Eliminating the Masculine and Feminine Roles

masculine and feminine roles

By Cathy Eck

 

Roles Aren’t True

In the last few posts, I’ve explained the masculine and feminine roles within the illusion.  Remember, roles hold the illusion together.  There’s no such thing as roles to the True Self.  Roles are real; they do exist in the illusory world.  However, they aren’t true.  This is good news; it means that we can let roles go.

The false self depends on roles; it has endless tricks to get people into roles where it can win, dominate, and be good or right.  If we aren’t aware of the purpose of roles, we fall prey to them.  We end up losing without even knowing we were competing; we submit to others who aren’t true leaders, or we look bad or wrong.

Our goal in initiation is to get back to the time before we got stuck in roles.  Of course, we received our first role the moment we were born — daughter or son.  Many people never escape that role.  They’re still submissive to their parents on the day they die.  Thus, they never live their own life.

 

Breaking Free of Roles

Recognition:  The first step is recognizing that we’re stuck in a role.

Masculine or feminine:  It’s important to determine whether we’re playing a masculine or feminine part.  Sometimes, it’s obvious.  Other times, we aren’t sure and must look for subtle clues.  Our body gives us clues through pain, disease, or symptoms.  Actions also speak louder than words.

Ghosts:  In feminine roles, we often feel oppressed.  But the oppressor or controller isn’t always who we think.  False minds don’t want us to find the real cause.  

My ex-husband believed I was controlling him, but I wasn’t.  I wasn’t willing to accept his beliefs as true, and to some false selves that can seem controlling.  But I wasn’t demanding or needy.  In fact, as I let go, he came to have so much freedom it was like he wasn’t married; but still he insisted that I was controlling him.  Eventually, I could see that it was his mother’s voice that was dominating him, not mine.  He just couldn’t see through his own veil of beliefs.

Roles are Mental:  The roles we see in the world are the effect of the roles we hold in OUR OWN mind.  If we feel controlled by someone, that’s because we still hold controlling authorities from our past in mind.  My ex-husband felt controlled by his own inner feminine (formed by his mother).  Whatever I said or did passed through that filter and tainted his hearing and vision.  He never heard me; he heard his mother’s voice replaying old tapes.

Make roles about roles, not about people who play them:  When we cast someone in a role, we’re holding them hostage.  My experience as a character in my ex-husband’s illusion created the desire to help others who feel stuck in someone else’s illusion to escape.  I never wanted another to go through that pain and confusion.

Step Back:  People playing the masculine role seldom have an incentive to let the role go.  They’re usually winning, looking good, and getting to be right.  Of course, their victories are illusory; but the world believes them.  They get approval, attention, and rewards from their roles and labels.  We can escape their illusion once we understand how to let go of beliefs.

We must realize that the roles that others play in our life exist as potentials in our mental drama.  We appear to be victims in the illusion; but we aren’t.  We’ve simply accepted beliefs that allow the roles to perpetuate.  Most of those beliefs come from religion, cultural traditions, or social conventions.  They’re beliefs that most don’t even question.

For example:  “I should listen to others.  Emotions are bad.  I should be nice to my authorities.  I can’t tell another that their belief is false.  If it happened to them, it could happen to me.  I can’t correct authority.”  In my case, the main belief that kept me stuck was a feminine role — a false perception of wife.  With each belief I let go, the false authorities in my mind lost more power until I could no longer play the false wife role.

Do the Process:  Once we find the belief, we’re only half way there.  Often people stop when they find the belief because of another belief that says, “Now that I found the cause, I’m free of the belief.”  This is common in the new age and creates projection, not release.  Denying a belief, excluding ourself, or choosing a new belief is NOT letting go.

To drop the belief, we must recognize the pain it has caused.  We must witness and release the emotion the belief generated, and we must realize the emotion is saying the belief isn’t true.  It may have been real in our past; but it wasn’t true.  The belief isn’t just false for us.  It’s false for everyone.  This is often hard to do.  If we’ve been pressed underneath an authority’s illusion for decades, we don’t feel like letting them off the hook.  But it’s worth it.

When we’ve completely eliminated a belief from our mind, we don’t experience it in the world anymore.  Now we can help others let go because we can discriminate again.

We must let go of any beliefs that say we need to believe others, especially authority.  False selves will do their very best to convince us that their beliefs are true.  The false self fears death.  Exposure is its kryptonite.  It tries hard to stay hidden beneath an acceptable mask.

Wash, Rinse, and Repeat:  If the stain doesn’t come all the way out,  keep letting go until it’s gone.  In this work, a belief is gone when you no longer see evidence of it.  It’s gone when you don’t fear it.  It’s gone when you know it’s false.  Persistence, honesty, and courage are the qualities that will take you all the way.