the mask, so we refrain from exposing their shadow.  In my experience, people usually treat false good people much better than they treat those who are truly good because they’re afraid of the masters of the false good mask.  Most people have a deep fear of good people that they ignore because it makes no sense.

If we’re truly observant, we’ll see that what society labels good is the removal or fixing of emotions, which we think happens by fixing the problems (effects).  Mom feels lonely, so we go visit her.  Our boss is worried about our low numbers, so we work harder.  We’re taught that emotions are bad.  If we eliminate another’s emotions, we’re good.

But that’s the giant error of the illusion.  Emotions are the messenger that points to wrong thinking (beliefs).  We’re trained to shoot the messenger and ignore the causal beliefs.  Fixing mom’s loneliness or our boss’s worries isn’t our problem.  We aren’t the cause of their emotions; their beliefs are.

 

An Example

Our friend, Jane, feels ugly.  She’s put on twenty pounds since her divorce.  Stress lines cause her to look older.  She believes no one will love her again.

Sally is her friend.  Sally listens to Jane and sympathizes with her.   Jane likes the attention of Sally’s sympathy.  So they bond over Jane’s problem.  Sally has been trained to be nice so she says, “Jane, you don’t look bad.  What’s not to love about you? You’ll find love again.”  She tells Jane what Jane wants to hear.  She might also give Jane some beauty tips.  Or perhaps she offers to do a makeover for her.  Sally appears good because she temporarily removed Jane’s emotions.

Sally’s behavior is socially correct.  But she doesn’t help Jane one bit.  In order for Sally to inspire or fix Jane’s emotions, Sally has to hold Jane’s problems and beliefs in her mind as true.  She’s actually feeding Jane’s false self while appearing to be good, nice, and supportive.   If she gives Jane advice, she’s feeding Jane more beliefs.  Likewise, giving Jane a makeover will cause Jane to feel good for a day or two, but it won’t cure Jane’s false belief that she’s ugly.  Only letting go of the false causal belief will cure Jane.  Then she won’t need Sally to inspire her or help her feel good.  And therein lies the problem.  When we fix the causal belief, we don’t need others.  Codependence disappears.  We’ve got no one to serve.

Sally has been trained that to be kind and to serve is good and righteous.  She feels good when she fixes Jane’s problem or offers advice because she tells herself that she made Jane happy.  She didn’t make Jane happy.  In truth, Sally covered up Jane’s emotional indicator.  She helped her to look away from the cause so now it’s unlikely that the problem will ever go away.

Of course, Sally does wish Jane well.  She did what she was trained to do; she was taught that good people inspire and serve others.  Real service and true good eventually puts the server out of a job.

When we open our eyes, we realize that what society labels good is actually harmful.

This understanding cures us of self-help gurus and expensive experts.  It isn’t anyone’s job to inspire or fix even one other.  But we can all help others to find their own inspiration and wisdom by pushing them to let go of their causal beliefs and by letting go of the beliefs we hold in our mind about them.

 

The Escape

More people are trapped by good than bad.   If we’ve gotten stuck in someone’s heroic mission, bought into their get-rich-quick scheme, or play the black sheep in our family, we have to find the beliefs in us that keep us stuck in their illusion.  We probably won’t convince the person with the good mask to free us.  Ask yourself: “What you think you need or want?  What are you hoping to fix?  What emotions are you trying to get rid of?  What do you think they can do that you can’t?”

If we fall for get-rich-quick schemes, we have a belief in lack.  If we’re desperate for a teacher or healer, spent lots of money on the psychic hotline, or have an addiction to self-help books, we believe that we don’t know the answer or can’t heal ourselves.  If we hold on to family or friends that mistreat us, we fear being alone.  Hidden beliefs are wrapped in emotions so it’s never comfortable to dive into them.  But when we see the beliefs and let them go, we’ve eliminated the cause.  We no longer need the product or service.  The solution will actually look worthless because it is.

We’re often labeled rude or uncaring when we stop blindly obeying the socially-defined good rules.  Those who win with the social system, have to make us wrong to keep themselves right.  But when we heal this confusion within ourselves, we become truly good and authentic — our own false good mask disappears.  Then we never fall for the illusion’s goodness trick again.

Projection and the Shadow

shadow

By Cathy Eck

 

Projection and the Shadow

People have become far too psychologically savvy.  That isn’t good because most people are very outer directed.  Instead of using psychological knowledge to fix themselves, they try to fix others.  Everyone’s giving advice — mostly bad advice that gets us stuck in the illusion.  Initiation was very different from modern psychology.  The high initiates, who had already purified their mind, mentored the lower initiates.

To understand projection, we must understand the idea of the personal shadow.  “Everyone carries a shadow,” Carl Jung wrote, ” and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”  Most people in power identify with good or right and project bad or wrong on to others.  Their blindness to their own faults is often misconstrued as self-confidence.Only an authority or masculine role can project; those in the feminine role receive. Thus children don’t project on parents or teachers.  Citizens don’t project on leaders. Employees don’t project on bosses.

What we call the collective mindset is determined by the elite.  Whatever beliefs they hold as true (and don’t identify with) will be projected out on to the world.  People see this as a conspiracy; but it’s just how projection works.  Most of them think their beliefs are right, good, and true.  They think they’re doing a great service, and the rest of the world is just inferior, stupid, or bad.

Jung also said that some people have a good shadow; they identify with the less desirable half of their personality and project their good qualities.  Often they think they’re being humble.  Some of the people I mentor have done this because they didn’t want to be like the assholes that played a masculine role in their early life.

In the illusion, we train people to be feminine from birth.  Our school and religious systems have one authority with lots of receivers of knowledge.  In most cases, questioning that authority was frowned upon. Our minds and bodies were conditioned to take in information without exercising discrimination if it comes from an expert (one who has knowledge).

When I started to understand discrimination, I struggled with the fact that my mind knew something was false, but my body received the information as if it were true.  I wasn’t my own body’s authority.  I was horrified.  We should all be the only authority of our body; it’s OUR body.  But I had accepted the projections of many seeming body experts.

Projection Defined

Jung defined projection:  “shadow, in being instinctive and irrational, is prone to projection: turning a personal inferiority into a perceived moral deficiency in someone else.”  In others words, what we see in others is actually in our own mind.

Initiation differs from Jung.  Most shadow work talks about embracing the shadow.  The initiates said to get rid of the whole false self — good and bad aspects.  That way, you’re left with just the True Self.  You can’t just let go of what you don’t like; you have to let go of the opposite that you do like to get to freedom.  People don’t like to do that.  For example, you have to let go of your own Tony Robbins style hyper-motivation before you’ll stop seeing lazy people everywhere.  You have to let go of your half-full persona before the half empties stop raining on your parade.

Projection defines the world we see.  The greater our power and the more we judge, the more we project.  If an authority sees their projection in another and convinces them that what they see is true, they can cause that person to be stuck in their illusion.  They’ll have power over that person whenever they push the button they installed.  We’ve all known people who can push our buttons.  They’ve simply installed a powerful psychological reversal button.

We can escape their illusion if we recognize that when the projector says “we’re lazy,” we feel emotion.  The emotion means their statement isn’t true.  Bigots and racists always see their own projection.  If we let their words go because they are untrue, the emotion usually reverts back to the projector.  The projector generated the emotion, in the first place, by thinking something false; so they deserve to have the emotion back.  Lying in their own sewage might force them to let go or to at least question their projection.  But don’t be fooled, they won’t go down easy.  Usually when they feel the emotion return to them, they’ll say you projected on them.  Often they will try to send the emotion back to you another way.  Ultimately we stop taking projections when we let go of beliefs.

Projection and the Masculine Role

The person projecting is always in the masculine role; they hold beliefs or a belief system that they believe to be true, and they usually blame the effect of their belief system on the feminine.  They don’t take responsibility for what they see in the world.  When we’re with such people, they often speak to us as if they’re talking to themselves; they are.

We don’t project from the feminine role; the feminine role has no power in the illusion.  But we become the target for the projection of the same sort of authorities.  They’re like heat-seeking missiles.

We won’t discriminate when projections come our way if we’re filled with beliefs.  We’ll accept their projection and then resent or hate it even if we know it’s wrong or bad.  We’ll waste our time trying to defend it, which only makes it stronger.

Projection only exists in the illusion.  The True Self has no beliefs that give power to experts or authority.  We see them as keepers of knowledge; and we aren’t interested in knowledge when we have our own wisdom.  Thus, as we let go, we move out of the illusion where everyone minds their own business and lives their own life.

 

Understanding Embarrassment, Shame, and Humiliation

Gorilla embarrassment smile

By Cathy Eck 

 

Embarrassment, Shame, and Humiliation 

Embarrassment, shame, and humiliation are the three evil cousins of letting go.  They appear, as we let go, in a very strange and confusing way.  Embarrassment, shame, or humiliation often arise after we’ve let go of lots of related beliefs or a complex belief system.  It feels like we’re embarrassed for being gullible or passing the beliefs we accepted on to others.  But that doesn’t make sense.  What we’re actually feeling is the memorized resistance from the person who imposed the beliefs on us.

When you let go of any belief, you also let go of your projection on anyone that you imposed it upon.  It’s the best gift that you can give to another — more freedom and more love.  No one gets harmed when you stop judging or limiting them.  So you wouldn’t feel embarrassment, shame, or humiliation because you let go.

 

Battling for Freedom

Embarrassment, humiliation, and shame are imposed upon us to get us to accept false beliefs and ignore our own True Self.  As we let go of another person’s beliefs in our mind, the memory of their authority within us starts unloading reasons to retain the beliefs.  We feel the same emotions that we felt when we first accepted their beliefs.  Sometimes it seems that the beliefs are arising in their mind, and they’re reinforcing them just as they’ve done in the past, bouncing the beliefs back in our direction.  In truth, the entire memory is within our mind, but it rarely feels that way.

I once played the feminine role to someone who saw his false beliefs as absolutely true, good, and right.  He was very nice, but most of it was a show.  He was very obedient to the illusion and status quo.  In short, he was a normal false self.

When I didn’t follow one of his rules, which was pretty much everyday, the rule arose in his conscious mind; and he felt emotion.  But he was psychologically reversed.  He didn’t see his rules as false.  Instead, he took the emotion that he felt as a sign that he was right, and I was wrong.  This might be normal thinking; but it isn’t natural and true thinking.  It’s the way of the false self.

He would then rise above his own false belief (and his related emotion) by reminding himself that he was good, and I was bad.  In other words, he moved to the good side of the bottom of the triangle.  Then he blamed me for his emotions to cement his false rightness — tossing me to the bad side of the bottom of the triangle.

I felt emotion as I received his false words.  I believed him only because I felt helpless to change his mind.  I felt stuck in his world.  I could have turned the embarrassment, shame, and humiliation back on him; but I didn’t want to.  He wasn’t bad or evil for having beliefs; he didn’t deserve punishment.  I had to find another way out of his illusory world of beliefs.

 

Psychological Reversal

Psychological reversal (believing false instead of truth) goes back to ancient leaders who trained our ancestors to believe that thoughts or beliefs that generate emotion are true.  That way they could lie to us.  Once learned, people passed the same perspective down to their children.  Leaders haven’t changed much.  Most are still psychologically reversed.  This is the cause of all problems, suffering, and disease.

If you’re stuck in a situation like I was, you know that convincing the person in authority (the masculine role) to change their mind is nearly impossible.  Usually they have lots of pride in their beliefs (another false state of mind).

In an ideal situation, the leader would let go of their beliefs when they saw emotions arise in those who believed them.  But most authority figures find it easier to keep convincing their believers to keep their belief than to let the belief go in their own mind and face their own masculine false god.

 

The Way Out

Eventually, I discovered that emotions tell us what is false within our own mind.  They guide us to the truth when we allow them to show us what to let go.

I’d let the rules/beliefs (and related emotions) go in my mind, and then they’d boomerang back with a memory that would cause me to doubt myself.  I’d see the lie within the memory, and I’d let go again and again.  I had to let go of each memory that came back until nothing remained.  You see, the person who wanted my obedience lived within my mind as a false voice of authority (masculine role) even though he was no longer in my life.  I had to clear out his voice by eliminating all the reasons (most of which involved shame, humiliation, and embarrassment) for believing him.

Each time I let go, it felt like I was battling my infector’s energy — the emotional current was very strong.  I had to witness the emotion, knowing it was false, until it dissipated.  I did this until I let go of enough reasons and memories that it all looked stupid.  Eventually, I was a fish that could no longer be hooked.

To get free, I had to stop looking at his rules through his false lens of good-evil, right-wrong.  I had stay in the natural perspective of true-false.  I assessed the truth of everything that he said based on whether it was win-win and lacked emotion.  If it wasn’t true, I let it go.  The embarrassment, shame, and humiliation disappeared once I realized that his beliefs (and rules) were all false.

As I did this, I grew in power.  I set myself free without any further need for battle.  I slowly became the one with all the power.  I didn’t become right and him wrong, I simply became True and free.