The Host Parasite Relationship

Host Parasite relationship

By Cathy Eck

 

The Host

I never thought much about the notion of hosting until visiting Ecuador for a few months. I considered the woman who owned the home I stayed in to be my host.  Ironically, I started having problems with my internet provider during that time; of course, they were my “hosting” company.  The odd thing was that my hosting company was perfect until I went to Ecuador.  Clearly an old belief was coming up for releasing.

I decided to review my memories around hosting in general.  Many memories surfaced, and all were the same situation with different people.   I’d meet someone in my home or a neutral place, and we’d get along great.  Then they’d invite me to their home where they were the host.  Now I couldn’t stand them.  I felt as if they gave me food and wine in exchange for the whining that I would endure until I could politely escape their house of horrors.  One of these people even said to me, “Now you’re on my turf.”

The host role is a masculine role.  The true masculine host gives unconditionally.  The false masculine host looks like it gives when it actually takes like a parasite; it gives conditionally.

 

Host and Parasite

The word host has an opposite or a complement, depending on how you look at it — parasite.  Wikipedia says, “The host and parasite exert reciprocal selective pressures on each other, which may lead to rapid reciprocal adaptation.”

Humans shouldn’t be adapting to each other’s false selves.  Sadly, most relationships have a fragile quality to them.  Everyone behaves like tightrope walkers focused on holding the delicate balance.  People adapt to the most fragile ones; and everyone is secretly miserable.

A whining host behaves like a parasite, sucking the life out of its guests.  As a false masculine, they establishes the tone of the experience for everyone.  The false masculine commands the power and control of the masculine role while also receiving the benefits that belong to the feminine role.  Consequently, people seek the spotlight in the home or the stage.  They get the power, and they get the attention and/or money too.  They often label that win-win.  Those of us in the feminine role label it lose-lose.  We have no power; and we receive things we don’t want.

My internet hosting company pretended to serve me.  But they sent me crap that shut down my computer and websites.  I felt that I had to protect myself from my own host.  Ah, I was now seeing the pattern.  I felt the same way when visiting these hosts — like I needed to protect myself.  Since I’m not a fan of wrapping myself in white light, I wanted to find out how I ended up in this situation over and over.

Power in the illusion requires getting others to submit to or follow the leader’s beliefs so they can get what they want.  If you look at royalty, they give nothing; they have all the power, and boy do they receive.

Both of my hosts wanted me to listen to their self-inflicted problems and feel sorry for them.  I was supposed to marinate in their crap and not hold them responsible.  I had to pretend the cause of their problem was a mystery.  I had to pretend that they were a victim.  As a good guest, I was supposed to follow this social norm.  It was time to let that go.  I’d had enough.

 

The Escape

We generally feel powerless in the feminine role.  We’ve been trained that we can’t or shouldn’t get the masculine host to change.  But I’ve discovered that when I completely let go of my feminine role in any drama (including my emotions), the scene does change.  When I let go of my feminine role in my relationship with the host, I moved beyond roles (or into a True Masculine place from their point of view).  Now I only had to make sure that I didn’t judge or label them.  I had to make sure that I was speaking truthfully, not grabbing the stage.  Frequently, the host would relax; and our conversation became light, creative, and fun.  They became a proper host.

If they just wanted power and control over me (or still thought they did), they’d try to see me as the problem — a parasite.  They wanted their beliefs or drama validated.  They were now feeling the emotions that they were previously projecting out by whining.  The angst was where it belonged, with the whiner (parasite pretending to be a gracious host).

I’d often get trapped at this point because they thought that I was causing their emotions.  If I didn’t say anything, they’d often say, “Are you doing something to me?”  Often I’d doubt myself.  Was I the cause?  We live in a strange world where we believe we can say horrible things without paying a price.  And when held accountable, people blame the listener or questioner for the emotion they feel.

When I encounter new belief patterns, I go back into my memory and replay old situations with my new understanding.  I see the memory as it was; but this time, I also let go.  I don’t take in what the other people said; I see their beliefs as just beliefs — powerless, untrue, and certainly not who they are.  I watch as the situation changes in my mind.  It has to.  Of  course, it’s perfect in my mental workshop; but my repaired memories become my new history.  This sets the tone for my future real life exchanges.  Yes, we can change the past.

Eventually, in my mental workshop, I saw that the human opposite of host wasn’t parasite; it was guest.  The host now unconditionally gave; and I, the guest, joyously received.  Ironically, once I did this inner work, my Ecuadorian host fixed up my room.  She started to give to me in many ways.  And my internet hosting company took responsibility and fixed their problem.

Living the Masculine and Feminine Roles in Relationships

Earth as a mirror of our mind

By Cathy Eck

 

Getting Right Inside

I usually discuss the masculine and feminine related to roles; but the masculine and feminine are actually aspects of our own mind.  The correct inner relationship manifests correct outer relationships.  However, most people live as if the outer world and relationships create their thoughts.  They live life backwards.

In order to let go, we must move our attention inside of our mind.  We must take our focus off the belief-generated illusion and other people; we become inner directed.  Don’t confuse this with introversion.  Inner directed means our attention is on our OWN mind, not other people’s minds.  It means constant discrimination.

Whether we’re male or female, we came hard-wired with a masculine and feminine mind aspect — once called God and Goddess within  (True Self).  Living as a True Self is only possible when we let go of everything false from our minds.  We’re left with only true.  We now create in the physical world using only first-cause thinking.

When we’re thinking true thoughts, our inner masculine and inner feminine harmonize as one.  Our mind is unified (top of the triangle).  These are our most creative moments.  Our inner God now loves unconditionally and thinks only the truth or first-cause thoughts; hence our inner Goddess is creative and wise.  Our life works.

 

Inner Relationships Create Outer Relationships

Jesus said (paraphrasing), “Don’t do shit until you find the kingdom of heaven within.”  That was damn good advice.  If our inner masculine mind is a giant mass of beliefs and knowledge, our inner feminine mind will be emotional and non-creative.  What’s inside our mind creates what’s outside of us if we hold a masculine role.  When we don’t hold a masculine role, then we’re lowly cast members in the stories of the people who hold the masculine roles.

The true masculine leader was modeled after the sun.  The sun gives light and warmth unconditionally.  It doesn’t check to see if we’re worthy of it’s gift or ask for something in return.  Likewise, the masculine sexual organ gives.  Thus the masculine role was considered a giving/assertive role.

The feminine role was modeled after the moon or earth to reflect or absorb.  The sun, moon, and earth were metaphors for the mentally oriented masculine and feminine.  We assume that the sun sends pure light; but humans in the false masculine role send fluorescent (fake) light.

If the masculine mind or leader is like the sun (true) and loves the feminine unconditionally, the feminine reflects that unconditional love back like the full moon, or the feminine earth absorbs the sun’s rays and creates life.  However, if the false masculine mind or leader projects judgment, criticism, or discipline on the feminine, the feminine reacts unnaturally with emotion, rebellion, problems, or disease.

The True Masculine lets go of any thought that causes emotion or limits the feminine (not win-win).  But the false masculine doesn’t let go.  It thinks its beliefs are right and true.  It projects the unwanted part of it’s divided (second-cause) thinking on to its feminine using blame.  It believes that it can think false and get true.  That’s ridiculous, but that’s what it believes; it calls it discipline.

If we all lived as True Selves, creating would be cooperative with two or more whole people creating more than the sum of the equal parts.  A common goal or desire would unite people — not their beliefs.  The leader would hold the vision for the group — not impose beliefs or rules on them.

 

Reality of Relationships

The True masculine role is mentally oriented; its pure mind never gets tired of giving.  What effort does it take to think truth or love unconditionally?

The false masculine, however, is physically oriented; a false masculine mind says to physically give, sacrifice, or serve.  The false masculine leader (or God/Lord) gives discipline, rules, and beliefs.  It gives conditional love (rewards) and punishment.

Thinking false thoughts is exhausting.  But the false masculine is cunning.  It makes the rules and convinces others to do it’s hard work with lies while it receives the benefits, power, and credit.  Rules are false; they shouldn’t be obeyed.  But we’ve been psychologically reversed to obey.

A powerful false masculine leader (like royalty or a billionaire) feels balanced.  But, they’re not.  They’re living the beneficial side of both roles.  They have no compassion for their projection — the people living the shitty side of both roles who have no power and no rewards.  Thus the successful false masculine leader often does a little charity work or service to mask their projection and look generous.

False masculine leaders have no reason to change their mind, so we have to transform ours.  When we let go of their beliefs/rules in our mind even if they’ve created our reality in the past, we move into the True Masculine role naturally.  The true leader is the person with the purist mind in any situation.  They have more power than the balanced false masculine; they can make everything right.

In initiation, we don’t fight for the masculine role or win it by education, expertise, or knowledge.  We simply let go of all of our beliefs.  We let go of allowing others to project or impose their beliefs on us.  We let go of our judgments of others.  Our mind becomes clear and pure.  Then we rise naturally to the true masculine role.  It’s so subtle that we hardly even know we’ve done it.

In initiation, this was called becoming the Christ or the Son of God.  In religion, it’s called impossible.  Religion worships the false masculine; the false masculine always has an enemy or opposite like Satan.  The higher the false masculine rises in the system, the more it’s attacked by Satan.  However, when the True Masculine takes the lead, the false masculine loses its false power; it retreats or submits because it’s finally feeling its own emotions.  It’s pulled inward.  Its lies no longer work.  The war is over.

Stay Out of Other’s Minds (We Aren’t Meant to be Psychic)

Psychic

By Cathy Eck

 

Psychic Studies 101

When I was in graduate school, I took a class in psychic studies.  I’d just read the book, “Psychic Discoveries Behind the Iron Curtain,” and I fantasized about being able to make better business decisions or being able to detect people’s hidden motivations.  In class, we did these creepy exercises where you extended your energy into the other person’s energy field.  Then you said whatever you heard in your mind.  I felt like I was sticking my hands in raw sewage.  When they connected with me, I was even more creeped out.   Fortunately, my grade was dependent on how well I wrote about my experiences and not my success rate.

Although, one day we had to guess where our teacher was.  He was hiding somewhere in the city.  Someone came into class and said to draw whatever we thought.  I thought of a giant dick so I drew that.   Turns out he was standing by the water tower above.  So everyone thought I got it right.

Another time, we had to do a reading about someone based on name only.  I decided to go ice skating and write whatever I thought about while skating.  I wrote about rats.  Turned out my person was kind of a rat, a shrewd business wheeler-dealer.  He also had rats in his NYC apartment.  But quite honestly, his last name sounded like a mafia name.  It was a great metaphor.

Was I psychic, or was I just fucking around and happened to get some things sort of right?  I vote for fucking around.

 

Battered Minds

As part of the class, we had to attend a “Battered Minds” group meeting — professional psychics who were stuck in victimhood because they saw a vision of something bad, like 9/11.  I got up and walked out after a few minutes.  They were all compulsive whiners.  They believed every emotionally wrapped thought that entered their minds; they had absolutely NO discrimination.  They thought everything was about them.

Clearly they tapped into the collective illusion and saw 9/11 or some other tragic event.  But was that helpful?  To me, it only proved that they believed the illusion to be true and unchangeable.  I didn’t want to marinate in their world view.  The illusion won’t disappear until we stop believing it.

The purpose of a prophet is not to tell us the future so we can sit in fear and wait until the dreaded prophecy passes, declaring said prophet right or wrong.  It’s to recognize where we’re headed and to drop the thoughts that are causing that unwanted future from the collective conversation.

Psychic Studies 101 was many years ago, and I’ve done a lot of discriminating and letting go since.  The ancient ones were right.  Everything is mind.  The best place for our mind to be focused is on itself.  If everyone let go of their own unwanted thoughts, the world would be amazing in no time at all.

Most people are highly focused on other people’s minds.  In fact, I’ve mentored people pleasers who admitted that they often get in other people’s minds so they know what to say to please them.  False minds analyze and hold onto other people’s thoughts in order to look good, stay safe, keep them in their life, or say the right thing.  Our false minds have gotten erroneously connected and intertwined; and that’s why we’re all so damn confused.

Our job is our OWN mind.  If someone else’s experience generates emotion when we hear them talk, then it isn’t true for us.  If they want to make it true for them, that’s their prerogative.  But freedom is about being a master of our own mind; and that requires minding our own damn business.

 

The Lesson

We were required to experience a bunch of personal readings during that class.  I taped them all.  A few years ago, I listened to the tapes one last time before I trashed my tape recorder and tapes.  More than a decade had passed, nothing in them came true.  Nothing!  These were professional psychics, not students.

The future that they saw had been wiped off my mental hard drive.  They were reading my false mind, and I’d let much of that go.  Most of them tapped into my false desires and told me what I wanted to hear.  They picked up on my false fears and told me that they wouldn’t happen.  They said what I longed to hear to sooth my crappy beliefs.  They also gave me reasons for things that were happening in my life — spirit attachments, angels, karma, or past lives.  That was all bullshit too.  False minds love reasons.  But reasons are worthless.  The false mind has got 99 problems, and it’s causing all of them.

Intuition is also a false self skill that allows us to work around our beliefs.  It’s very helpful in the illusion, but it’s worthless if our goal is freedom.  Inspiration is what we want.  Inspiration comes from our True Self.  It’s usually silent.  We just find ourself doing something without much thinking at all.

Quite frankly, I wanted psychic or intuitive power because I was afraid of my future.  I’d become accustomed to being blindsided.  I wanted advance warning to avert problems.  I no longer trusted my True Self to keep me safe.  I’d become afraid of surprises because they were usually bad.

What I really wanted was to purify my false mind and take what I got, knowing that it would be what I wanted, needed, and earned.   I didn’t want to have a concrete and perfect plan; I wanted to be constantly pleasantly surprised.  I didn’t want to see the crappy illusion and grab only the good stuff.  I didn’t want to will the world into submission.  I didn’t want to know people’s beliefs and say the right thing to please them.  Psychic Studies 101 was very interesting but truly worthless.  So I closed that door and got back on the path to freedom.

 

Who Is Hurting Whom? A Relationship Trap

Relationship problems

By Cathy Eck

 

Relationship Difficulties

The illusion is always backwards from the truth.  Once we’re lost in it, we can’t see the truth.  We’re filled with emotions; and we just want someone, anyone, to fix them.

Most arguments happen because one person or group wants others to eliminate their emotions or fulfill their false needs and wants.  However, if we meet another’s need or want, they aren’t likely to fix the cause.  They’ll just expected us to fulfill it again and again.  Inspirational speakers and clergy, advertising, drug companies, and traditional medicine and therapy all prey upon this aspect of the illusion.  We will come back again and again for a fix, and they will gladly continue to bill us.

Initiation saved me from this trap.  From the initiate’s perspective, relationship exposes the places that our false self still holds beliefs.  If someone can upset us, or we fear them, our false self is afraid of losing power to them.  They’re playing a masculine role in an illusion where we’re feminine.  If we feel we must control or fix others, we’re playing the masculine role.  In the illusion, of course, the masculine role appears to have all the power.

As we travel the path of initiation, we find it increasingly difficult to meet another’s false needs or wants.  We want authentic relationships.  Even money isn’t enough incentive to play a permanent false role in another’s life.  We want others to join us in freedom.  And often, we’ll try to convince them to let go.

We can look rude or uncaring when we suggest letting go or won’t do what they believe they want or need.  But once we see the world’s suffering as an illusion created by FALSE beliefs, we can’t pretend it’s true anymore.  We can’t feel good about fixing effects.   This is one of those awkward stages.  We find it hard to sympathize with their false problems.  We can’t condone their disempowering labels.  We often feel bad about this because we do care.

They think their beliefs, needs, and wants are real and won’t go away.  They believe what their mind tells them; they refuse to let go.  Usually, we can see that their problems have a payoff; they manipulate others to fill their deeper false need or want, such as loneliness, insecurity, or lack of love.  They create a false connection to others, which appears to sooth their separation from their own True Self.

 

A Simple Example

Your partner asks you to spend time with them.  You say, “No, I want to be alone tonight.”  So partner says, “So I’m not important.  You’re so hurtful.  You don’t care about me.”  Those are three imaginary false self statements.  Your partner is giving you reasons for why you said “No.”  But none of them are true; you know that.  Your partner, however, has deep loneliness at the core of their false self.   They don’t want to feel that loneliness and let it go; they want you to take it away.

Often our social brainwashing kicks in.  We fix their need; and we feel obligated to fix it.  Then we’ll get entangled in their illusive reality.  In time, we’ll resent them.

 

Who’s Hurting Whom?

Nothing has caused me more confusion and pain in my life than this confusing issue.  I can see the beliefs that keep others stuck, and I simply refuse to condone them.  But I’ve often been seen as rude and uncaring for exposing others’  beliefs.  Their false self would think I was trying to hurt them.

I lived in a world of people who were addicted to the illusion and wished me to grant them a moment of comfort rather than a life of freedom.  I simply didn’t belong.  My gift for freeing people was a curse in their illusion.  Beliefs are sacred in the illusion.  One who tries to change or eliminate them is evil.

I know I’m not alone.  Many people now see that freedom is the most loving thing we can give another.  And they, too, often feel like strangers in a strange world.

From the perspective of initiation, the general rule to see who hurt whom is to look at who’s generating emotions.  But people with giant false selves have become masters of the illusion.  They can often say something like our partner above without displaying any emotion.  That’s because they truly believe they’re entitled to our attention.  Their loneliness feels real, even infinite.  They have pride or rightness about their beliefs.  If we don’t see what they’re doing, we’ll drown with them.

If our partner was paying attention to their own emotions, they’d notice that none of their statements felt good.  They aren’t the truth.  They’re meaningless mind recordings from their past.  They’d let them go.  We wouldn’t have to fill their false need; they’d now understand us.  They wouldn’t attach false meaning to our words.  They’d thank us for helping them get closer to their True Self.

Our social customs are confusing because they focus on physical actions and not mental clearing.  Being there for another doesn’t mean listening to them dump baggage on us, soothing their emotions, or filling their false needs.  Our normal social customs create codependence, possession, and bondage; they don’t support truly loving relationship.  Gone too far, they can even lead to physical, emotional, and mental abuse.  Besides, our social customs are really expensive.

The ancient teachers taught that our false self wasn’t meant to be connected to others.  It was devised as an individual container so that we could create individually.  When someone says they need us, they’re trying to link false minds.  They want us to fix the effect of their beliefs.  They’re actually hurting us while saying we’re hurting them.  They want us to be half of an illusory whole.

Initiation is about undoing all of our false self connections and finding our true wholeness.  When we’re no longer linked to others via beliefs, needs, and wants, we’re free, and they’re free too.

 

The False Self as a Container and Level Confusion

beliefs separate

By Cathy Eck

 

We Are One

One of the most dangerous beliefs to come out of the New Age Movement is, “We are One.”  It’s hard to understand why this statement is dangerous because it’s true.  However, it’s only true at the True Self level.  When we put True Self thinking on top of false self beliefs, we create serious level confusion.  Our false self usually projects an opponent that we abhor, and we can’t escape them because our false mind thinks we’re one with them.

The last thing we want is oneness with other false selves.  If our false self believes in oneness, it will also become one with other people’s confusion, pain, or suffering; or it will take responsibility for things that we didn’t create.

Once we understand that our false selves weren’t designed to be one with other false selves, the process of letting go gets much easier and faster.  The false self is like a creative container.  In order to create anything, we do need some beliefs.  We hold the beliefs we need in our false self container while we create or co-create; then when we’re done with that creative act, we erase the container and start over.  This was called remaining a mental virgin in the ancient world.

Beliefs were never meant to be permanent.  The True Self holds that which is permanent or immortal; it can’t be erased.  Therefore, letting go of the belief in oneness is totally safe; and it can be life changing.

 

Mind As Computer

The computer is a near perfect analogy for our minds.  When we buy a computer, it comes with an operating system.  Everyone gets an  operating system.  You could say that computers are the same at birth.  But the operating system doesn’t do much; it only provides creative potential.  Likewise, our True Self is our mind’s operating system.  It provides the potential, but we need beliefs or programs to create.

Once we take over creative responsibility for our computer, we load programs, many of which we share with other users.  These popular programs could be likened to cultural or religious beliefs.  If we enjoy a particular program, we’ll want to study it or talk about it with others.  We might take classes in that program or join a user’s group.  We might not want to ever delete that program, but we can.  And, most important, we don’t have the right to sneak into another person’s office and install our program on their computer.  We must honor the privacy of  others and leave their hard drive alone.  Our passion is meant to fuel our own creativity — not to become an evangelist for our programs.

After loading programs, we add data, sound, and images that are uniquely our own.  In a short period of time, we won’t find another computer exactly like ours in all the world.  We can’t let go of the operating system or True Self because that would destroy our creative capacity.  But we have complete control over our hard drive (our false self).  We can add or delete programs and data as necessary depending on what we want to create and who we want to co-create with.

 

Back to The Mind

The data or programs we load into our false mind create uniqueness.  If we chose our programs carefully for creative purposes, we’ll love the focus and potential that our false mind provides.  We won’t feel separate from others because our True Self has oneness handled.  In addition, we’ll easily erase the beliefs when our creative focus changes.

But if we didn’t choose our programs, we’ll lack creative uniqueness.  We’ll only be able to copy others.  We’ll find it difficult or impossible to erase our hard drive.   We’ll fear that erasing the shared programs or data will produce loneliness (when the exact opposite is true).  Our perfect creative tool has now become a high security prison where the prisoners make sure that no one escapes.

If we’ve had controlling people in our life who thought they owned our hard drive, we’ll fear the programs (beliefs) of others.  We’ll fear that everyone wants to take over our hard drive.  When we fear that another can do such a thing, they do.  This is a huge problem in the world today.  Everyone is afraid of everyone else’s beliefs.  They keep trying to strengthen their firewall (boundaries) with more beliefs and programs.  They don’t realize that in order to fear another’s belief system, they have to hold it in mind.  If we let their beliefs go from our mind, we lose our fear of them.  Our immortal True Self provides far better protection than even the best program.

 

False Self Example

If my friend and I share a belief in hard work, and I delete my belief, her mental container remains unaffected.  I can’t delete beliefs from her mind.  But now I’m leading an easy life while she’s still working herself to death.  She could let go of her belief and join me, but she’s proud of her hard work ethic.  She gets approval for her martyrdom.  From her veiled perspective, I might look lazy or like I’m cheating at life.  I’m now her enemy.

The false self bonds or creates the illusion of oneness using beliefs.  It looks for like-minded people for comfort and security.  It wants other prisoners around it to validate its false rightness.  It feels lonely without like-minded support.

After letting go, we’re often tempted to turn back because those we care about believe we’ve abandoned, rejected or hurt them.  But we must keep letting go until we clear our mind completely and rediscover the place where WE REALLY ARE ALL ONE  — the place of no borders.  We didn’t abandon or reject them; they’re creating their own painful separation by holding on.  Once our own mind is free and our judgment gone, we can hold out our hand.  And often they reach up, grab on, and let go.  Now, WE ARE ONE.

 

The Path of Initiation: Thinking or Doing?

nitiation is a path of least action

By Cathy Eck

 

Initiation is a Mental Path

Initiation is a thinking (mental) path, not a doing path.  This can be confusing at first.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t mean that you won’t ever do anything again once you choose to move in the direction of initiation.  Initiation isn’t a path of contemplation or avoidance of activity.  The initiate simply gets his or her thinking correct before taking action.  If it appears that a decision needs to be made, they know they aren’t ready to take action.  The perfect path is always clear and obvious.

On the other hand, the illusion emphasizes doing.  We’re good if we work hard.  We’re good if we do nice things.  Religious people copy what Jesus did, without regard for how he thought.  They don’t notice that Jesus never took action without getting his thinking straight because he followed the path of initiate.

 

Doing

Let’s assume that we’re having a problem with another person.  The doing path will cause us to think that we need to say something to them.  We might think that we need to change our behavior or ask them to change theirs in order to fix the problem.  Worst case, we might manipulate or trick them into being or acting different.  We might use reverse psychology or behavior modification on them.  Any of these options amount to nothing more than fixing the effect.

Our society confuses doing with love.  People often write to me and say that their spouse doesn’t give them attention or their boss doesn’t appreciate them.  What we do is always an extension of what we’re thinking or what we believe.  If another person’s doing is an issue for us, then we must get to the cause of our discomfort (which is always in our minds).  We have to eliminate the thinking that’s causing the need or want that we believe the other should fill for us.  We want or need people to behave in a certain way when we have an emotional or spiritual void (always caused by beliefs).  We can let go of the causal belief and eliminate the void.

In masculine roles, we get angry when people reflect our unwanted or negative beliefs; we expect the people in our life to behave better than our own beliefs about them.  In initiation, we don’t break our mirrors.

 

Thinking

In initiation, we put right and truthful thinking first.  First of all, we need to know what we’re thinking about any situation.  Any thoughts that produce emotion are false even if they match our current reality.  Regardless of whether the thought that feels bad is about us, the other, or the relationship, we let it go.  The goal is to get our mind back to the truth.  This is much easier to say than to do.  Our minds are highly stuck on observing reality; we’re sure that whatever we observed or experienced was true.

For most of us, reality is simply an illusion produced by our beliefs.  We can only get to the truth, which is always positive, win-win, and good, by letting go of the unreal.  Eventually, our mind becomes peaceful and clear.  If at that point, we’re inspired to take action, it will be the right action for everyone concerned because it will come from a truthful and free mind.

Too often, we jump into action because we want things to be complete or resolved.  We just make matters worse.

 

Getting What You Need

Let’s look at another example.  We need to make some quick money.  We’re frantic that we’ll run out before money comes in.  Our knee-jerk reaction is to get a job, any job.  We take action after action only to get more and more confused and desperate.

Granted it isn’t easy to let go when we’re filled with fear, but it’s the most important time to do so.  In a situation like this, I give myself an entire day, and allow my thoughts to arise.  With each thought, I decide if that thought feels good or doesn’t feel good.  If it doesn’t feel good (has an emotional component), then I let it go.  Then I let the next thought arise.

If we can’t feel any emotions, we can create a quick mental image of a perfect work situation.  Then witness our thoughts.  If a thought arises that moves toward that vision, we keep it.  If a thought comes up that moves away from that vision, we let it go.  Remember, letting go just requires recognition that the thought is false.  Usually false thoughts feel bad unless we’ve trained ourselves to suppress our emotions.

If we do this process for an entire day, something will change.  we’ll have a much freer mind, more options, and our actions will pay greater dividends.  But it’s a rare person who can do this for more than a few minutes.  Most people will be surfing the internet or whining to their friends before long.  Others will wallow in their emotions and feel sorry for themselves.  These so-called normal activities all strengthen our problems.

 

Initiation and Payoffs

For initiation to work, we must eliminate all payoffs.  If we’re out of work, perhaps we don’t really want a job.  If we’re sick, we might be getting attention for it.  If we’re having relationship problems, we might feel superior to others when we play the martyr role.  Hidden payoffs can really get in the way of change.  We often won’t see what we need to let go until we release all the hidden payoffs.

Finally, we must be honest and ruthless with ourselves.  Avoid guilt, shame, or blame.  We don’t have to share what we let go, don’t have to make amends, and don’t even have to explain ourselves.  When we let go, the world changes.  Things take care of themselves because we’re no longer feeding the illusion.  Eventually, by letting go, all things can be made right again without anyone else doing a thing.

 

 

Projection, Responsibility, Abuse and Letting Go

Responsibility

By Cathy Eck

Sad Stories

The most common emails that I receive are sad stories.  Someone with lots of beliefs and issues, emotionally, psychically, or physically abused the person who wrote to me.  The writer feels stuck because the abuser won’t take responsibility for their actions.  They won’t apologize.  Maybe they won’t even admit that they did anything wrong.  Consequently, the writer can’t seem to leave the pain of the abuse behind.  Often they’re stuck because they’re focusing on the physical event itself instead of the beliefs in their mind before and after the event.

Freedom begins with taking responsibility for everything in OUR mind.  If we accept that we put beliefs in (even if tricked to do so), then we can take those beliefs out.

 

Abusers are usually fragile personalities that are quick to anger and slow to forgive.  Abusers are filled with beliefs.  Emotions arise within them (because of whatever they’re thinking), but they don’t recognize the connection between their thoughts and their emotions.  They’re sure the cause is outside of them.  If you happen to be nearby when they feel emotions, you’re the cause.

Prior to any abuse, abusers always say or imply something that causes their potential victim to lose power.  The abuser claims the masculine role.  If the potential victim believes the abuser, they fall out of their safe True Self into a feminine role within the abuser’s dangerous illusion.

For example:  “Put your hands up or I’ll shoot” is a statement that says, “I’m in charge here, and you’re feminine to me.  You must do whatever I say.”  Since most people are trained to drop into the feminine role on command, the abuser usually succeeds.

The abuser fails when the potential victim doesn’t drop into the feminine.  If the potential victim stays in their True Self, they’re inspired to speak the right words or take the right action to end the abuse.

I recently saw a robbery on television.  A robber walked up to a cashier with a gun and gave a command.  The cashier replied,  “I’ll give you what you want, but you must step over here.”  The cashier didn’t believe the robber’s command; he retained his power and remained calm.  Then the cashier threw a cup of spices in the robber’s eyes.  No one was harmed, and the robber left.  In the interview, the cashier said he was inspired to speak and act — that’s his True Self in control.

For thousands of years, humans have gotten stuck when cast in feminine roles.  Thus, people battle for masculine power.  However, true power comes from our True Self.  Here’s the key to staying in power:

Emotions are always a reaction to our OWN beliefs.  Other people’s emotions are their reaction to their OWN beliefs (not what we did or said).  

 

The robber was emotional.  The cashier recognized that the robber’s emotion-wrapped words weren’t true.  He stayed in his True Self where no one can rob or harm him.

 

The Powerless Feminine Side

We don’t come into the world armed with a rulebook of beliefs because beliefs are false — unreal.  We come in as True Selves.  But, we inevitably trigger the beliefs of authority figures early in life because we don’t know their rules or beliefs.  They punish, shame, or guilt us; or worst of all, they blame us for their emotions.

We accept that blame because they’re our authority figures; we’re supposed to respect and trust them.  We’re now living in their illusion where their beliefs and rules have power.

 

They Won’t Let Go

Many people spend their lives fixing their parent’s illusion.  That won’t lead to freedom.  Other people think they have to wait patiently until their abusers let go, apologize, or die; but that rarely happens.

Look again at our robbery example.  The cashier didn’t wait for the robber to change his mind.  He didn’t try to transform or psychoanalyze the robber.  The cashier simply took responsibility, didn’t accept the command (beliefs) of the robber, and never became feminine to the robber.  He stayed in his True Self, where he remained powerful and safe.

 

Practically Speaking

You go home to your parents for a visit, and your father says, “I don’t want you to move to LA.  I’ll worry.”   What he’s really saying is that you need to do whatever keeps me from feeling emotions.  You recognize that in order for that to happen, you’d have to move into a eight-by-ten cement room with no door.  You want to move to LA, but you don’t want your dad to worry.

At this point, most of us start trying to convince dad that we’ll be safe, and no matter what we say, he doesn’t hear us.  Or we get stern and take over the masculine role and say, “Sorry, I’m grown up now.  I’ll do what I want,”  which causes a power struggle.

What we don’t do is let go first.  Dad’s statement doesn’t feel good.  Therefore it isn’t the truth.  Now he may be a first-class master worrier in the illusion you share with him.  But his True Self doesn’t worry.  So if you let go, you’re not in his illusion anymore.  The conversation must shift.

If inspired, you offer a response after letting go that causes him to join you.  If not, you wait until he says something else.  “Your mother will cry if you aren’t around.”   He’s had some training in the black arts of guilt.  But you notice what he said doesn’t feel good.  You don’t believe it.  You stay in your True Self.  If you stay clear, something will shift in the conversation.  More important, you’ll remain free.

Power games occur only because we allow ourselves to be pulled into another person’s illusion.  Once we’re in it, it looks real.  We can’t be happy in another person’s illusion, and we can’t change their illusion.  But we don’t have to.  We just have to let it go; and return to our perfect life.