Freeing Yourself From a False Masculine Authority Figure

Freeing ourselves from roles

By Cathy Eck


You left home years ago.  You felt that you were now the creator of your own life. And yet, mom and dad keep showing up. You’ve married or dated them. You’ve seen your older kids acting like them with your younger kids, and you’ve even worked for them. You know their beliefs are false; so why are they still in your life?

We have to approach this problem the same way that we would view someone in a masculine role who keeps hiring irresponsible employees, has a wife that shops till she drops, and has kids who are addicts. We have to find out the beliefs that got them in this unwanted situation.



We don’t realize that within our minds both the masculine and feminine roles exist. In the physical world, however, we only play one role. We can’t play two roles at one time. So the masculine role in any situation projects the role that they don’t identify with.  This is why everyone wants those powerful masculine roles.

You see, there’s no unconscious mind. We see the contents of our mind every time we look at the world through the eyes of the masculine role. We view others as separate only because they’re physically separate.  False masculine projection in the illusion creates false-self connections. Ultimately, the false masculine wants possessions — obedient slaves and fans.

If we’re in the false masculine role, we project the feminine roles necessary to fulfill our needs — patients, customers, clients, servants.  We’ll tell ourselves we’re helping them.  But we’re projecting crap roles on those who are feminine to us.  We can clean up the mess quickly and easily.  If the person in the feminine role shops too much, we must realize that we want to buy more, but we hold back. We judge waste, or we think sacrifice is virtuous.  If we think our feminine is lazy, we probably fight laziness with our will.  We have pride in our overactivity.  We see the person in the feminine role as bad or wrong.  We would never be like them.  The payoff is we get to be good or right if we keep them on the hook.

If we’re in the feminine role, the masculine roles project on us. It feels like we have to wake his or her ass up to get free.  And yet, we can’t see how that’s possible.  Their judgment feels so damn strong.  In truth, we do have beliefs that got us into the feminine role as their reflection. We aren’t victims. But we have to understand how our mind holds the false relationship to get free.


File Storage

To solve this dilemma, I had to go back to my computer programming days. There are lots of files on your computer’s hard drive. To find a file, you must know its name. Search for the wrong name, and you won’t find that file.  Let’s say that you find the file, and now you want to delete it. You hit delete, and the program confirms: “Are you sure you want to delete ‘name of file.'” You respond “yes.”  You were able to delete that file because you knew you no longer needed it.  The same is true with our minds; we can delete a file when we’re clear it’s useless.

Let’s say your dad (masculine role) was a bigot. You observed his judgment from the feminine role and stored his bigotry under a file named something like, “Dad is a bigot.” Or, “Southern men are bigots” if you lived in the south and all his friends were bigots. Now you think, “I can’t delete that, it’s true. He is a bigot.” No, it’s not true. It’s real. Your dad has a True Self that’s not a bigot. For you to get free, you have to free him within your mind. If you let go of your observation of him, you won’t notice his bigotry any more. It will have the same feeling as talking about banana soufflé. We feel emotions when others speak falsely only if we believe them.

Let’s say dad had a belief that you’re lazy.  Determine how you stored the file. I discovered that my mind stored such information something like: “My dad believes I’m lazy.” When you find the right words, you’ll generally feel emotion arise.  The wrong words won’t bring up the emotion.

What people fail to realize about letting go is that to get free, we have to free every person on this planet that can generate an emotion in us. It’s daunting, I know. We’re turning everyone back into their True Self within our mind.  You’ll realize this when you completely adopt the mental perspective of life.  If you see something, and are bothered by it, you’re still contributing to it with a belief.


Important Caution

People in false masculine roles often feel no emotion when projecting.  They believe they’re really seeing the other person’s flaw because they see the other as physical only and separate; in truth, they’re seeing their own reflection.  If you’re in the masculine role, like parent to kids, teacher to  students, preacher to congregation, you’re always contributing to any false situation or problem, I.e., win-lose, good-evil, right-wrong, dominance-submission, etc. The masculine role is always responsible.  Just let go of what you see in the other.  Don’t take the credit for the shift.  You didn’t heal the person or situation; you simply stopped torturing them.

Projection makes letting go difficult, but not impossible. We have to decipher our role to find the causal beliefs — the file name. If you feel stuck, just vent to the wall or complain to your diary. You’ll say the belief. Then don’t fall into the trap of justifying your position; just let go. Freedom requires letting go of our false notion of justice, victim and perpetrator, and wanting punishment or retribution. We all deserve freedom.  We’re all victims of the illusion.

Why Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

By Cathy Eck

Actions Speak Louder than Words

In the true world, everyone’s congruent.  In the false world, people are incongruent; their words and actions cover-up their unspoken words (beliefs, judgments, and insecurities).

False powerful people need others to believe their actions and spoken words.  Like a good magician, they keep our eyes looking in the wrong place so we don’t see what lies hidden below their facade (their shadow).  We enable false authority figures like bad wives buying Vodka for their alcoholic husbands because we fear exposing the lies.  We believe false authority and give them our power, even when our emotions are warning us not to.  We’re programmed to do this.


Eliminating The Programs

We must uncover the places within our mind where our own actions speak louder than words (unspoken words).  When we clear out our own incongruence, our eyes open so we no longer fall for their magic.

Human minds are really good tape recorders.  They memorize information and spit it back out.  Just because we memorize something doesn’t mean we live it or even believe it.  Bible quoters are famous for this; they’re often breaking the very rule they’re quoting.  Their actions speak louder than words if we pay attention.  But their incongruence usually goes unchallenged because their spoken words are considered right; exposing their incongruent action feels taboo.

Our mind creates programs out of memorized data just like a computer.  The modern computer was made in the image and likeness of the human mind.

Let’s say you wrote a computer program for “looking good” as defined by society.  You need the program because you believe you’re bad.  The “looking good” program provides spoken words and actions that override the belief that you’re bad.  Bear in mind that you could eliminate the belief that you’re bad rendering the “looking good” program obsolete.  But often the “you’re bad” and the “looking good” programs are tightly wound together at the bottom of the triangle.  Your mental program might be something like this:

If someone enters the room, I must say hello. I must respect people who are older even if they’re wrong.  I must believe authority even if they’re wrong.  I must not say “No.”

If I’m too happy, I’ll get punished.  If I’m not in control, I’ll get punished.  If I’m playing a game, I must never win.  If I’m successful, I must downplay my success so I look humble and remain below my authority figures.  I must go to church every week, and donate….


The “looking good” program sits quietly within your mental computer.  If you look closely, your emotions aren’t working properly anymore.  They aren’t guiding you to your True Self.

If you follow the “looking good” program, you feel calm, unemotional.  If you rebel or ignore the “looking good” program, you feel bad (guilty).  This is what I’ve labeled “psychological reversal.”  Your emotions aren’t guiding you down your perfect path; they’re forcing you to obey your false God (the composite of your authority figures).

We often see people who are unemotional, and we think they must be their True Selves.  But often they’re just blindly following their own inner programs to the letter.  They’re highly psychologically reversed with great “looking good” programs.  They’re always very rigid and hold their beliefs as right.  Anyone who disagrees with them is just plain wrong.

Your authority figures also installed reward and punishment programs within your mental computer.  These programs say:  “If you don’t follow the rules, you’re bad.  People will scold you, tell you you’re bad and wrong, or hurt your body.  You deserve it.”  So when you break the authority’s rules, even in adulthood when the authority is no longer in your life, you punish yourself.

This is a real important issue for readers of this blog.  Most of you are already breaking the rules of your parents, teachers, and clergy.  You can’t help it because your True Self is calling you.  You know they fed you lies.  But you still have the beliefs and programs (rules, rewards, and punishments) inside your mind.  So when you move toward the truth or step on your perfect path, you’re simultaneously rebelling against your own false mind (false God), which punishes you accordingly.


Undoing the damage

We undo “actions speak louder than words” programs by questioning our own actions and spoken words.  It’s Sunday and you go to church because you fear punishment if you don’t make an appearance.  The fear arises, and going to church alleviates the fear; but going to church also feels bad because you’re overriding your True Self with someone else’s beliefs.  Jesus called this worshipping two masters.

If you peek under the rug (the action or the proper spoken words), you find the belief (the inner words) that says you must go to church.  Beliefs often have “must” or “should” in them.  The True Self doesn’t demand.  Often you’ll remember the authority who installed the rule in your mental computer.  You’ll feel the emotion that you felt when you accepted their belief, as well as more emotion for each time you followed their belief.  The emotion you feel is proof that the belief isn’t true.  You’ve been following a belief that didn’t feel good because you feared punishment that didn’t exist except in the mind of your authority figures.

Truth always lacks emotion.  If you witness (observe) the belief and emotion with the recognition that their false, they’ll go away.  Your True Self dissolves beliefs this way.  But it can take awhile, so don’t rush it.  It’s gone when you clearly see the truth and feel calm.


In Summary

Before you do any unconscious action, stop yourself and ask, “Why am I doing this?”  You’ll find your causal beliefs this way.   You unknowingly accepted the beliefs/programs, and you can now take them out.  Then, you’ll no longer need the actions.  In fact, they’ll look silly.  Your actions will match your spoken and unspoken words.