By Cathy Eck
Embarrassment, Shame, and Humiliation
Embarrassment, shame, and humiliation are the three evil cousins of letting go. They appear, as we let go, in a very strange and confusing way. Embarrassment, shame, or humiliation often arise after we’ve let go of lots of related beliefs or a complex belief system. It feels like we’re embarrassed for being gullible or passing the beliefs we accepted on to others. But that doesn’t make sense. What we’re actually feeling is the memorized resistance from the person who imposed the beliefs on us.
When you let go of any belief, you also let go of your projection on anyone that you imposed it upon. It’s the best gift that you can give to another — more freedom and more love. No one gets harmed when you stop judging or limiting them. So you wouldn’t feel embarrassment, shame, or humiliation because you let go.
Battling for Freedom
Embarrassment, humiliation, and shame are imposed upon us to get us to accept false beliefs and ignore our own True Self. As we let go of another person’s beliefs in our mind, the memory of their authority within us starts unloading reasons to retain the beliefs. We feel the same emotions that we felt when we first accepted their beliefs. Sometimes it seems that the beliefs are arising in their mind, and they’re reinforcing them just as they’ve done in the past, bouncing the beliefs back in our direction. In truth, the entire memory is within our mind, but it rarely feels that way.
I once played the feminine role to someone who saw his false beliefs as absolutely true, good, and right. He was very nice, but most of it was a show. He was very obedient to the illusion and status quo. In short, he was a normal false self.
When I didn’t follow one of his rules, which was pretty much everyday, the rule arose in his conscious mind; and he felt emotion. But he was psychologically reversed. He didn’t see his rules as false. Instead, he took the emotion that he felt as a sign that he was right, and I was wrong. This might be normal thinking; but it isn’t natural and true thinking. It’s the way of the false self.
He would then rise above his own false belief (and his related emotion) by reminding himself that he was good, and I was bad. In other words, he moved to the good side of the bottom of the triangle. Then he blamed me for his emotions to cement his false rightness — tossing me to the bad side of the bottom of the triangle.
I felt emotion as I received his false words. I believed him only because I felt helpless to change his mind. I felt stuck in his world. I could have turned the embarrassment, shame, and humiliation back on him; but I didn’t want to. He wasn’t bad or evil for having beliefs; he didn’t deserve punishment. I had to find another way out of his illusory world of beliefs.
Psychological reversal (believing false instead of truth) goes back to ancient leaders who trained our ancestors to believe that thoughts or beliefs that generate emotion are true. That way they could lie to us. Once learned, people passed the same perspective down to their children. Leaders haven’t changed much. Most are still psychologically reversed. This is the cause of all problems, suffering, and disease.
If you’re stuck in a situation like I was, you know that convincing the person in authority (the masculine role) to change their mind is nearly impossible. Usually they have lots of pride in their beliefs (another false state of mind).
In an ideal situation, the leader would let go of their beliefs when they saw emotions arise in those who believed them. But most authority figures find it easier to keep convincing their believers to keep their belief than to let the belief go in their own mind and face their own masculine false god.
The Way Out
Eventually, I discovered that emotions tell us what is false within our own mind. They guide us to the truth when we allow them to show us what to let go.
I’d let the rules/beliefs (and related emotions) go in my mind, and then they’d boomerang back with a memory that would cause me to doubt myself. I’d see the lie within the memory, and I’d let go again and again. I had to let go of each memory that came back until nothing remained. You see, the person who wanted my obedience lived within my mind as a false voice of authority (masculine role) even though he was no longer in my life. I had to clear out his voice by eliminating all the reasons (most of which involved shame, humiliation, and embarrassment) for believing him.
Each time I let go, it felt like I was battling my infector’s energy — the emotional current was very strong. I had to witness the emotion, knowing it was false, until it dissipated. I did this until I let go of enough reasons and memories that it all looked stupid. Eventually, I was a fish that could no longer be hooked.
To get free, I had to stop looking at his rules through his false lens of good-evil, right-wrong. I had stay in the natural perspective of true-false. I assessed the truth of everything that he said based on whether it was win-win and lacked emotion. If it wasn’t true, I let it go. The embarrassment, shame, and humiliation disappeared once I realized that his beliefs (and rules) were all false.
As I did this, I grew in power. I set myself free without any further need for battle. I slowly became the one with all the power. I didn’t become right and him wrong, I simply became True and free.