By Cathy Eck
Words are Crazy
I love the word fuck. It’s so clear and versatile. If I say, “What the fuck?” You know what I mean. If I say, “You look fucking gorgeous!” We’re in harmony. If I say, “Fuck you.” You get my drift without any further explanation.
However, if I say “I love you,” now you’re confused. Does she mean she like… really loves me? Does she want to have sex with me? An exclusive relationship? To marry me? Three little words, “I love you,” create more relationship confusion in one day than fuck has ever created — and people claim fuck is the bad word. But don’t worry; fuck comes to the rescue. If you say, “I fucking love you man.” Now you are safe. Confusion gone.
Love is Enough
Nothing feels worse than hearing someone say, “My love is not enough to….. (fill in the blank)” The statement isn’t true. But in desperate moments, those words often come out of people’s mouths. They wonder if they’re being punished when they love something so much and can’t make it right or save it. That’s love in the illusion. If you choose to believe in it, you get the consequences.
Unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe. I’m certain that it’s enough. But love has been so watered down and so misused that it’s lost its incredible power.
Let’s start with romantic love. We use the term “fall in love” for a good reason. We take our whole True Self and cast it aside so we can be half of another person. We define a good relationship as becoming more concerned over whether they like us then whether we like us. Therefore, it’s also common to say, “I lost myself in that relationship.”
We believe that strong emotions mean love. But since you read my blog, you aren’t falling for that trick, are you? The emotion is saying that what we’re thinking right now is false. That’s all. Emotional chemistry means that this person gets us to think a lot of false thoughts. True love is calm. And sex should be the effect of love, not a synonym for it.
That’s Not Love
Some of you were raised by parents who told you that discipline was love. My mom would smack us with her big wooden paddle and then tell us she did it because she loved us. WTF? That wasn’t true then and never will be true. She was getting an emotional release because her thinking about us sucked. That’s not love.
Then there are the people who think worry is love. When we worry about someone, we’re projecting our fear on them. That’s not love.
There’s the notion that sympathy as love. When we sympathize with another, we’re believing the same lies that they believe making it harder for them to fix their situation. Compassion, where we know they’ve just accepted a belief that isn’t true, and we know they can let it go, is equal to love. Compassion comes from the True Self.
Controlling or fixing another isn’t love. Someone who says, “I want you to read this self-help book because I love you.” That’s not love. While I freely express my ideas on my blog, I don’t even make my own kids read it. It’s there for people who want it. True love doesn’t need support or validation.
People equate love with doing shit. That’s not love. I’ve been told that love is thank you cards, cleaning, various activities, offering to buy dinner, hugs, visiting, calling, squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom, handing over the remote, etc. I’ve been told that love is gifts, surprises, and the right words. And I don’t believe any of it. Fuck you Hallmark and 1-800-FLOWERS.
It’s all an issue of good old level confusion. At the mental level, love is simply making sure that what we think of another when we think of them is loving and true. When it’s not, we let go. That’s it. The mental level is what’s true.
People who feel inclined to follow the socially acceptable laws of love, as described above, view life from the physical orientation. They often do nice things while talking about you behind your back or secretly hating you in the privacy of their mind. They can look loving without really being loving. If we’re honest and honor our emotions, we’ve known it all along; but usually, we didn’t want to admit it.
Humans spend their lives trying to get love when all we can control is our ability to give it. In my experience, that’s enough. When we get our mind clear enough that another’s false self has no power over us anymore, they’re really easy to love. Our love power returns.
Unconditional love is a nice word pairing — kind of like steak and Merlot; but most people don’t really know what it means. We can’t do unconditional love. We can’t figure it out. We can’t pretend it. Love doesn’t have power until it’s unconditional, and it isn’t unconditional until we let go of our false definitions of love. Sometimes, that’s a long list.
False love is power over another — possession, fear-driven, and controlling. It only has the power that we believe it has. True unconditional love is a creative, healing, and unlimited power. But we can’t fake it until we make it. The way out is awkward, emotional, and often scary.
Often we wake up one day and realize that all the things we thought we loved about others aren’t real; their masks are covering something we don’t want to see. But True love doesn’t turn away because when we remember another’s True Self by letting go of the false we see in them, we meet them at the True Self level. Then we see our own reflection and it’s fucking awesome. And I know that you know exactly what I mean.