Love! The Most Confusing Word in the English Language

True Love

My daughter’s rescued dogs.

By Cathy Eck

 

Words are Crazy

I love the word fuck.  It’s so clear and versatile.  If I say, “What the fuck?”  You know what I mean.  If I say, “You look fucking gorgeous!”  We’re in harmony.  If I say, “Fuck you.”  You get my drift without any further explanation.

However, if I say “I love you,” now you’re confused.  Does she mean she like… really loves me?  Does she want to have sex with me?  An exclusive relationship?  To marry me?  Three little words, “I love you,” create more relationship confusion in one day than fuck has ever created — and people claim fuck is the bad word.  But don’t worry; fuck comes to the rescue.  If you say, “I fucking love you man.”  Now you are safe.  Confusion gone.

 

Love is Enough

Nothing feels worse than hearing someone say, “My love is not enough to….. (fill in the blank)”  The statement isn’t true.  But in desperate moments, those words often come out of people’s mouths.  They wonder if they’re being punished when they love something so much and can’t make it right or save it.  That’s love in the illusion.  If you choose to believe in it, you get the consequences.

Unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe.  I’m certain that it’s enough.  But love has been so watered down and so misused that it’s lost its incredible power.

Let’s start with romantic love.  We use the term “fall in love” for a good reason.  We take our whole True Self and cast it aside so we can be half of another person.  We define a good relationship as becoming more concerned over whether they like us then whether we like us.  Therefore, it’s also common to say, “I lost myself in that relationship.

We believe that strong emotions mean love.  But since you read my blog, you aren’t falling for that trick, are you?  The emotion is saying that what we’re thinking right now is false.  That’s all.  Emotional chemistry means that this person gets us to think a lot of false thoughts. True love is calm.  And sex should be the effect of love, not a synonym for it.

 

That’s Not Love

Some of you were raised by parents who told you that discipline was love.  My mom would smack us with her big wooden paddle and then tell us she did it because she loved us.  WTF?  That wasn’t true then and never will be true.  She was getting an emotional release because her thinking about us sucked.  That’s not love.

Then there are the people who think worry is love.  When we worry about someone, we’re projecting our fear on them.  That’s not love.

There’s the notion that sympathy as love.  When we sympathize with another, we’re believing the same lies that they believe making it harder for them to fix their situation.  Compassion, where we know they’ve just accepted a belief that isn’t true, and we know they can let it go, is equal to love.  Compassion comes from the True Self.

Controlling or fixing another isn’t love.  Someone who says, “I want you to read this self-help book because I love you.”  That’s not love.  While I freely express my ideas on my blog, I don’t even make my own kids read it.  It’s there for people who want it.  True love doesn’t need support or validation.

People equate love with doing shit.  That’s not love.  I’ve been told that love is thank you cards, cleaning, various activities, offering to buy dinner, hugs, visiting, calling, squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom, handing over the remote, etc.  I’ve been told that love is gifts, surprises, and the right words.  And I don’t believe any of it.  Fuck you Hallmark and 1-800-FLOWERS.

It’s all an issue of good old level confusion.  At the mental level, love is simply making sure that what we think of another when we think of them is loving and true.  When it’s not, we let go.  That’s it.  The mental level is what’s true.

People who feel inclined to follow the socially acceptable laws of love, as described above, view life from the physical orientation.  They often do nice things while talking about you behind your back or secretly hating you in the privacy of their mind.  They can look loving without really being loving.  If we’re honest and honor our emotions, we’ve known it all along; but usually, we didn’t want to admit it.

Humans spend their lives trying to get love when all we can control is our ability to give it.  In my experience, that’s enough.  When we get our mind clear enough that another’s false self has no power over us anymore, they’re really easy to love.  Our love power returns.

 

Unconditional love

Unconditional love is a nice word pairing — kind of like steak and Merlot; but most people don’t really know what it means.  We can’t do unconditional love.  We can’t figure it out.  We can’t pretend it.  Love doesn’t have power until it’s unconditional, and it isn’t unconditional until we let go of our false definitions of love.  Sometimes, that’s a long list.

False love is power over another — possession, fear-driven, and controlling.  It only has the power that we believe it has.  True unconditional love is a creative, healing, and unlimited power.  But we can’t fake it until we make it.  The way out is awkward, emotional, and often scary.

Often we wake up one day and realize that all the things we thought we loved about others aren’t real; their masks are covering something we don’t want to see.  But True love doesn’t turn away because when we remember another’s True Self by letting go of the false we see in them, we meet them at the True Self level.  Then we see our own reflection and it’s fucking awesome.   And I know that you know exactly what I mean.

What We’ll Do To Get Rid of Our Emotions

Emotions

By Cathy Eck

 

Releasing Emotions

People hate to let go of their seemingly good emotions, like excitement, hope, or pride.  “What would life be without excitement?,” they ask.  To get off the bottom of the triangle, however, we must let go of all the causes of emotions.  Excitement and anger are equally damaging effects of false beliefs.

When confronted with the notion of letting go … Actors fear losing their acting ability.  Artists think they’ll lose their creative edge.  People who believe they’re good fear they’ll lose their empathy.  Those addicted to romance believe emotional chemistry is love.  People fight to keep their emotions while simultaneously hating them.  The illusion falsely promises that it’s giving us what we can only get by letting go.

There are so many techniques to get rid of the emotions generated by our false beliefs.  Techniques like the Release Technique, EFT, and anything else that eliminates the emotion without removing the causal belief are popular.  But they don’t fix the cause unless you happen to let the belief go.

The false masculine eliminates unwanted beliefs that cause emotion.  They get it half right, and it would work if they had no psychological reversals.  They totally believe their view of life is the right view.  They forget to do the win-win test.  Karma might be win-win for a guru since he’s certain he has none.  But it imprisons billions of people.  The apocalypse might look win-win for Christian Bible Thumpers, but it sucks for the rest of us.  The false masculine holds themselves superior to the rest of the world.  In their eyes if we were all like them, earth would be perfect.  Can you see their delusion?

 

So Misunderstood

Emotions are so misunderstood.  Many take substances to eliminate emotions.  They keep jobs they hate or stay in bad marriages because the anger and pain they feel by staying where they are is less than the guilt, shame, poverty, or loneliness they believe they’ll feel if they leave.  

Some people create pain to get rid of their emotions, WTF?  Lisa Ling, reporter on Oprah’s channel, did a special on BDSM, Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).  When asked why they wanted to be dominated, beaten, and chained; the people said, “It feels good.”  They believe they’re releasing emotions.  Cutting is another way of trading emotions for pain.  

People use sports for emotional release.  They scream at their televisions or use their emotions as fuel when they play.  I used to run.  I pounded the pavement in anger and thought that was healthy.  Sex without love is a sport if desired, rape if undesired by one participant.  Neither sex nor sports are bad; but they’re not meant to be emotional release techniques.

People fight over stupid things or beat their children for emotional release.  They justify it as discipline; but in truth, they just want to release their emotions.

Some vomit their emotions into creative work which is a false-self creativity.  Artistic expression lives in the True Self.  Creative ideas require us to go through the darkness of the false self.  That’s why many great artists become crazy, manic, or suicidal.  But what if they could let go?  They could enter the darkness without a scratch.

 

Good Emotions?

The most ridiculous way to get rid of emotions is to relabel them good.  We feel waves of excitement when something good happens only to be disappointed when we don’t get what we want.  This produces addictions to food, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, parties, adventures, drama, workshops, healers and psychics, sex, religion, etc.  Life in the illusion creates the downward wave quite nicely.  We go to others or substances to pull us back up.  

Caretakers give outer care as well as a strong emotional projection.  People feel better when they serve because shit flows downhill.  Our unconscious masculine hates emotions; and it looks for victims to project its fears on.  People give to charity to feel prideful or eliminate guilt.  Charities represent the manifestations of our fears — the thing we want to see fixed in the world before it happens to us.    

Many spiritual teachers and religious leaders use talent or knowledge to claim the false masculine role and stay there.  They project their false feminine on followers.  They often don’t realize that they have God complexes, not God, in their masculine mind.  They believe they have the right to judge and punish their opposition — their own shadow — that would be us.  Most of us fear people with God complexes so we don’t challenge them.  If we do, we get what we expect — punishment, humiliation, or death.  This is why we’re often silent about things that truly matter.

In truth, emotions are all the same.  Labeling them keeps us stuck.  Emotional release techniques only create more confusion.  If we follow our emotions, they’ll  take us to the causal belief.  Once we understand this, freedom becomes possible.  Emotions go away naturally when we let go of the cause.  Our mind is a beautiful, organic system that leads us to the perfection that the illusion claims to be humanly impossible.

Letting go is compassionate.  I wanted to learn how because I didn’t want to project on others.  I didn’t want to explode on others.  I didn’t want to reflect their baggage.   I didn’t care to run anymore.  I just wanted to love and free others.

When tempted to seek emotional release or feed an addiction, first stop and ask yourself:  “What thought or problem am I trying to eliminate?”  Follow your emotion by witnessing it.  We listen and let go when we discover the causes.  As we practice letting go, we stop playing the “Pass the Emotions” game.

Even for those of us who practice witnessing our emotions and letting go, it isn’t fun when they arise.  But emotions are the guide on the path to the True Self — Heaven on Earth.  If you want that destination, you must take the path that goes there.

 

New Age, Self-Help, and Conspiracy Theory

Exposing Beliefs and Conspiracy Theory

By Cathy Eck

 

I spent this past weekend with a small group of amazing women who are totally committed to freedom.  They all displayed the kind of courage, radical honesty, and willingness to let go that really does change the world.

Each of these women had done their fair share of time in the New Age movement, dabbled in self-help, and even tasted the bitterness of religion.  The acceptance of New Age and self-help techniques seemed to repair the damage caused by religion.  It allowed them to feel balanced, but not free.  So we took a good hard look at how opposing belief systems keep us stuck.

 

His Story in My Life

I used to own a big private library.  I acquired my first self-help book about a year after I married a Catholic Italian.  Not having any strong beliefs myself, I saw beliefs as personal and not really that important.  I certainly wasn’t going to allow beliefs to get in the way of love.  But people with beliefs feel bonded with like-minded people; so I felt pressured to honor my husband’s beliefs.  I presumed that I was just keeping peace by giving in.  However, I was slowly giving his beliefs power in my own mind.  I was developing a yin for his yang false self.

With each Catholic and cultural belief that I honored, I acquired another self-help book.  I balanced his religious and cultural beliefs with other beliefs that appeared to neutralize the charges.  I accepted the self-help author’s projection of their beliefs because it felt like I was fixing my mind; but I was just putting more garbage into it. You can’t fix beliefs with more beliefs. Two wrongs don’t make things right; they make us stuck.

If I was positive, I wasn’t humble, obedient, and good.  I’d try to convince my husband that he was wrong.  But that didn’t work, so I’d obey his false god for awhile.  But then I wasn’t positive.  My mind was a fucking mess.

Everything that I write about on this site and Gateway To Gold were born out of my intense desire to free my mind.  I didn’t want balance — I wanted freedom.  I decided I would either get completely free or die.  But I would not create another false belief system to fix the false beliefs I had accepted. That meant that I had to discover how to let go.

 

How It Works

Any concept in the illusion has two sides; the True Self doesn’t have an opposite.  The New Age and self-help movements copied a very old trick invented by religion.  They take something from the bottom of the triangle and move it to the top (see above).  Now the True Self must move to the bottom.  What used to be true is now dual and false.

The triangle process will always get us to the truth.  If you want unconditional love.  You must see that our society put romance, caretaking, or two halves of a whole at the top of the triangle so that we’ll strive for that.  They define love by what you do.  Then they put hate and unconditional love at the bottom.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve truly loved someone unconditionally, and they thought I was hating them because I wasn’t agreeing with them or I didn’t do what they considered love.  They couldn’t feel my real love because they were looking for a gift, words that supported their false self, an action, or sex.

 

Conspiracy Theory

Conspiracy theory exposes this shift in the triangle.  People who detect conspiracy usually have a good sense of smelling the false.  But they go too far.  They turn what they see into a purposeful conspiracy.  In truth, people have no idea what they’re projecting because they’ve accepted the false triangle as the truth.  When we’re lost in the illusion, we always project an enemy.  We always think we’re good or right when we’re actually false.

Look at 9/11.  This was clearly George Bush’s projection.  He’s an Evangelical Christian who believes with all of his little pointy heart in good and evil.  He also sees himself as good, and his definition of good lives at the top of his Evangelical triangle.  His false God and his evil doers live at the bottom of his illusory triangle.  Evil shows up for him in the place where he isn’t winning — oil.

This was only his illusion, but he was the leader.  Our problem began when we believed his illusion.  Before every conspiracy type of event, there’s a grooming period where the authority sells their beliefs, usually with fear.  Once enough people accept the beliefs, the event occurs because we manifest it.  Everyone involved in 9/11 had the same false view of the world — it can’t be any other way.  The way to avoid these situations is to stop believing illusions, even if they come from authority.  We must remember how to discriminate between true and false.

The conspiracy theorists said 9/11 wasn’t real.  It was reality but not truth; it could only happen in the illusion.  Nothing in the illusion is true; it’s only the projection of a leader’s own enemy.

Conspiracy theory solidifies the illusion if we think we have to fix it, fight it, or if we think it was purposeful.  Once the conspiracy theorist exposes the illusion, their work is done.  If we let go, the leader’s projection boomerangs back to them.  We don’t have to do a thing.

We can look cold-hearted when we don’t empathize with people caught in illusory tragedy; we can look unsupportive if we don’t believe the latest self-help/New Age scheme.  But what we don’t let go will continue to manifest.  Balancing belief systems does no good.  In fact, the self-help/New Age movement created more chaos, more conspiracy, as people projected their evil and negativity on to others under the guise of spirituality.  We’ve tried it all, and it hasn’t made the world any better; now we must let it all go.

How Do You Know if it’s True Love?

Unconditional love Sun

The sun symbolized unconditional love in the ancient world because it gives without conditions.

By Cathy Eck

Knowing True Love

Love is a very confusing subject.  We talk about “falling” in love as a good thing.    People attach sex, romance, and chemistry to love, which nearly guarantees our fall.  One thing for sure, true love is never found in the traditional ball-and-chain relationship.  True love is like the sun; it is what we experience when we give  unconditionally.

I have to admit, “falling” in love took me on a giant life detour.  I buried my True Self with beliefs in relationship.  But one day, I could no longer pretend that fallen love was the real deal.  I wanted only True Love, and I was willing to do what it took to find it.  I didn’t yet realize I had it all along.

 

False Love Languages

Recently, Oprah interviewed Gary Chapman, the best-selling author of “The Five Love Languages.”  His book sold millions of copies; people credit it with saving their marriages.  However, Mr. Chapman has a severe case of true love and false love level confusion. The book should be called, “The Five False Love Languages.”

You take a questionnaire to find your love language — or what you need to feel loved.  Then your partner is supposed to give you what you need, i.e., speak your love language.  The author said the best question to ask your partner is, “What do I need to do to fill your love tank?”  To me that sounded more like a question a perverted gas station attendant would ask.

The love languages were as follows:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Undivided Attention

Gifts

Doing Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Here’s the key.  Our natural true masculine state of being gives unconditionally (like the sun); our natural true feminine state reflects (moon) or absorbs (earth).  We all have both masculine and feminine aspects within our minds that ideally work together.

In relationship, we play the masculine or feminine role; we project the other role out and interact with it.  If the one in the masculine role is giving true love, the feminine reflects it back.  The love continues to flow endlessly.

In true love, our True Self gives what we love to give.  If we’re joyous, we give joy.  If we’re wise, we give wisdom.  If we are spontaneous, we share our spontaneity.  If we’re funny, we make the other laugh.  The love we feel in this giving is the reconnection of two True Selves (often called soul mates), each playing a different role.  This giving is effortless; we don’t wear out giving our True Self because it is unlimited.

We actually feel love when we give it; but our false self tells us we feel it when we receive it.  

This is where people get confused.  You can see this clearly in the parent-child relationship.  When the baby first arrives, you feel so much love because you see only perfection in the baby even though the child is just eating and pooping.  You give unconditional love to the child.  They reflect your true love back.

Since you feel love, you think the child is giving love to you.  But what you’re feeling is the purity and lack of emotion that occurs when you think loving true thoughts.  You don’t yet have beliefs about the child.

 

Why Does True Love End

Eventually, the child does something that we label “bad,” and they feel the disconnection from the parent.  They eventually find the key to fixing that disconnect and that becomes part of their love language.  Maybe they hug the parent, now hugs mean that everything is okay.  We are connected again.  Love goes from unconditional giving to fixing the lack of love with behaviors.  If love morphs into sacrifice or duty, we’ve about hit bottom.

“The Five Love Languages” provides a fix for this false love dilemma.  The test exposes the childhood wound that needs fuel.  So if the person fills our empty tank with a kind word or touch, we feel loved for a little while.  But just like our gas tank, it will soon be empty again.

 

Fixing the Cause

We hug the person at intermittent intervals and this fixes the effect (empty tank) instead of the cause (childhood wound).  But come on, is that hug really love or is it just socially-acceptable manipulation?

The initiates said that it’s stupid to fix effects.  They’re right.  Do you really want to fill tanks with gifts, touches, doing laundry, or words of affirmation for the rest of your life?  Most of us do until we just can’t do it even one more time; then we run like hell, die, or wake up.

The goal of initiation was to live a life of unconditional love.  When the initiates reached this state, they were said to be like Gods (or like the sun).  They were powered by fuel that never runs out.

Initiates never played games; they’d never be half of a whole.  Two initiates would be two whole people that make more than the sum of one plus one.  They would be a creative partnership where each wants what the other’s True Self naturally gives.  When you step on the path of initiation, you stop filling tanks.  But you will help another heal their wounds and return to true love.

The good news is that you don’t need to know anyone’s love language because that isn’t true love anyway.  True love is natural, and we never get tired of expressing it.  The more we give true love, the more true love we feel.  That is because true love was perfectly designed to be felt when we gave it.  In that way, the love you feel is only limited by your beliefs, which limit your capacity to give.  That is insanely fair because everyone can give unconditional love, even when they are completely alone.

 

photo credit: Kuzeytac (will be back soon) via photopin cc