Love! The Most Confusing Word in the English Language

True Love

My daughter’s rescued dogs.

By Cathy Eck

 

Words are Crazy

I love the word fuck.  It’s so clear and versatile.  If I say, “What the fuck?”  You know what I mean.  If I say, “You look fucking gorgeous!”  We’re in harmony.  If I say, “Fuck you.”  You get my drift without any further explanation.

However, if I say “I love you,” now you’re confused.  Does she mean she like… really loves me?  Does she want to have sex with me?  An exclusive relationship?  To marry me?  Three little words, “I love you,” create more relationship confusion in one day than fuck has ever created — and people claim fuck is the bad word.  But don’t worry; fuck comes to the rescue.  If you say, “I fucking love you man.”  Now you are safe.  Confusion gone.

 

Love is Enough

Nothing feels worse than hearing someone say, “My love is not enough to….. (fill in the blank)”  The statement isn’t true.  But in desperate moments, those words often come out of people’s mouths.  They wonder if they’re being punished when they love something so much and can’t make it right or save it.  That’s love in the illusion.  If you choose to believe in it, you get the consequences.

Unconditional love is the most powerful force in the universe.  I’m certain that it’s enough.  But love has been so watered down and so misused that it’s lost its incredible power.

Let’s start with romantic love.  We use the term “fall in love” for a good reason.  We take our whole True Self and cast it aside so we can be half of another person.  We define a good relationship as becoming more concerned over whether they like us then whether we like us.  Therefore, it’s also common to say, “I lost myself in that relationship.

We believe that strong emotions mean love.  But since you read my blog, you aren’t falling for that trick, are you?  The emotion is saying that what we’re thinking right now is false.  That’s all.  Emotional chemistry means that this person gets us to think a lot of false thoughts. True love is calm.  And sex should be the effect of love, not a synonym for it.

 

That’s Not Love

Some of you were raised by parents who told you that discipline was love.  My mom would smack us with her big wooden paddle and then tell us she did it because she loved us.  WTF?  That wasn’t true then and never will be true.  She was getting an emotional release because her thinking about us sucked.  That’s not love.

Then there are the people who think worry is love.  When we worry about someone, we’re projecting our fear on them.  That’s not love.

There’s the notion that sympathy as love.  When we sympathize with another, we’re believing the same lies that they believe making it harder for them to fix their situation.  Compassion, where we know they’ve just accepted a belief that isn’t true, and we know they can let it go, is equal to love.  Compassion comes from the True Self.

Controlling or fixing another isn’t love.  Someone who says, “I want you to read this self-help book because I love you.”  That’s not love.  While I freely express my ideas on my blog, I don’t even make my own kids read it.  It’s there for people who want it.  True love doesn’t need support or validation.

People equate love with doing shit.  That’s not love.  I’ve been told that love is thank you cards, cleaning, various activities, offering to buy dinner, hugs, visiting, calling, squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom, handing over the remote, etc.  I’ve been told that love is gifts, surprises, and the right words.  And I don’t believe any of it.  Fuck you Hallmark and 1-800-FLOWERS.

It’s all an issue of good old level confusion.  At the mental level, love is simply making sure that what we think of another when we think of them is loving and true.  When it’s not, we let go.  That’s it.  The mental level is what’s true.

People who feel inclined to follow the socially acceptable laws of love, as described above, view life from the physical orientation.  They often do nice things while talking about you behind your back or secretly hating you in the privacy of their mind.  They can look loving without really being loving.  If we’re honest and honor our emotions, we’ve known it all along; but usually, we didn’t want to admit it.

Humans spend their lives trying to get love when all we can control is our ability to give it.  In my experience, that’s enough.  When we get our mind clear enough that another’s false self has no power over us anymore, they’re really easy to love.  Our love power returns.

 

Unconditional love

Unconditional love is a nice word pairing — kind of like steak and Merlot; but most people don’t really know what it means.  We can’t do unconditional love.  We can’t figure it out.  We can’t pretend it.  Love doesn’t have power until it’s unconditional, and it isn’t unconditional until we let go of our false definitions of love.  Sometimes, that’s a long list.

False love is power over another — possession, fear-driven, and controlling.  It only has the power that we believe it has.  True unconditional love is a creative, healing, and unlimited power.  But we can’t fake it until we make it.  The way out is awkward, emotional, and often scary.

Often we wake up one day and realize that all the things we thought we loved about others aren’t real; their masks are covering something we don’t want to see.  But True love doesn’t turn away because when we remember another’s True Self by letting go of the false we see in them, we meet them at the True Self level.  Then we see our own reflection and it’s fucking awesome.   And I know that you know exactly what I mean.

The True Masculine Role (How It Looks)

Leading

By Cathy Eck

 

It’s hard to explain the power of the True Masculine role, mostly because there aren’t many good examples.  The masculine role is the role that has fallen; and it took the feminine right along with it.  Sadly, the fallen masculine leader tries to fix the feminine, its own reflection, instead of looking in and fixing the cause in its own mind.  This keeps everyone stuck.

 

Know your Role

The first step to owning the True Masculine Role in your own mind and life is to always know your role in any situation.  I’ve written plenty about that.  Sometimes the role is obvious.  But sometimes, it isn’t.

For example, in two people of equal status, the one speaking is the in masculine role; the listener is feminine.  We also have tricky ways of getting into the masculine role.  If we see the world as positive and negative, the most positive person will tend to have the masculine role or higher status.  In a spiritual or religious group, the good person will take the lead.  In the illusion, the one who’s right or wins takes the Grand Puba position.  Conscious of this or not, we’re always looking to get that coveted masculine role.

If we can’t win fairly, we might trick the person into giving up their power; or the relationship might be one long power struggle.  Nothing is off-limits in the illusion.  It’s all about the drama.

 

True Masculine

The True Masculine is like the sun — unconditional, expressive, and giving.  Giving is key; too many men want the masculine role so they can receive.  That’s not how it works.  In the True Masculine, there’s no hidden agendas — no masks.  We don’t need a mask to give, to express our True Self.  We only need a mask when we want someone to give to us who doesn’t want to.  Then we’re weasels wearing the mask of a good person.

A religious leader is giving a sermon on obeying God.  They’re a false leader.  They’re looking at the congregation and saying, “You need fixing.  You’re all disobedient.”  But wait, he’s in the masculine role; if he’s seeing disobedience, guess where it is — in his OWN mind.

The husband looks at his wife and sees a bitch.  The question he must ask is what beliefs is he holding about her.  She’s the reflection; he’s got the cause in his mind.  Or perhaps he’s not giving her unconditional love; he’s trying to get attention, sex, his way.  In the illusion, the feminine role reflects what you give.  You give shit; you get shit back.  Deal with it.

The mother looks at her child and thinks he’s lazy.  No, he’s not.  She’s holding her hard work ethic as true when it’s just a belief.  The child is showing her what she fears — who she would be if she didn’t put on her show as a hard worker.

The false masculine fixes the effect of their mental projection, and then sends the projection a bill or punishment.  The reflection always has a WTF look on their face.  I write this blog primarily for those in feminine roles with WTF looks.  But they will escape one day; and then I hope they’ll use what they learned to become the True Masculine that they never knew.  Revenge is never sweet.

 

Hints for Success in the Masculine Role

1)  Shut the fuck UP!  I mean that.  Just let go of what you see in the other that you don’t like or is false.  When we’re in the masculine role, we have the power.  We also love to spew our knowledge all over the place.  But the wisdom is in the feminine role.  We don’t need to train the feminine to follow our rules or think like us, we just need to stop projecting on them.

2)  FEEL!  What you’re thinking about the person in the feminine role does generate emotion in YOU.  You’ll feel it if you stop thinking — get out of your head.

3)  WIN-WIN!  Notice that if they accept your way of thinking, you’ll win or be right, but they’ll lose.  When a True Masculine leads, everybody wins…and I mean everybody, everywhere.

4)  Stop thinking about the other.  Stop giving status reports or reasons.  Stop prophesying what you believe the person will do next.  Just watch your own mind, and let go of what’s false, which is probably everything.  If you have to, lock yourself in a closet.

 

It’s a Dance…

When I was in my twenties, I went to New York City a lot for business.  I always went dancing after work (and drinking).  One night, Teddy, a really chubby, short guy with super thick glasses and the worst hair, came up and asked me to dance.  Teddy asked a lot of girls to dance, but no one said, “Yes.”  I wasn’t looking for a man; I was married.  So I wasn’t sizing up his looks like the single girls.  When I hit the floor, I had one of those American Idol moments when Simon Cowell would go “Holy Shit.”  This guy was an amazing dancer.  He was smooth and light.  But he was also a very powerful leader.  Under his lead, I didn’t need to think — I could just reflect.  I seriously “had the time of my life.”  For the first time, I realized the awesomeness of being cast in a pure feminine role with a True Masculine in the lead.  Reflecting can be really fun.

Every time I went to New York, I’d go dancing with Teddy.  Eventually, we both changed jobs and lost touch.  But I’ll never forgot what it felt like to dance with someone who not only knew he could dance, but also knew that I could dance.  That’s the best analogy that I’ve ever found for the True Masculine.  S/he not only has self-confidence and self-trust, but they have confidence and trust in those who are feminine to them.  They see everyone else as their reflection; and their reflection is perfect.

 

How to Make It Our Own — Find Our Place in the World

Nicola Steffanina

By Cathy Eck

 

People often ask me, “If we want to do what you do, how can we make it our own?”  That’s tricky to answer because you can’t make what I do your own; that’s not how life works.

In the illusion, we think that becoming a practitioner or teacher of information/knowledge is the purpose of life.  But that’s a false-self purpose.  It never provides the freedom, joy, or harmony with others that we want.

 

UNIQUE POINT OF VIEW

Like so many other topics, we must blame level confusion.  Everyone’s purpose is to first find their True Self.  Then we have our own answers to everything we need or want to know.  We aren’t interested in other people’s knowledge anymore; we sure as hell don’t want to teach or practice it.  What I do is original for me; however, it becomes knowledge for anyone else because it isn’t their own.  We must first remember our own unique point of view by letting go of our false self.  Then ironically, we won’t want to make what someone else does “our own” anymore.

I mentor people who want to write.  I recommend they write whatever they’re thinking.  If it isn’t original, then they take a sentence/paragraph, let go of the beliefs around what they wrote, they rewrite, and let go again.  If they keep doing that over and over, they’ll eventually find their OWN voice.  When our writing, art, music, inventions, decorating, etc. come from our True Self, they’ll carry the stamp of our unique point of view.

 

MAKE IT OUR OWN — MENTAL LEVEL

Sometimes, people try to find their own expression by taking a little from this teacher and a little from that teacher.  That isn’t their own.  We aren’t compilations of other people’s minds; that’s a false self.  We can’t learn to be our True Self.

Often people ask about combining what I do with Reiki, therapy, religion, or something else.  That will never work — never — never.  Those are all belief systems.  If we completely let go, we’ll let those belief systems go too.  Letting go takes us in the opposite direction of almost everything else because we’re going for the cause; that can be confusing.

 

BRIDGE CAREER

Sometimes we need what I call bridge careers.  My blogging/mentoring is my bridge career for now.  It pushes me to keep letting go and pays the bills.

Let’s say you’re a hands-on healer.  You could continue your work while letting go of the disease labels that people bring you to heal.  Eventually, you’ll find that you want to mentor people because you don’t want them to think the hands-on stuff is doing the work.  Then one day, you might drop mentoring too.  Our careers naturally evolve as we let go.

 

MAKE IT OUR OWN — PHYSICAL LEVEL

At the mental level, to “make it our own” means to be our True Self.  Done!

At the physical level, our True Self uses our knowledge and talents.  What we do provides the channel for our unique True Self perspective to flow into the material world.  For example, there’s a San Diego physicist turned comedian who does humorous Powerpoint presentations.  He has a unique perspective of physics; the audience gets a hilarious class in physics.

My mentoring is almost never about the words or techniques that I use; it’s about reaching others where they are and finding a way to convince them that what they’re thinking is false so they’ll let go.  Another person could do the same techniques and speak my words and wouldn’t get results because they still believe the illusion is true.  It’s the True Self perspective that makes it work.

My oldest son (below) DOES hip-hop dance, choreography, and videography.  His True Self bleeds through his doing; he sees a world with everybody dancing so he has a free dance channel on YouTube so people of any age or any place can learn to dance.  Everybody wins.

My daughter (above) is a horse trainer; since she was a young child she’s rescued animals, but never with a victim mentality.  They come to her to find their true home.  Now she takes in horses that no one wants, rejuvenates them, finds and embellishes their gifts, then sells them for a profit to good homes.  Everybody wins.

Matt Steffanina

There’s no shortage of hip-hop dancers or horse trainers.  They do something quite ordinary in a unique way to fill a gap in the world that only they seem to see.  That gap created their desire; and following that desire got them into their perfect place in the world.

 

WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?

The next question is usually,  “What about the money?”  I researched for fifteen years and blogged for over a year without making money from it.  I was inspired to do it.  I took what I call dumb jobs.  Then someone said, “Would you mentor me?”  I said, “Yes;” and mentoring was born.  Then another person said, “I’d like to give you a donation.”  So I learned how to add a PayPal button to my blog.  I do retreats when people ask for a way to meet others of like mind.  I listen to requests and questions; and I attempt to fill the requests in a win-win way.  My son’s and daughter’s businesses grew exactly the same way.  I call it organic growth.  You become yourself and express who you are; then you find the place where you’re wanted or needed.

Here’s where things get interesting.  I would write if no one read my writing.  It what I love to do.  My children would do what they do.  When we do things from our True Self, it’s life giving in the being and doing.   Belief systems, on the other hand, die without lots of believers and constant attention and support.  They need people to feed the dragon because the dragon is very hungry–that’s not win-win.  We’re switching an old paradigm; that’s not easy.  But, one day, people will only pay True Selves.  I promise it.

Discipline — Time To Say Goodbye!

DisciplineBy Cathy Eck

 

I Got OWNED

Recently, I had the OWN (Oprah) channel on while doing some housework.  The producers set up a help desk where people could ask questions of “spiritual” advisors.  Three times, the experts recommended “discipline.”  They said it was necessary for success.  The first two times, I simply noticed that their comment felt bad and immediately let it go.  But the third time, expert Carolyn Myss put me over the edge.  I realized that I was looking in the face of a huge collective psychological reversal.

An overweight woman (by expert standards) asked Carolyn for help.  Carolyn said, “Do you tend to gravitate toward pleasure?”  The woman said, “Yes,” as she smiled.  Carolyn responded critically, “That’s your problem.  You have no discipline.”  The woman looked like she wanted to slit her wrists or shit her pants.  “Okay, now you pissed me off, Carolyn Myss,”  I thought.   I decided to really look at this word, discipline.  My emotions were screaming, “False.”

 

Discipline

The “New Oxford American Dictionary” put things in perspective for me very quickly.  Here’s what it said:

1) the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.
2) the controlled behavior resulting from discipline.
3) activity or experience that provides mental or physical training.
4) a system of rules of conduct.

Discipline is clearly unnatural; it involves training humans, like animals, to do what an authority or expert wants them to do.  It’s key to a society based on good and evil, right and wrong, or win and lose.

Since the disciplinarians are already in the illusion, or they wouldn’t be using discipline, discipline is inflicted on those in powerless feminine roles, like children.  Our minds record the voices of those who provide discipline until we acquire self-discipline, meaning we inflict reward and punishment on ourselves.

Oddly, the word discipline is very similar to disciple, another highly feminine role.  Well, that made sense.  Carolyn Myss is a recovering Catholic; her Catholicism often bleeds through in her books and teachings.  The other two men who suggested discipline were M. Scott Peck, spiritual psychologist/author, and DeVon Franklin, Hollywood wanna-be preacher.  Discipline and religion are clearly interconnected; both take us toward hell while claiming to take us to heaven.

The truth is that if we’re disciplining ourselves or others, we’re not good, we’re false.  Discipline is following someone else’s rules that don’t feel good and don’t make sense to us.  We should never have to do that in a sane world.  If we’re obeying rules that don’t feel good and telling others to do the same, we’re clearly playing a false masculine role.  We shouldn’t be leading anyone, not even ourselves.

In the TRUE masculine role, we do what we’re inspired to do.  We provide a vision — not rules.  The True Masculine has no desire to discipline others; there’s no need for it.  You trust the people that you create with.  Discipline isn’t even a word I’ve ever needed to have in my vocabulary.

When led by false masculine authorities, we have to muster up unnatural energy to do what they want us to do in the way they want it done.  We become exhausted and depressed.  We hate life.  Then we discipline those below us (like our kids) because we’re starving for energy and life force.

 

Discipline or Abuse?

Just last week, someone posted on Facebook a comment about the lack of discipline in kids and how it’s because parents no longer spank.  Of course, I couldn’t shut up because children were involved.  So I wrote, “People will stop disciplining their children with physical punishment when they call it what it really is, child abuse.”  You see, calling authoritarian bullying, unnecessary rules, enslavement, and physical punishment “discipline” makes the unacceptable acceptable.

Discipline produces slaves and obedient citizens, not successful or creative people.  It’s a winning formula in the illusion.  It has worked for thousands of years because we don’t stop and examine the reality or the real effects of discipline.

 

Pleasure

Carolyn Myss exposed the whole illusion around discipline when she said, “Do you tend to gravitate toward pleasure?”  That’s when my emotions screamed, “Stop the madness. Your are Myss-taken.”  She was saying, “If it’s pleasurable, it’s bad for you.”  The idea that we’re supposed to be happy while we suffer is the Catholic mantra; it’s not true.  We all naturally gravitate toward pleasure until we’re brainwashed to gravitate toward pain by following beliefs that generate emotions.

We’re all born to people who were already cooked to well done in the illusory oven before we arrived.  If we could talk, we would have screamed, “Stop!  That doesn’t feel right.  I didn’t come to earth to see how well I could suffer.”  Instead we got disciplined to become like our caretakers and authorities until eventually we couldn’t see the error in the illusion — it looked normal.

It’s not too late.  We can let go of needing discipline right now.  We can start to follow our inspiration at any time.

Carolyn Myss answered the woman’s question, but it’s doubtful that it helped.  She gave her the cause of her weight problem.  This woman thought she didn’t have enough discipline when she actually had too much.  Her inner food police disciplines her constantly, piling guilt and shame on her food and reminding her that she’s not following the diet and exercise rules for a thin body.  She believes the rich and successful (and disciplined) experts even though what they say feels horrible; her True Self knows the advice is false — it’s fixing the effect.

To get free, this woman needs to let go of trusting experts who keep telling her to be more disciplined so she can look the way they say she should look.  She needs to stop dieting (which has the word die in it for a reason) and start living from her own True Self.